So look. I’m going to complain a bit here. If that bothers you, I would politely suggest you look elsewhere for a day or so. I don’t plan to make this a regular event here (hilarious concept, I know), I just need a little time to vent.
This pregnancy is rough. And let me just say, I have a good sense of perspective here. I do not have severe morning sickness, I do not have hyperemesis gravidarum. I don’t need IV fluids or hospitalizations. I know very clearly how much worse this could be, really I do. But that is not changing that fact that currently the morning sickness is zapping my ability to be a functional grown up and making me miserable.
Every morning I wake up sometime in the wee hours of the morning and take a Zofran and go back to sleep. Without this step, the rest of the morning is an impossibility. Then, when I get up around 7 (any earlier and I can’t really even get out of bed without dry heaving endlessly), I can sit in bed and feel totally fine, but the instant I stand up to go get Eli, the nausea hits. And 9 times out of 10, I spend at least 10-15 minutes dry heaving, trying to stay calm as tears stream down my face (not crying, just retching makes my eyes water like whoa) and waiting for it to pass.
Most mornings it’s better by 8. This morning I had a second session when I tried to pack myself some snacks for later in the day. I don’t know what it was about chocolate covered pretzels, but it wasn’t pleasant and I was almost late for work. Again. Thankfully my boss is also pregnant and very understanding. So far I haven’t been late for a patient, just late for set up.
Once I manage to eat breakfast, things usually improve. And for a few hours, I feel pretty normal and it is delightful. I look forward to 8:30 to 11 every day. Lunch is sometimes easy and sometimes a struggle, it just varies day to day. Last week the thing I wanted for lunch so badly also almost made me hurl and I was saved by a dissolvable Zofran I had been saving for several months. I have no idea what was different that day just as I have no idea what makes one day better and one day worse. It’s just a nausea crapshoot.
Late afternoon is hard. I usually get nauseous before I get hungry and it reaches a point where it’s hard to talk because that makes me gag, which is really tough when treating patients. Today I actually canceled my last patient because I knew I wouldn’t be able to make it through their session. I rescheduled them and I feel horrible, but I know they don’t want me gagging on their kid, even if non-contagiously. And this is with 8mg of Zofran pretty much 24 hours a day. Most nights dinner is followed by sitting completely still for a half an hour because that is the only thing that makes me not feel like puking. And then it’s on and off for the rest of the night until I go to sleep.
At this point in my pregnancy with Eli I had gagged maybe twice total and had gained like 8 pounds. So far I’ve actually lost a pound and have yet to have a single day in the past 3 weeks where I don’t spend a significant portion of my morning retching. And while this is manageable and not the end of the world and I KNOW that, as someone who hates vomiting more than anything on the face of the earth, it blows. I know that this experience is typical, but I feel so blindsided by it because the nausea was so mild with Eli, I just assumed that that was how I tolerated early pregnancy. And hey, I was wrong. So that discovery kind of sucks anew every day.
I keep reading that it should be letting up and it just isn’t yet. I find myself dreading going to sleep at night because the mornings are so hard and I just feel like there’s no end in sight. I’m afraid it’s not going to go away and I don’t know how I’d last 29.5 more weeks.
I really have to say, the one truly wonderful thing in all of this is my husband. He has gone above and beyond to help with diapers, picking up things I casually mention sound edible and just being all around amazing. He has given way more than his share of baths and dealt with messes that would normally be my job without complaint even though I know it sucks. I could not get through this without him and I am going to have to buy him something really shiny when this is all over. Or maybe I’ll just get him a baby.
Anyway. That’s what’s going on here. It’s why I’ve been more quiet than usual. I’m working on sucking it up. It’s not going well so far, but I’m trying.
So, just a disclaimer here. I was not, at all, asked to write this post. I am not being paid to write this post. I was, however, given a Wii U, a Wii Fit tracker (one for me and one for my husband) and a nunchuck so I could try out the new Wii Fit U, which I’m going to tell you about in a minute, but it was not with any agreement to do anything except play with it. Which, let’s be real, is the best deal that anyone has ever made.
This was quite possibly the easiest month for pictures. I don’t know if it’s because we did them first thing in the morning instead of right before bed (we were headed to Disneyland) or what, but this month’s shot was the second one I took and all of them were good! I know it’s posted a day late, my photo app had an issue and wouldn’t let me upload pictures until today. So I promise it was taken on time, just posted late. It bothers me more than it should.
1 year, 8 months and 1 day old!
(For the full list of pictures from the first year, see here)
I can’t believe this, but today you are 20 months old. It is amazing to me how close you’re getting to 2. It seems like this second year has absolutely flown by. I realized when I was looking at pictures from last year that it was only a year ago that you crawled for the very first time, still so much a baby, and now you run and get up on your tip toes and talk to me with real intelligible words. You are now very much a little boy.
This month was your second Christmas and you enjoyed it a lot. You received so many nice gifts from your family and had a great time playing with your cousins in Bakersfield. You alternately loved unwrapping gifts and hated it and actually cried once because we started to unwrap a present that apparently you wanted wrapped forever(?). But overall, it was a really wonderful holiday and it was so fun to see it through your eyes. I have a feeling next year is going to be even more fun since you’ll probably get it a little more.
We also made a trip up to Big Bear with Aunt Claire, Uncle Scott, Addie, Grandad and Grandma last weekend and you had an absolute blast. There was very little snow, but you were happy to slide down the neighbor’s driveway on your bottom and had a great time at the zoo (right until you got sassy and screamed NO at me and hey, it got slightly less fun at that point). It was a nice low key weekend for us all and I think it helped refresh us so we could get back into the grind of life after the holidays.
You continue to be obsessed with your cousin Addie…right up until you’re actually with her, at which point she annoys you to no end. She has this pesky habit of trying to hug you, or love you or, worst of all, touch your toys and you are not a fan. In fact, sharing in general is just about your least favorite thing this month, which I know is normal, but my goodness, such passion. Yesterday we played at the library and you brought me a huge bunch of toys, not because you wanted me to have them, but because you didn’t want anyone else to. You’re also pretty darn smart, it turns out.
Speaking of which, this was another month of cognitive craziness. You can count to 10, either on your own or alternating with us. You can spell your name (though about 50% of the time you are apparently Oli instead of Eli). You announce that you are ALL DONE when you’re finished with a meal, or recently when a toy is frustrating you and you can’t stand it anymore. You will reply “dere it is!” whenever we ask where anything is, regardless of whether you see it or not. You answer “yea” or “yesh” and “nooooo” to questions with pretty good accuracy these days, which is really, really convenient. A few times you’ve gotten stuck and looked at us and said “I stuck!” which was kind of mind bogglingly crazy because that’s just such a grown thing to say. You know all your animal sounds and body parts and are working on identifying more letters, which you love. We’re 100% following your lead on teaching you things and have the best time watching you learn.
You went to your first music class yesterday and while I was afraid you were going to be really shy, you had a blast. You stood and clapped with us and danced in circles and participated the whole way through. Music has become something you love, and in the past few days we realized that you actually know some of the words to the Frozen soundtrack and you squeal and dance whenever it comes on. It makes me want to play it all day.
Your likes this month include: Grandparents, daddy, mom, Aunt Claire and Uncle Scott, Addie (in theory), Aunt Emily, bananas, ketchup, dogs, kitties (especially picking them up), climbing, Elmo, Daniel Tiger, the Frozen soundtrack, any technology you can steal from your parents.
Your dislikes this month include: sharing, vegetables, sharing with Addie, transitioning away from activities, not being allowed to bring your toy stroller in the bath, diaper changes and the end of Sesame Street.
As we look forward to the next few months, the end of your second year, I feel constantly overwhelmed by the privilege of being your mom. Even as you learn new things each day, I still think that much of the time, I’m learning every bit as much, if not more than you. You teach me patience and persistence, what it is to love unconditionally, and what is truly important in life.
It feels like there are so many changes on the horizon for us and even though they’re months away, I worry about how you’re going to react and change. Deciding to have another baby was one of the toughest decisions we’ve ever made because of how we know it will change your life. We know you’ll be an amazing older brother, but we also know it means losing our one-on-one time with you and letting (forcing?) you be a little more independent. I hope you know that we have treasured these months alone with you and that while things will change, we will move, there will be a sibling, our love for you will never change, will never diminish, will never be less intense than it is now.
We have so loved the past few months and watching you become an active, smart little boy and we are so excited for all the things yet to come. The milestones now may not be as big as the ones in the first year, but they are even more fun to watch and share.
Eli, we love you so, so very much and we absolutely cannot wait to see what next month brings.
There are rules about when you tell various people your secrets. Usually you start with your family, the closest members first. And gradually spread out from there. And typically “strangers” are the last to know. But I’m going to break the rules. Partially because I’m a terrible secret keeper, partially because this is a blog about my life and this is about all that’s going on in my life and partially because the internet is a tremendous support system for me, so I feel like I will benefit from it.
So, since I’m not really sure how much longer I can beat around the bush here, I’ll just come out with it. I’m pregnant.
I’m not very far along (about 8 weeks), but we had our first appointment today, saw the little tiny baby and it’s adorable flickering heartbeat and well, it’s feeling very real, if early and small, right now.
Truthfully, it’s been real for a while since this baby has been kicking my butt 8 ways to Sunday. The fatigue set in surprisingly early and is much worse than it was with Eli. I was nearly convinced that there was more than one baby in there because napping almost daily and going to bed early isn’t even enough to manage the fatigue. And the nausea has been much worse this go around, though thankfully it’s only been here for a week or so. As a non-puker, throwing up a whole Zofran last week was a real low point for me. My doctor gave me a stronger prescription for the nausea today, so I’m hopeful that I can get it under control soon.
Besides tired and pukey, we are very, very excited. This was very much a planned baby and we are so excited to see Eli as a big brother and for our family to grow. We love being parents and cannot wait to welcome another baby into our home (well, our next home, at least), I can’t even tell you how over the moon we are. Though August is a long way away, we are so looking forward to the coming months and all the changes heading our way.
I think that’s about it. I guess there’s really no denying that this really is a mommy blog now. But from where I stand (okay fine, sit), that’s a pretty great thing.
p.s. We are not going to post this on our private facebook pages until a bit longer, so if you happen to know us in real life, please please please keep it under wraps until we decide we’re ready for everyone to know. Thanks!
p.p.s. I hate to even go here, but because it will inevitably come up, let me just say that this was a decision that was made with full support of my mental health team and everyone there was totally on board with our plan. My OB is totally fine with the medication I’m taking and everything is going swimmingly in the mental and physical health arenas.
For the 3rd year running, it’s time for a recap quiz of 2013. The quiz originated at All & Sundry and is an easy and nice way to finish out the year somewhat concisely and to compare it to the previous years. I’m actually sort of surprised at how many of my answers didn’t change this year because this was kind of a big year, but I think there’s something nice to be said about consistency. So, let’s do it.
1. What did you do in 2013 that you’d never done before?
I started working consistently, in my chosen field, at a job I love. I also got my kid to sleep through the night, which is arguably even better than my job.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
My resolution for 2013 was to stop using the word should and to stop trying to live up to other people’s expectations. And in a lot of ways, I think I really did make some incredible progress towards that. It wasn’t always a linear progression, but I feel like I am more self-assured now than I was in 2012, more confident in my personal and parenting decisions and care a whole lot less about what other people think. And it’s pretty great.
I have no resolutions planned for 2014. Just to do the best that I can for myself and my family and enjoy life.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
A big bunch of my friends did. Too many to name without excluding anyone, but they all have just unbelievably adorable kids.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
No. My great-aunt, who was well over 90, died on Christmas Eve, but we were not close. And she lived an incredible life, so there’s just no sadness to be found there. I continue to be incredibly fortunate to have a large happy and healthy family.
5. What countries did you visit?
The United States. We made several visits to San Diego this year and last month went to Washington D.C. with Eli and my family. And we had a great time. I have absolutely zero travel plans for 2014 because I intend to never take my toddler on an airplane again.
6. What would you like to have in 2014 that you lacked in 2013?
For the third year running, I’d definitely have to say financial security. We continue to be fine financially, but the stress of going into repayment on my husband’s loans and moving in July and putting Eli in a new preschool/daycare that will almost definitely cost quite a bit more is pretty significant. In another year we’ll finally reach a point where we should not have to worry about making ends meet and that will be lovely, though we will probably always be budget people.
7. What dates from 2013 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
March 23rd, the day that Eli fell off the bed and spent several days in the hospital with a brain bleed. The trauma of that has finally begun to fade, but it changed us, especially me, in a profound way, forever. May 11th, Eli’s first birthday. July 11th, Eli’s first steps. Also, December 4, but that’s another story for another time.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Recognizing the need for and accepting help. This was a tough year for a lot of reasons and for the first time in my life, I was able to see that I needed help and while somewhat begrudgingly, accept it. I am better for it and learned several good lessons from it.
9. What was your biggest failure?
If you’d asked me this question 3 or 4 months ago, I’d have said keeping my child safe. But I’ve realized that while there have been crappy parts this year, I didn’t fail. I didn’t fail as a mother, wife or person. I made mistakes, but did my best to make them right and learn from them.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
My mental health sucked pretty hard, but physically, I had a wonderful year health-wise. It’s a pretty great thing.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
Counseling, clothes that fit my body, a panning video monitor for Eli’s room.
12. Where did most of your money go?
Diapers, wipes, rent, utilities, student loans, credit card payments and a trip to D.C.
13. What did you get really excited about?
Watching Eli change and grow and learn every single day. My husband getting a fellowship that allowed us to stay in Southern California.
14. What song will always remind you of 2013?
Anything Could Happen by Ellie Goulding
15. Compared to this time last year, are you:
– happier or sadder? I think I’m about the same. I’ve been both at points this year, but currently, I am very happy.
– thinner or fatter? Thinner. About 3 whole pounds thanks to a stomach virus in November.
– richer or poorer? Richer, but by the thinnest of margins.
16. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Relaxing, enjoying life, breathing.
17. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying and blaming.
18. How did you spend Chanukah/Christmas?
Chanukah we celebrated at home, at my parent’s house and we celebrated a belated Chanukah at with my in-laws. Christmas was spent back and forth between each of my parents and both holidays were lovely. Eli was incredibly interested in presents, but alternately wanted and did not want to unwrap presents.
19. What was your favorite TV program?
Scandal, Orange is the New Black, New Girl, Bones.
20. What were your favorite books of the year?
I thoroughly enjoyed the Hunger Games series, as well as a Jodi Picoult novel and several James Patterson books. Not sure what’s next on the list.
21. What was your favorite music from this year?
Eh, mostly old stuff with a few new songs mixed in. We’re enjoying the Frozen soundtrack right now.
22. What were your favorite films of the year?
I think I can count on one hand the movies I saw this year, so Iron Man 3, the newest Thor movie, Frozen and that might actually be it.
23. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I hit 30 this year and spent the day with my family at a great restaurant and with an incredible cake. My mom also made me a scrapbook (2 actually) comprised of pictures of me from birth to 18 and including a ridiculous number of things she saved. It’s one of the most incredible gifts I’ve ever received.
24. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Preventing my child from falling head first off a bed.
25. What kept you sane?
Therapy, medication, my husband, my child, my sister.
26. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2013.
That admitting you need help is a sign of strength, not a sign of weakness.
Happy New Year!
I never got around to writing a Thanksgiving post, not because I am not thankful for a great many things, but because those great many things have kept me pretty busy over the past few weeks. And so now Thanksgiving is a month behind us and Christmas has passed and the new year is rapidly approaching. So my Thanksgiving post is getting combined with a year end one.
This has been an intense year. Intense in and of itself doesn’t have a positive or negative slant and I think that’s how I’m going to remember this year. It has had incredibly high highs and the lowest lows that I have ever known or imagined. I am walking away from this year a very different person than I started it. I feel older, not just 364 days older, but more mature, a bit worn, and like I lost innocence I didn’t realize I had left to lose. I am changed.
This year I’ve had the incredible fortune of watching my son transform from a baby, not yet mobile, to this full grown boy. One who walks, runs, talks, tries to jump and laughs the greatest laugh on this earth. I got to parent him, comfort him and shape him into the person he is. That is and will always be the greatest blessing of this year. That little boy is the best thing in my whole world and the family he created is the most important thing to me in this world.
This year was not easy on my marriage, but as we enter 2014, my husband and I are literally the strongest we have ever been, the happiest we have ever been and the most able to communicate that we’ve ever been. 2013 has been a transformative year for my family and the family that will enter 2014 is a strong unit with much to look forward to in the next 12 months.
This year also forced me to face my greatest fear- something terrible happening to my son. I watched him fall head first off a bed, become unresponsive, get loaded into an ambulance, get discharged, admitted, discharged and readmitted to 2 different hospitals. I saw IVs be placed and removed, CT scans be performed. And I saw my son suffer tremendously, which was a million times worse than all the rest of that experience. I will never be able to forget what I saw, what I felt and how terrible it was for all of us. Those memories have finally started to fade, but they are still there, in the back of my mind, catalogued forever. It was without doubt the most horrible few days of my life. It is easier to stand it now that I am on the other side of it and my son is fine, but the complete horror of those days held onto me with tremendous force for months and months. I may never again be the same person I was in early March, but I am finally starting to feel closer to it.
This year came full circle in a way, because I was climbing out of postpartum anxiety/depression at the beginning of 2013 before falling head first into post-traumatic stress, and now as we leave 2013, I’m finally feeling well again. I am enjoying my life, I am present with my son and husband, I am happy. Each and every day, I am happy. There were many months where that couldn’t be said and I could not be more grateful to be where I am today. I think that I sunk to a deep place but have emerged at least as strong, if not stronger than I was before.
I don’t know whether the highs canceled out the lows this year, but I know that I am leaving it a happy, fulfilled, loved and loving person. I am endlessly grateful for a number of things this year and I truly know that I wouldn’t have survived without my family, my friends and while this may seem a little out of place, I wouldn’t have survived with medical professionals. Both for my son and for myself, modern medicine made a huge difference in our lives and we owe a great debt of thanks to a number of physicians who took incredible care of us.
I am hopeful that 2014 is going to be an easier year for us and one with some great experiences and changes. But most of all, I’m excited to begin a new year with the family that I love dearly, with good health and with incredible friends who’ve helped me find my way this year. I could not be more grateful for all the people in my life and I can’t wait to begin another year with all of you.
So, I realized I have left several things hanging and others completely unmentioned. Things have been indescribably busy for us lately, but I finally have an evening without an agenda, so I’m going to do a little catch up.
First, the New York/So Cal thing finally got handled, but it took weeks. Weeks and ignored emails and a lot of stress. New York was able to get the other candidate to sign a contract and released my husband. Obnoxiously, they made him send an email requesting to be released from his contract (that didn’t exist) before they would formally let him off the hook. Like, they called him and said, we have our fellow, you’re good to go elsewhere, but you need to email us and ask to be released. It was the dumbest thing I’ve ever seen. But whatever, we get to stay in California, so the email was not a big deal. We are very happy.
After Thanksgiving, we came home from my hometown and had like 2.5 normal days before packing up and flying across the country to Washington D.C. It wasn’t Eli’s first flight, but it was his first since he was 4 months old and more than a little cuddle bug that I could put to sleep by stroking his eyebrows like a kitten. We intentionally did not get direct flights for 2 reasons: they’re way too expensive and we wanted Eli to have time between flights to get out of his car seat and burn some energy.
So, the way there, our first flight ended up having to circle the airport and then sat on the tarmac for 40 minutes of the 45 minute layover we had. So we had to run, with our carry-ons and Eli’s car seat, and Eli, who just wanted to pull his little penguin bag, to the next gate, bump someone out of their window seat, rapidly install the car seat and the child who didn’t want to get back in it so quickly, so that everyone else could get to DC on time. I ended up sitting between Eli and a 4 year old the whole way, while my husband sat 17 rows ahead. To his credit, Eli was an absolute champ and we made it to DC without any significant drama.
The hotel was lovely, and DC was everything I hoped it would be. I haven’t been since I was 7 and I only have very vague memories of the bureau of printing and engraving (I got a 2 dollar bill!) and of the national zoo (I got stung by a wasp!) and of it being really, really hot. So it was nice to go back as an adult, and an American history lover, and get to see all the things there are to offer. And it snowed, which was just icing on the cake. We went to all the Smithsonians (well, maybe not all, but a lot), the Zoo, the national mall, walked by the White House, saw the Christmas tree and had a great time. It was unbelievably cold for a big part of our trip and rained for another big part, but it didn’t dampen the fun.
The flight home was…less fun. We were flying into a headwind, so our nearly hour layover was cut to 15 minutes, the guy sitting in front of Eli kept slamming his back into his seat, which then jiggled Eli’s car seat and so instead of a good solid nap, Eli napped for like an hour and 45 minutes and then the second flight took us waaaaay past bedtime and he basically came unraveled at the end. It was ugly. But we’re home.
And sick. Again. Eli came down with a horrible ear infection (the pediatrician referred to it as “raging”) the day before Thanksgiving and was put on very, very strong antibiotics, which even a week after finishing are still wrecking his little insides. On Friday, he was suddenly all snotty again. And more so on Saturday. Sunday he woke up with his eyes glued shut. And today, when we went to the pediatrician, it was discovered that in addition pink eye, he also has a double ear infection. And since the antibiotics he was just on were the strongest oral ones available, the only treatment option for now is a shot in each thigh once a day for 3 days. And they are big honking needles and oh it was sad. I do not want to take him back tomorrow, but I know it’s what’s best.
So, that’s about everything. Eli took a nearly 5 hour nap today and seems on the mend. My husband and I have both come down with the cold and as I type this I have tissue stuffed up my nose because I can’t blow or wipe it anymore and I’ll be sleeping on the couch to prevent my face from exploding. I’m really hopeful that this is the end of our winter illness dog pile, mostly because I’m in denial, but also because we’re all running out of sick days pretty rapidly.
Also, we visited Santa. It was the best $15 anyone has ever spent.
I think we’re caught up now.
This month was a rough one for pictures. Eli isn’t feeling entirely himself, so we have a lot of pictures of him crying (which, let’s be honest, are kind of hilarious in a tragic sort of way) and not a lot of terribly happy ones. But, it captures the moment as it is and I think that is every bit as important as having a “good” picture.
This month was by far the loudest of all the picture taking months. And the most tearful. Toddlerhood is hard, you guys.
(For the full list of pictures from the first year, see here)
Today you are 19 months old! This has been one of those long, not entirely wonderful months for you. I mean that purely because it seemed to be a constant string of illness after illness, culminating in what your pediatrician described as “a raging ear infection” and an intensely strong antibiotic that thankfully took care of it. I’m quite hopeful that 19 months will involve less snot, coughing and general misery.
You celebrated your second Thanksgiving this month and it came just one day after the ear infection diagnosis, so you weren’t entirely jazzed and didn’t eat hardly anything. You perked up a bit when we went to Bakersfield and you go to see all your grandparents, aunts, uncles and your cousin Addie, who you hadn’t seen in almost a month. It was good to see the Eli we know and love come back.
This month you had a cognitive explosion. All of a sudden, you were able to identify just about any animal and all kinds of other objects from books we play with at home. And then, one day, you could just say all the words too. You know the sounds that a horse, cow, sheep, dog and cat make and you can say well over 40 words now. As if that wasn’t a big enough surprise, you also proved that you can even identify letters in certain situations, which completely caught us by surprise.
You’ve also learned to count to 10, but the only evidence I have of this is you in the bathtub, and even I have limits to how much I’ll share, so you’ll have to take my word for it. Like I said, big cognitive jump this month.
You also celebrated your second Chanukah this month. At first you were entirely uninterested in the presents, but by the 6th and 7th night, you wanted to open everyone’s presents. You absolutely love your pretend stroller and your new trike, even if you insist upon riding it backwards all the time.
This month we traveled to Washington DC for one of your dad’s conferences. You were an absolute trooper. You spent a lot of time cooped up in a stroller under layers and layers of blankets and for the most part, you couldn’t have been more delightful. The flight home was…rough. But honestly, after that many hours of sitting, I kind of wanted to scream for a while too. We won’t be flying again anytime soon, but I’m glad you got to come with us.
Your likes this month include: dogs, cats, books, any kind of technology, bananas, ketchup, Sesame Street, mom, dad, grandparents, Aunt Claire, Addie, skyping, talking on the phone, pushing your stroller.
Your dislikes this month include: riding in your stroller, having to sit when you want to stand or run or jump, airplanes, transitioning from one activity to the next and the Stanford band, it seems.
Your dad and I kind of struggle with how we can shape you into the boy we want you to become without squashing some of your creativity. Toddlerhood is louder than I think we ever realized and more rife with frustration than I could’ve imagined. There are times where you so clearly want something but can’t find a way to express it and both of us are left feeling a bit helpless.
Even when you’re frustrated and tired, you are such a sweet and fun little boy. You love to be outside and to play and you look at us like, I’m good guys, take a break. And I just find myself breathless with how quickly you became this boy with big ideas and opinions and a independent streak a mile wide.
The only good part of your being under the weather so much this month was the snuggles that I got to sneak in. Even though you’re healthy now, you are still struggling with some separation anxiety, so I’m getting more love these days, even though you’re a big independent toddler, and it’s just the best. Getting snuggles from you after a long day of work is the best thing in the whole world. I wish I could bottle the feeling for anyone who hasn’t gotten to experience it because it could solve pretty much anything that ills you, I think.
Eli, I can’t begin to tell you how much we love you and how happy we are each day we get to spend with you. You are the best thing in this whole world and I am happier now being your mother than I have ever been in my life.
We love you so much and can’t wait to see what next month brings.