Archive for the ‘The Work’ Category

If you follow my twitter stream, you might have found out that camp was interrupted yesterday afternoon by a nearby fire. Not wanting all the kids or counselors to breathe in the smoke, we moved everything indoors and had the parents come pick the kids up early (well, they left earlier, traffic made it so they arrived at almost the normal time). As the afternoon progressed, the fire was more and more in control and by late last night the Los Angeles fire department declared the fire 90% contained.

And last night, while relaxing at home, I hopped on twitter (okay fine, I was already on it because it’s practically an extension of my consciousness. Whatever) and joked with my boss about the hectic day. I asked her if she thought camp would be cancelled today because of the smoke and she assured me that things had calmed, the skies had cleared considerably and things should be good to go for Thursday.

So I got up at 6, I got ready, including, because today was slated to be a “special” day at camp, blow drying and straightening my hair, and left the house. I normally leave by 6:30 because my 54 mile commute is in the same direction as 30 billion other drivers and I’d rather get to work 20 minutes early than sleep 10 more minutes and get there late.

But today, I left at 6:45. And of course, almost immediately, got stuck at an accident. The first accident in the morning on this freeway in 3 weeks. I ended up getting off the freeway and taking a surface street route to get around some of the looky-loo traffic. I knew I was running late and I considered calling the office at work to let them know, but thought better of it because I’m known to be kind of an alarmist and most likely wasn’t actually going to be late as much as not early.

So I drove on. And on and on. The closer I got the more I worried that camp would be closed, but still didn’t call, figuring that parents would be wondering the same questions and the phone lines would be tied up. I was relieved when the entrance gate was open because that meant that people were there (since it’s otherwise locked).

But curiously, as I drove through the gate, I saw a co-worker drive out of it. And I got a deep sinking feeling in my gut.

As I pulled up, one of my higher ups signaled for me to roll down the window and when I did, she told me that I might want to consider updating my phone number…because they’d been trying to call me all morning. To tell me not to drive 54 miles that morning. Because camp was closed (due to air quality, no damage to the campus).

I got out of the car because I had to pee, and several higher up staff members were all on campus and they all half-heartedly laughed at my outfit (again, special day) and the fact that I was there. I was somewhere between despair and hilarity and found myself alternately laughing and wanting to yelling profanity.

At one point, I walked up to a friend, stomping and made some gritted teeth comment that I couldn’t believe that I’d forgotten to update my new phone number and kicked my foot in the air in disgust. When I did that, my shoe went flying, and of course, landed on the roof. ON THE ROOF.

I then went in and updated my phone number (while someone retrieved the shoe I was planning on leaving for all posterity) and then walked out to my car only to discover that I didn’t have any keys.

And then a horrible thought crossed my mind. If I had locked my keys in my car as I was pretty sure I had, there was nothing I could do. I no longer have evidence of a AAA membership because of the jackass who stole my wallet in December, meaning I’d have to pay to get my damned keys out.

As that scenario passed in my head, I tried to calm down and remember what I might have done after I kicked my shoe on the roof and scarfed down half a donut (why no, I’m not a stress eater. Why?). And then I looked again and discovered that in one of my fits I had set them down on a desk. Oops.

And then I drove the 54 miles home, arriving 3.5 hours after I’d left that morning.

I walked in the door and found my kitten covered from head to toe in a foreign and now dried substance. I initially thought it was vomit (praise the heavens it wasn’t) and then discovered the place where the shower had dripped and he’d created a kitty litter mud pit. I cleaned him, the wall, the floor, the kitchen table and the kitchen pantry door off (apparently, while covered in kitty litter mud, it’s imperative to touch every surface in the house) and the sheets are in the dryer now.

And then I went shopping. Because, damnit, I deserved it.

Thursday can thuck it.

(p.s. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that today marks 5 years since the day Slappy and I officially began dating. I feels like just yesterday, and also, like I’ve known him a lifetime. It’s been a remarkable and wonderful 5 years.)

(p.p.s. Today is also our cat’s 4th birthday. I’m not crazy enough to bake her a cake or actually celebrate, but I’d just like to mention that I’m thrilled that she didn’t vomit on the kitten. Though he’d certainly have deserved it.)

First, the naming contest is officially closed. I have a good idea of what I’m going to name the little guy, but Slappy wants to spend some time with him Sunday before committing to anything, so we’ll see. I’d ideally like to have the winner announced by Sunday night/Monday morning so just watch for that.

Tonight was the first night of work and the last time you’ll hear me talk about it. I’m working, for the last time (sniff sniff) at the summer camp where Slappy and I met. This camp is an incredibly special place to me. I feel more at home there than I do virtually anywhere else (besides the four walls of my actual home). The people are incredible, the kids are incredible and everything just feels right there.

And tonight was a great night. This is my 5th summer working there and I’ve never left the first night feeling as energized as I did tonight. Though, nor have I left with a worse headache ever before either. The fact that I’m still alive is a true testament to my unwillingness to let this pain win. But dude, SO bad. Anyways, the people, old and new, were just on tonight and I really feel like this summer is going to be the best of my tenure there.

The main reason that I won’t be talking about it, besides the fact that my boss the woman who hires and fires and signs my check but does not like to be called boss, reads here is that I feel fiercely protective of these kids. The hold a very important and big part of my heart and I’d never forgive myself if anything happened to them (like the time I nearly broke one of their arms and I kid you not, I did not sleep for days. DAYS people).

So I may casually mention that I went to work or that work is going well, but that will be the extent of it.

But not to worry, I don’t need work to find crazy crap to write about. It finds me. And I’ve got a list of things I want to tell you, I’m just spreading them out.

My whining isn’t close to coming to an end…

That about sums up today, it’s not Friday and as such, I’m having an impossible time finding a redeeming quality about the day.

So, before each unit test for 3 of my 5 classes, I play a review game using a powerpoint program that works like Jeopardy. Sometimes there’s a slight lag and if you’re watching really carefully, you can catch the right answer. And since it’s done on a timer, the first team to get the answer right gets the point. Silly me, I thought that the opportunity to see the answer, and then cheat, was too small, or that if it was noticeable, someone would tell me.

Instead, this morning I discovered that all 3 of these classes are cheating to get the bonus points offered for being the winning team. These are the only bonus points I give out and they’re cheating to get them, not learning, cheating. And these games take me easily an hour a piece to put together, and it’s all for them, I get nothing out of it. And not only are they cheating, but once they figured out how to cheat, they told others, so instead of one small group of people, it’s at least 20 kids.

I’m just disappointed. I thought better of them and I foolishly trusted them. I know it’s not like cheating on a test, but it’s cheating on something that I spent a lot of time on, something that was meant to be fun and useful for studying. And that’s really upsetting.

To make matters worse, I talked with some of the other teachers about it at lunch, expecting some sort of sentiment of sympathy and instead I was told that it was my fault and that I had no right to be upset about it. Furthermore, I shouldn’t talk to the kids about it, I should just go on like normal. One of them told me I was “being ridiculous.” And yea, maybe it’s not the end of the world, but it’s big to me and I think I get to decide when I am and am not allowed to be upset about something. 20 of my students breeching my trust is a big deal. Maybe not to them, but to me it is.

And I just couldn’t shake that conversation. I was upset about the cheating and then I was upset about the teachers, who are really some of my good friends. I was nearly in tears by the end of lunch and excused myself early to try and calm down before the next class.

I also have had a wicked headache since, um, Sunday and now today I have a 2 spots on my face, one just below the right side of my lips and one just above, that are tingling all. the. time. Like pins and needles, only ON MY FACE.

And I just want to lie in a small hole and cry myself to sleep, but, oh right! I have another fucking test tomorrow. Yes it’s the last one, but it’s also the biggest one, and it’s also the one I’ve done the least amount of work for because 6 tests in 9 days is way too effing many.

I’m just ready for this week to die. To die a horrible, painful death. Instead, it has 2 more days which will involve studying, avoiding co-workers, stern lectures to students and, unless this face thing stops tonight, a call to the neurologist.

Someone stop this week, I want the hell off.

In case you’re wondering why I didn’t blog yesterday, the answer is because all I can think to write right now goes something like this:

I have a cold that won’t move on from my throat. I hate the new time change. I’m tired of school. I’m tired of work.

LatHer. Rinse. Repeat.

You can see how difficult it was for me to toss that post in the trash. Profound though it was.

Today is not going a whole lot better, so I’m just going to pass on a new nugget of wonder from work. If these stories don’t indicated that I am CLEARLY the best teacher of all time, I honestly don’t know what will.

(And I swear, I am not making this crap up. I’m so not that creative.)

Me: At the end of the period, we’ll watch a little of the movie Marie Antoinette as a preview to next class’ topic.

Student: Is that the movie about the girl?

Me: Can you be more specific?

Student: You know, the one who is blind and deaf?

Me: Yea. Helen Keller’s real name was Marie Antoinette.

Student: Really? How did she get that nickname?

And I kid you not, the child was honestly CONFUSED when Marie Antoinette heard and spoke to someone in the movie. You know, what with her deafness and all. And I definitely did not make fun of her for it. Because THAT would be unkind.

Or so easy that it’s not even fun.

So today I was talking to one of my classes about Joan of Arc (it should be noted that these are not young students. Most of them are old enough to operate a car on their own…) and after I finished a little lecture about Joan, a student raised her hand.

Her: “Um, wasn’t she the one that lived in the whale?”
Me: “What?”
Her: “You know, Joan and the whale?”
Me: “No, that would be Jonah. As in, from the bible. As in 1400 years before Joan of Arc.”
Her: “Right. Wasn’t Pinocchio also in the whale?”
Me: “Yes. Yes in fact he was. Not at the same time as Jonah”
Her: “And that fish from Finding Nemo?”
Me: “You mean, Nemo?”
Her: “Right. Wait, who built the big ark.”
Me: “That would be Noah.”
Her: “Huh, I kinda thought Joan was involved.”

So um, you can send my teacher of the year award right to this blog.

This has been the day few days week that never ends. But I finally have good news. Rather lots of it too. Um, but none of it is health related. Feel free to lecture me about advocating for my own healthcare in the comments. I need to hear it. I’m starting the Topamax on Monday and there’s a good chance that I might not remember what advocating for one’s health is afterwards.

Anyways, I left the house at 6:45 this morning to take a Microbiology test that I was not at all prepared for. I could tell you that I haven’t had the time, but we all know that’s a lie. I had a week off of work in which I could’ve learned a lot, but I didn’t. However, despite my lousy studying practices, apparently my guessing abilities have blossomed. Because I got an 88 out of 100. This is fantastic news, especially when you discover that the class average was a 48. So, methinks 40 percent above the average is commendable.

Then I went to work, which was, as usual, a giant zoo of chaos.

Somewhere in the middle of my day I got other good, nay, awesome news. Slappy, who is now in his 4th and final (praise the Lord) year of medical school, sent out his residency application last night around 9. As of this morning, he already has an interview at one of the programs. As of this evening, he has 2. And this is his application without any letters of recommendation attached, which is very impressive and awesome. Did I mention it is awesome? because it is. I’m so freaking proud of him.

Then, I left work early for a sporting event on the Northshore. For those not familiar with the geography of New Orleans, there is a big freaking lake here and to get to the northshore, you must drive across a big freaking bridge over the big freaking lake (that sentence originally contained the F bomb 3 times, I censored it because I’m feeling cool like that, yo). Like seriously, a 25 mile long bridge over water. Which is intimidating. It is horrendously frightening when you have to drive said bridge in wind gusting up to 40 miles an hour. Or when the waves in the middle of the big freaking lake are breaking like a foot below the bridge.

(Also, edited to add, because this was too good not to share: I noticed halfway through the drive that something was moving about in the trunk of my car. And then I noticed a smell. And then I remembered that we never removed the bag of CAT FOOD from my trunk from evacuation. So when I finally got across the freaking big lake, I have like a solid inch of cat food in my trunk. And my car smells like a cat’s mouth. I’m thinking if I just lock the cat in the trunk for about an hour I’ll take care of the mess, but perhaps not the smell.)

But I made it, and the sporting event actually went pretty well, which again, was a wonderful surprise.

To balance out the good, the big freaking bridge was closed by the time I got to leave the sporting event (which was, um, like 8:15pm) and therefore I had to drive AROUND the big freaking lake. I will never again complain about the causeway, because seriously, the amount of time it saves is unreal.

I got home at 9:45, ate dinner, watched America’s Next Top Model from last night (don’t judge me) and now I’m contemplating the merits of packing. This weekend is my weekend to fly home and bomb take another test, but the weather is concerning. We’re not getting a direct hit by Ike by any means, but we are again getting a good bitchslap by the dirty side of it. The winds are a little ridiculous. I might have to switch sides of the broken bed (that’s another story for another time) with Slappy tonight so that if the hammock outside our bedroom comes flying in it takes him out first. What? I have a plane to catch tomorrow.

And, finally, as today marked my 35th day without chocolate, I finally got to re-introduce it into my diet. And maybe I’ve built it up too much in its absence because it was actually not as good as I remember. That said, I’m pretty sure I’ll never ever go 35 consecutive days without it again. Hell, I might not go 35 non-consecutive days without it again.

So while it was a 14.5 hour work day and I’m so completely exhausted I might keel over here and now, it was also a day which included a good grade on a test, my husband getting 2 residency interviews, a success at coaching, not dying on the causeway and chocolate. A good day indeed.

Hallelujah. Can it be the weekend now?

It has been a day.

I left for work related stuff at 5:30 this morning and I arrived home at 5:30pm. In those 12 hours I literally did not have 20 minutes of non-working time, even if you added together all the 5 minute blocks I might have had. I got to work late because the thing in the morning ran long (yes, I’m being vague, it’s called not wanting to get fired) and then the copy machine ran out of paper so I had to walk to the other copy machine which is as far away from where I was standing as any object could be. I was subsequently later for my first class than I was already running, which is just great when you work 5 feet from your administrator’s office door. It’s also great to start the day playing catch up.

Just as I sat down for lunch, which was my only promised break of the day, the front office called and asked if I could watch another teacher’s class because she was going home sick. I’m not sure why they ask because you can’t say no, so I didn’t even have a lunch break today. I realize this breaks many labor laws, but I think it just broke my spirit. I needed at least 10 good minutes away from children, more for their own good than anything else.

I realized halfway through the day from hell that I had a class tonight that I had totally forgotten about. It is a lab (I took the class it goes with last year) and I was already on the fence about dropping since I have to miss 2 classes for work stuff, but when I realized that I had neither a) bought the lab manual; nor b) done a single moment of homework for the class and it was already approaching 5:00 (for a 6:30 lab), I knew that it was time to just drop that ball altogether.

It’s the first time in a long time that I’ll admit that I’ve bitten off about 12 times more than I can chew. Working full time, volunteering at a clinic 3 days a week, taking 2 full classes, applying to 30 some-odd graduate programs and coaching a sport is too much. Once you add in that my head is in a constant state of THROBBING RIDICULOUS PAIN, it just reaches a critical mass and I start to lose my shit, or at least my will to do anything.

I have a test tomorrow morning and I haven’t yet studied for it. I have a big sporting event tomorrow that I feel is going to reveal my severe ineptitude as a coach. I am flying home Friday for a test on Saturday that I have roughly a snowball’s chance in hell of passing, and then I have to fly back and start the cycle all over again. I’m almost hoping that Ike stays between California and Louisiana a little longer so that my flight will be delayed. Yes, I’m a horrible person.

And while this is one big gigantic whine of a post, it doesn’t even begin to cover the sheer amount and force of the stress I’m feeling. I want to sit in a dark corner and rock back and forth. I actually found myself singing to nothing (no radio, no ipod) in the car and didn’t bother to stop myself when I realized. Holy crap.

Dear this week, I bequeath to thee my ass, that way you can more easily kick the crap out of it.
p.s. Feel free to keep the extra 5 evacuation pounds that have taken up residence on it.

If my earlier blog didn’t indicate it, this job thing has been weighing me down. Earlier today, during a mix of stress from my chemistry exam studying and the job situation, I stopped what I was doing and had a conversation with God. I’m not sure we’ve been on great terms since I perhaps said some unkind things after the incident in Hawaii, however, I prayed. For the first time in a while. I didn’t ask for my job back, and I didn’t ask for an A on my exam, I just asked for resolution. If I wasn’t going to get an A or a B in chemistry, I just needed to know now so I could drop the class before Thursday. If I wasn’t going to get my job back, I needed to know so I could start applying elsewhere. I wasn’t looking for miracles, just resolution.

And then I left for my class.

First, I took my chemistry test. It was on 2 chapters, one of which I understood solidly and the other I did not. Not even the tutor who came in to help us could answer the questions I was confused about. It was rough. And I’m not going to say I rocked that because I truly have no idea how I did on it. However, I was able to come up, through my calculations, with one of the multiple choice answers for each question. This is almost unheard of. It doesn’t mean I got them all correct by any means, but last week’s test involved a lot of situations where I would choose the answer that was closest to my answer, and inevitably, I missed quite a few problems. So if nothing else, I at least guided my own grade this time. I’ll know probably know my grade tomorrow.

While I was taking the test, I got a call from my old work.

I have a job.

I have a GOOD job.

I’m actually teaching a subject I’m semi-educated in, as well as the one I’ve been teaching. This is fantastic, beyond just the getting paid (and therefore being able to eat, pay rent and keep the a/c running), it also means I get to keep my health insurance, it means I’ll get a Christmas holiday in which I get to go home to California to see my newest cousin’s birth and several other things. It’s also going to give me the opportunity to teach a new subject, which while somewhat scary, is a good thing. It’s going to give me a chance to re-evaluate and be sure that leaving teaching is the right decision. It’s going to allow me to clearheadedly differentiate between not liking teaching and not liking teaching the subject I’ve been teaching (I didn’t hate it, and I don’t mind teaching a couple sections of it, I just didn’t have any passion for it).

With this schedule I’ll get to teach some of my students from my first year at this school, which should be nothing if not interesting. The school is even going to give me the normal pay increase that I’d have received if I hadn’t quit at the end of this school year, which is so incredibly generous of them. I was fully willing to take that pay cut and am so pleasantly surprised to not be. I start the first full week in August, which is right after I finish with the GRE.

I’m not going to lie, it was an awful lot of good news all at once, and I’m not going to get holier than thou art, but honestly, I feel like there’s got to be a plan in place. Maybe there was a reason all of our things were stolen. I think we’ve already gained a really great new perspective on what’s truly important in life and I can only imagine that there’s another lesson waiting for me in this next year of teaching.

And I’m wildly looking forward to finding out what it is.

I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned lately how much this waiting to hear about my job thing is harming my mental health, but just let me tell you, it is. A LOT.

The email Thursday said they’d meet with me today. It did not say when, it did not say how to contact them, it did not say what I should do. So I emailed again today, just checking in and seeing if they wanted to have me come in. I even showered before noon today, just so I’d be ready at a minute’s notice.

And then I’ve waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Oh, and then I WAITED SOME MORE.

I would just drive down there and wait, but of course, I have a chemistry test today, so I can’t really trash the whole day (I will tomorrow if need be). But for the love of all that is holy and sacred, I need some news.

It’s fine, if you don’t have a job for me, just tell me already. If you’re still working on it and it’s going to take more time, just tell me. If you have a job, then great, TELL ME.

But seriously, this waiting with no news is so many levels of not okay.

Honestly, I’m not even sure what I’m going to do with my days when they aren’t filled with hours and hours of waiting for any news at all. I can only imagine what that might feel like or WHEN I MIGHT GET TO EXPERIENCE IT.

So I got an email from my former work last night, a really really nice email, by the way. Unfortunately, they filled the last open teacher position 2 weeks ago (and it was totally a subject I could’ve taught too. DOH).

But…

They’re going to begin working on the schedule today (that is, putting the students in classes, etc) and after that they’re going to see if there’s any job I might be able to take (teaching that is, they’re not going to make me a janitor). If there are large classes they can redistribute the students and add more sections of a few classes. The principal said she thought they’d be able to meet with me on Monday with the outcome of the scheduling.

So really, we’re in the exact same place of waiting with no news, but at least now I have hope and the support of my former administration. I get the feeling that if they can’t give me my job back that they’ll help me find another one. Or at least I’m going to pretend like that’s true, even if it’s not.