Archive for the ‘The Blog’ Category

One thing you should know about me: I am a procrastinator. I’ve always been one, will probably always be one. It’s just my way. So that’s why I’m not sharing this information until a week before the event instead of any time in the past month that I’ve known about it. My only excuse is procrastination. Also a small bit of denial because I’m a little nervous to be perfectly honest.

I’m going to be speaking at BlogWorld Expo in Los Angeles next week with the lovely Kerri, Jenny and (the I’m sure more rugged than lovely) Russ!

We’re extremely fortunate to be involved in the Social Health track of the conference and we’ll be speaking about what companies can do to support patients. Frankly, I’m ecstatic to be a part of a conference that gives so much time to patients and to our needs, I’ve been waiting for something like this for a long time. And this panel is something I feel pretty passionately about and something I’m really excited to have an opportunity to speak about publicly.

And by excited, I mean terrified. Okay, I also mean excited, but terrified for sure.

If you’re planning on attending BlogWorld next week, I really hope you’re stop by the panel, and if you can’t, I hope I can find you and say hi to any of you reading this. Because otherwise I’ll be standing alone a lot. I mean, also because you’re all lovely and awesome, obviously.

If you’re not coming, or heck, even if you are, I’d love to hear what YOU think companies can do to support the needs of patients. This panel isn’t about me, it’s about the community of patients, and when you get down to it, we are all patients. I’m interested to hear some perspectives on this, because it is with your help that we can hopefully help revolutionize the relationship between patients and companies.

On Wednesday I’m picking up one of my very favorite people from a nearby airport and then we’re driving to San Diego for a girl’s weekend. Okay, fine, for a really big girls weekend. With several thousand other women. It’s BlogHer. If you’ve never heard of it, it’s a conference where women who are also bloggers, join together to learn more about blogging and to have a really good time. If you have heard of it, then I hope you’re going.

This will be my 3rd BlogHer, so I feel that this makes me qualified to give you advice. I don’t care if you disagree, I’m gonna do it anyway.

1. Do not talk shit about other people. I’m serious. I don’t care how stupid or mean or unlikeable someone is, do not talk shit. Don’t tell your best friend you don’t like someone, don’t tell your roommates. No one keeps secrets no matter how good of friends they are, this is a fact. Your best friend tells her best friend who tells her best friend who just happens to be exactly who you were talking shit about. And then she tells everyone you said it. And then it’s awkward for everyone.

2. Understand that there will be cliques. Anyone who says there aren’t cliques at BlogHer is a big, fat liar. This is real life, and like real life, people who share common interests and experiences clump themselves together. These groupings are not impenetrable, they are not binding and people who hang out together aren’t trying to be exclusive. Cliques don’t need to be a bad thing.

3. Do introduce yourself to new people, to people you secretly stalk admire. They’re people just like you, and most of them will be flattered that you like their blog. Don’t be offended if they don’t know who you are, there are thousands of blogs out there, no one can know them all.

4. Do not interrupt someone’s conversation to introduce yourself. That’s the quickest way to get people to not like you. Be patient, have manners. They will be free from conversations eventually and then you can talk and become best friends.

5. Have realistic expectations with roommates, especially if you don’t know them well before you get there. And understand that if your roommate gets invited out somewhere and doesn’t invite you it’s probably not because she’s an asshole. It’s because she was invited by someone else and therefore it would be rude to bring extra guests. And if this scenario happens and you think you might want to talk or write shit about it, see #1.

6. BlogHer is overwhelming. There are a lot of people, a lot to see, a lot to do. You won’t do it all, but try to sleep at least. For 2 years running, I have come home to a massive cold that I blame on getting no sleep for 2 days. Take care of yourself, drink some water to flush out all the alcohol.

7. Don’t do anything that you don’t want photographed or video taped. Most of these bloggers will be wielding cameras of some sort.

8. If you’re a camera wielder, be gentle with the pictures that you post. If someone looks horrible, maybe don’t post that one all over the internet. Especially if it’s of me.

9. Come visit me at my Birds of a Feather panel on Friday morning. If for no other reason than so that I don’t have to stand there looking ridiculous. Whoever decided it was smart for me to lead this was clearly crazy. Whoever agreed to do it is equally crazy. Wait. No. Um, nevermind, that’s true.

10. Most of all, have a good time. This is supposed to be fun, if you’re not enjoying it, do something different. Find new people, go to a new party. You’re the only one in charge of your fun, so make the best of it.

Also, just to put it out there now…there’s a good chance that there will be hours or days where I am not feeling well. This month has been a headache hell for me, and crowds and loud noises are generally not all that helpful. If I seem off or anti-social, it’s almost definitely me, not you. Unless you’re a jerk. If I’m missing or I leave something early, it’s because I need to. If I cancel plans, it’s because I need to. I promise it’s not personal and I promise I feel badly about it and I will do my best to make up for it.

I hope to see some of your lovely faces there, and if not, I hope to not annoy you too much with BlogHer tweets while I’m there.

Honestly, when I heard it was delurking day, I was kind of shocked because wasn’t delurking day 2010 like 2 weeks ago? Apparently not. I checked, it was a full year ago. It’s sometimes amazing how quickly and slowly time can pass. Listening to my French professor talk about neuroscience was actually only 90 minutes in duration, but you’d be amazed at how long 90 minutes seems when you’re trying not to sing “Le Poisson” from The Little Mermaid.

(Hee hee hee, haw haw haw)

Anyways, the whole point of delurking day is that the people who normally don’t (or even who normally do) comment, come out of the woodwork to say hello, to say that they’re reading and to share their websites if they have one.

Last year as collateral for you identifying yourself (and you’re welcome to stay anonymous, I’m okay with that), I gave you pictures of me. You see, I make it a point to share a lot here. And many days, I wish I could share more. I wish I could tell you my husband’s name, I wish I could tell you where we live (and why it makes me want to scream 9 days out of 10) and what I am studying. But there are things I cannot share, both for my personal security, for job security and for, you know, the sake of my marriage.

But as I did last year, I’ll try to share a bit more of myself in pictures in hopes that you might be willing to say hi, and to let me know that you’re reading the crazy nonsense I write here. And because I know that I’m not the only one who loves to hear who’s reading, I’ll make it a goal to visit all sites linked in the comments over my 3 day weekend. I miss being a better commenter, so maybe this is the jumpstart I need.

Without further ado…

You’ll never guess which one is me.

Oy. The Sesame Street overalls. Sigh. 1998ish.

Prom, with my first boyfriend and the most wicked speedo tan, 1999.

With Annie, June 2010

This one comes with its own subtitle. August 2010

With the Shmo, October 2010

The best picture of my marriage ever, Thanksgiving 2010

Now it’s your turn.

Except you’re exempt from having to share pictures. At least for now…

I logged onto write a post today and something caught my eye. You see, this blog post you’re reading? It is the one thousandth blog post I’ve written here. Just let that sink in for a second. Because whoa.

I have been blogging at this site for nearly 3 and a half years. I don’t have fame or fortune from it, but that was never what it was about. I love writing here. I think the longest I’ve ever taken a break from writing was during my honeymoon and even then I popped in to write a little bit about my dad for Father’s Day. I can’t help myself when it comes to posts about my family.

This is my space, my place. It’s my therapy, it’s my community and often it’s my sanity.

One thousand blog posts.

Some funny, some sad, some crazy, some boring as all hell.

I feel like I’ve poured my life out here, probably too much of it, if we’re being honest. I’ve shared moments that I never would’ve been able to express to anyone else. I’ve worked through trauma and struggle and weakness. I’ve celebrated successes, small and big, I’ve picked myself up from failures. I’ve written my life, my trials and my tribulations here, shared them with you. Felt comforted and supported by you.

One thousand blog posts.

It’s silly to say that a blog is hugely important to me, but there are days when I’m not sure who I’d be without it. Writing here has become such an important part of my life of each day, knowing that I have a place to share my struggles and successes is comforting and calming on days when I am anything but comfortable or calm.

In one thousand blog posts I’ve worked through grief, fear, loneliness, confusion, apprehension. I have crossed lines in the sand, I have conquered fears.

I wouldn’t be where I am now, either in the number of blog posts or this part of my life without the people who have held my hand and patted my back along the way. I want to thank everyone who has read here, who has supported, who has commented, emailed or tweeted. Thank you for helping build this place, this home for my words and my stories, and yes, my whines. Thank you for helping me find and use my voice. Thank you for not giving up on me, for caring about me.

One thousand blog posts, and somehow, my story has only just begun to unfold.

A few weeks ago, I saw a CNN story about a church in Florida that is burning the Quran on September 11th. They believe that Islam is evil and that it’s of the devil. They believe that it should be destroyed and they’re starting with it’s holiest book. This church thinks that this act of hatred is the way to fix our broken world.

I respectfully disagree.

And I am disappointed.

This churches tout slogans asking what Jesus would do, they speak of the golden rule of loving their neighbor. They teach children Christian morals, they give models of how to live a Christ-like life. And yet, I cannot imagine that Jesus ever would’ve done this or ever asked his followers to. I cannot imaging that this is what he had in mind when he said that we should love our neighbors.

At first I was disappointed that more people weren’t outraged. How could we be calm and pretend like this wasn’t horrific?

I wanted to scream and yell and be angry that this was happening. I was confused by how we could just stand aside and let this happen.

And then I saw beautiful things start to come out of this mess of ugly. And slowly, very slowly my anger started to transform.

First, Karon Walrond started a “photobomb,” where she asked people to send in pictures with simple messages of peace and love. And she sent the pictures to the church as a way to show them how powerful love could be.

And then my friend Maria Melee continued what Karen started. Earlier this week, she proposed that love burns brighter than hatred and suggested that instead of sharing our outrage, instead of name calling and hatred, we send pictures of love to a twitter account associated with the church using the hashtag #loveburnsbrighter

And so instead of shouting and yelling and being angry like I normally would, I’m going to find and share love. I’m going to find peace. I’m going to tell his church that I believe that love burns brighter than their hatred. That those flames aren’t the answer.

Love is.

That hate isn’t the answer.

Love is.

Please join Maria (and many others) in tweeting to @iiotd with images of love using the hashtag #loveburnsbrighter. If you don’t use twitter or don’t want to tweet it, you are welcome to leave a comment or picture about love here and I’ll link the post with the hashtag sometime tomorrow.

Let’s bombard them with our love. Let’s show them that love burns brighter.

All credit to Maria and Karen for their wonderful, peace-minded ideas.

I’ve been blogging for over 3 years now. I’ve been reading blogs for about 5 and I have been walking this planet for 27 years. From a young age, I had people be ugly to my face, to my friends faces. Mostly on the playground when teachers weren’t watching. Sometimes on the adult-free walk home from school or on the school bus, just far enough back that the bus driver couldn’t hear. Because that’s where ugly starts. It starts in the quiet shadows where the adults can’t hear or see.

As you grow, you learn the value of the prank call, of the ability to block your number and bother others without the danger of getting caught. And now, in the age of the internet, there is more freedom than ever.

People can hide their identities, their pasts, their faces. They can protect themselves. And that is a great thing in many ways. It allows people the ability to find a support group they can access from the privacy of their home, without having to give up personal information. It gives mothers the option of getting support from other mothers without disclosing names and details about children. It enables people to get information, to learn tricks and treatments that only other people who have walked their paths can share. In many ways, anonymity is a huge asset of the internet.

But there’s another side.

Because people who aren’t here for support, who aren’t here for community, can hide their identities, can hide their information just as effectively. They have an increased sense of safety. But their safety isn’t from identity theft or stalkers, it’s from having to stand behind their words. It’s safety from their family and friends ever knowing that they spend time criticizing others, telling others what is right, what is wrong, calling others names. It’s the safety from having to acknowledge that their whole purpose on the internet is to put others down.

It’s happening with teenagers, it’s happening with adults. And you know what? It’s disgusting.

Recently someone created a new twitter account and posted my friend Erin’s address and phone number for people to call and make her confirm her identity. A different anonymous twitter account released another friend’s first and last name and other really personal information, all of which they don’t disclose on the internet.

The anonymity of the internet has empowered people who don’t need, who don’t deserve this power. People who refuse to use it responsibly, people who abuse a system, who abuse other people because they can.

Many of these anonymous accounts say they’re doing it to stop hypocrisy, to point out evils, to make people better or more responsible. I think it’s bullshit. If you want to stop hypocrisy and make the internet a more honest and responsible place, put your name behind it. Don’t call women fat, don’t call people assholes, don’t release personal information that isn’t yours or anyone else’s business. Don’t stand on your pedestal of anonymity and point out the imperfections of everyone else.

You want to make a difference in the internet? Be an example instead of an antagonist.

I’m growing so tired of seeing my friends get hurt by the words of nameless people on the internet. I’m tired of seeing my words distorted by adults who think that it’s okay to tear me down simply because I have a public blog. The fact that I write here, that I tell my stories doesn’t give you the right to call me an asshole. Or to accuse me of writing about having a headache or talking about an eating disorder for attention. I’m tired of fighting against this growing trend of people empowered by anonymity.

You are not powerful.

You are not making a difference.

You are showing me the kind of blogger, the kind of person I don’t want to be. You’re reminding me of how important it is to teach my children to value one another, to love others, to lead by a positive example instead of by pointing a negative finger.

You make me sad more than anything else. Sad that the internet has given you this false sense of safety, of security. This belief that it’s okay to hurt others because you can’t be caught.

It’s not okay.

And I hope that when your children are bullied on the playground or teased by older kids for being themselves, that you realize that you are a modern day version of that school-yard bully. You are the evolution of something that should be long extinct.

And when you have to comfort your children, when you have to hold them as they question why anyone would do that, why anyone would say those hurtful things, that you start questioning it too.

It seems to happen to me once every couple of months. But this time it started after BlogHer.

I login to Google Analytics and look at my incoming traffic and start to feel…inadequate. I compare my numbers to other bloggers and I feel unsuccessful. Desperate. I look at my check from the ads I run and I feel silly and small. I think of all the bloggers I admire, of all the ones who have been blogging for a lot less time but have more readers and I wonder what I’m doing wrong.

I get caught up in the numbers.

I get caught up in trying to make my blog enticing and attractive. I get caught up in making it something other than what it really is.

And I hate that. I hate what it becomes.

I don’t write for page views or comments. I don’t write for twitter followers or to be given awards or put on lists. I don’t write for money or despite what my trolls think, for attention.

That is not why I write.

It has nothing to do with numbers, nothing to do with attention or accolades.

I write because I love to do it. I like to tell my stories, to share my life, to get things out of my head and record life events.

I write because I think I have a different perspective on the internet. Note that I didn’t say an interesting one. But I think that I am able to tell a story that many people live but few share publicly. I think I give an insight into a life that most people don’t know anything about.

I write because it makes me happy, it makes me feel like me. Writing here gets me out of my head, allows me to talk out my fears and worries. It allows me to celebrate moments and mourn others.

I write because I am a chronic procrastinator and it is a GREAT excuse to avoid homework.

I write because I have a support system here. I’ve written at length about my struggle with disordered eating and I am always blown away by how many of you encourage me, worry about me and continue to support me in spite of my issues. I wrote a tough blog post about anxiety last week and I am overwhelmed by the comments and emails I got, reminding me I’m not alone, thanking me for giving them a voice.

And every time I get caught up in this numbers game I realize just how much those numbers devalue my blog, how they disturb my writing, my voice. When I try to write for anything other than the love of writing or the desire to share my stories, I don’t like what I’m publishing. I don’t like what you’re reading.

There is no program, no statistic that shows how important blogging is to me. There is no way to measure how much it has given me, how much I have grown from writing here. And until there is, I’m going to write because I want to. I’m going to tell my stories, I’m going to appreciate my support system, I’m going to share my life.

And I would be honored if you’d stick around to read. But even if you don’t, I’m going to stay true to my voice, to my writing. I’m going to keep doing what I always set out to do: write.

There are some days, like today, where I’m become disenchanted with the internet. Days when I forget about all the reasons I love writing here, love having a support system here, just love my little piece of the world wide web. Days when I get so focused on the ugly parts that I want to walk away.

But thankfully, I don’t have to look far to find the good parts. In this case, just to my twitter account.

On Saturday night, I tweeted about my dinner…

Within a few minutes, I saw this…

And while there are still parts of the internet that I desperately want to junk punch on a pretty regular basis, I also know sometimes the internet just gets me.

It’s hard to hold a grudge with friends like these.

I have been getting some really fantastic spam comments lately and frankly, they’re too good not to share. Please know that I literally copied and pasted these comments, the spelling and punctuation, though similar to my norm, is all the spammers. Really. Okay, mostly.

“My colleage was full of joy when reading one paragraph on your post “… a little tour of the past 6 years with that boy. With some really priceless pictures. We met at a camp. …” it makes me to look more intelligent after understanding it.” You’re right, Reverse Telephone Lookup, you actually do look more intelligent after understanding that fragment of a blogpost about my anniversary.

“Your title Utah is Hard, Yo sums up your content well.” Huh, that one may not actually be spam. It’s actually kind of…observant. And literate.

Smokeless cigarettes wrote, “One crucial point I really enjoy about web site posts is the fact that they spark an notion in my brain. Immediately after that comes about, I experience as I need to comment while using hope it is beneficial to many people.” If only the notion sparked in their brain had some semblance of syntax or grammar.

“This can be one of the most important article I ever read today, I’m talking about this piece of your article “…, but once we began doing some pricing, we realized that without all the cards full of money we got for our wedding,…” this is it, you just smashed it down buddy.” Thanks, How to Get Over my Ex (hint: not by leaving non-sensical spam comments). You really smashed something down too. Namely the English language.

“Thanks for the “work” you put into your blog says my aunt” Um, Live prrno cam, I’m not really sure I appreciate your quotation mark implications. Okay fine. Your aunt and her condescending quotation marks may be right, but she can still bite me.

“Considerably, the blog post is actually the greatest on this worthy topic. I concur with your decisions and will thirstily look forward to see your approaching updates. Saying thanks will not just be adequate, for the phenomenal lucidity in your writing. Please maintain it up!” It’s like the Thesaurus sponsored a spam comment.

Oh, and did I mention that Sarah Palin reads my blog? And she think’s I’m awesome. Seriously, she left me a comment with her name on it and everything! “Such a well written post.. Thnkx for sharing this post!” At least they got the spelling and punctuation sort of close to how I expect she would actually write a comment.

I feel like I have so much to live up to now. I mean, I need to spark notions and smash things. And most importantly, I have to go maintain it up. My life is hard (yo).

I noticed that over the course of the past few weeks there has been a shift in the internet. It may have occurred long ago, but I just noticed it this week. I seems that I’ll be reading a site I like, or a site I just discovered when I get to a post that doesn’t fit. Something about it just feels funny the whole way through.

And it never fails that at the end of that post it will say “this post was sponsored by (the company I just said glittery wonderful things about)” and it’s all I can do to not walk away from my computer right then.

Maybe that’s harsh, but I feel like my twitter stream, my blog list is suddenly filled with promotions, with paid reviews. With things that are not writing. Yes, there are words and sentences, but it’s not real writing.

I understand that many people make a living off their blogs and that to do that, they have to write reviews. And that’s fine and well, but don’t be surprised if people click away. Or I guess person. I’m not looking for profundity, I’m not looking for earth-shattering thoughts and prose (and judging by the fact that you’re reading this, neither do you), I just want to read something real. I want to read about your family’s silly anecdote. I want to hear about that thing that happened last week, that news story that pissed you off or warmed your heart. I want to hear your good and bad news.

I want to read real things.

I don’t want to read about how you got a free car. I don’t want to read about that great! glass! cleaner! I don’t want to read about how you got a free trip to Narnia by blogging about how great Narnia is. I just don’t. Because it’s disingenuous. Because it’s not your real voice. It a voice I can’t trust. It’s a voice I know has ulterior motives, a voice that has been paid to speak, to write.

I tweeted about this yesterday and was surprised at how many people agree. How many people besides me miss the writing, the real stuff, the stories, the jokes, the rants. I’m not the only one. We miss hearing your voice, the real one, not the one that got paid to write that blog post.

If this blog post hurt your feelings, I’m sorry. I do understand that writing reviews is a source of income and hey, I run ads on my blog. I get that. But if you have to write reviews, disperse them. Put them on a second blog that we can choose to go read. Don’t try to hide it within your real content, we see through that. Don’t try to pretend like it’s real writing, it’s not. And I feel like I’m being duped.

Just bring back the writing. Bring back your voice. Be genuine again. Because that, not the number of pageviews, not the number of fans on facebook or followers on twitter, is what makes you a good writer, a good blogger. If you don’t have the content, then none of the rest of it matters anyway.

Bring back the real stuff. Please.