You ever have one of those weeks where you just feel like a rookie at everything you do? Because yea, this was one of those. In no particular order, things I learned this week:
1. Just because a stuffed animal tag says to hand wash doesn’t mean that hand washing will actually get the smell of vomit out of it.
2. Stuffed animals that say they must be hand washed do just fine in a washing machine.
3. The gentle cycle was not made for items covered in vomit.
4. Sometimes, toddlers throw up in their bed for no reason and then sleep in it quietly all night.
5. Toddlers are disgusting.
6. Scentsy plug ins are the greatest invention of all time.
7. If you try to remove a Scentsy from an outlet while the wax is melted, no matter how carefully you pull, you will throw hot wax all over yourself and your surroundings.
8. Seriously, no matter how carefully you do it. Trust me.
9. The group B strep test is a horrific invasion of personal space and it turns out it’s something you might forget between pregnancies.
10. My 2 year old now has the cognitive and language abilities to have an actual argument with his father.
11. He also has the persistence to win the argument.
12. If you buy your toddler cute pajamas, they will never want to take them off and might wear them to preschool pretty much every day.
13. If you put your toddler in a normal shirt and pants, ones that would be acceptable to wear to preschool the next day, to sleep in, and feel like an evil genius for thinking of this, they will ask to change out of their jammies in the morning.
14. Eli thinks flip flops are called clip clops and that is now what they are called forever and ever.
15. Toddlers can live on air and water and bananas for days at a time.
16. Items tend to cook better in the oven when you turn it on.
17. They also cook better if you don’t accidentally turn it off halfway through.
18. The timer and the oven buttons are very close together.
19. Insurance companies can limit the number of generic Zofran you can get each month, even if your doctor prescribes a normal dosage and even if you’re pregnant with persistent nausea.
20. Because apparently insurance companies know more than physicians.
21. You can eat several pints of ice cream and all kinds of terrible things when you’re 35 weeks pregnant and not gain an ounce.
22. Somehow, pieces of tile can get into your Bisquick.
23. Bisquick takes these claims SUPER seriously and will call you at 8am the morning after you submit an email.
24. They will also tell you that it’s not tile, but hardened “product.”
25. Apparently, if the “product” is left in the equipment too long, one side lacquers itself. Or you know, IT’S A PIECE OF TILE.
26. There’s something kind of sad about your toddler switching from calling you mama to calling you mommy.
27. I have the cutest toddler on earth. Okay fine, I didn’t learn that this week.