So look. I’m going to complain a bit here. If that bothers you, I would politely suggest you look elsewhere for a day or so. I don’t plan to make this a regular event here (hilarious concept, I know), I just need a little time to vent.
This pregnancy is rough. And let me just say, I have a good sense of perspective here. I do not have severe morning sickness, I do not have hyperemesis gravidarum. I don’t need IV fluids or hospitalizations. I know very clearly how much worse this could be, really I do. But that is not changing that fact that currently the morning sickness is zapping my ability to be a functional grown up and making me miserable.
Every morning I wake up sometime in the wee hours of the morning and take a Zofran and go back to sleep. Without this step, the rest of the morning is an impossibility. Then, when I get up around 7 (any earlier and I can’t really even get out of bed without dry heaving endlessly), I can sit in bed and feel totally fine, but the instant I stand up to go get Eli, the nausea hits. And 9 times out of 10, I spend at least 10-15 minutes dry heaving, trying to stay calm as tears stream down my face (not crying, just retching makes my eyes water like whoa) and waiting for it to pass.
Most mornings it’s better by 8. This morning I had a second session when I tried to pack myself some snacks for later in the day. I don’t know what it was about chocolate covered pretzels, but it wasn’t pleasant and I was almost late for work. Again. Thankfully my boss is also pregnant and very understanding. So far I haven’t been late for a patient, just late for set up.
Once I manage to eat breakfast, things usually improve. And for a few hours, I feel pretty normal and it is delightful. I look forward to 8:30 to 11 every day. Lunch is sometimes easy and sometimes a struggle, it just varies day to day. Last week the thing I wanted for lunch so badly also almost made me hurl and I was saved by a dissolvable Zofran I had been saving for several months. I have no idea what was different that day just as I have no idea what makes one day better and one day worse. It’s just a nausea crapshoot.
Late afternoon is hard. I usually get nauseous before I get hungry and it reaches a point where it’s hard to talk because that makes me gag, which is really tough when treating patients. Today I actually canceled my last patient because I knew I wouldn’t be able to make it through their session. I rescheduled them and I feel horrible, but I know they don’t want me gagging on their kid, even if non-contagiously. And this is with 8mg of Zofran pretty much 24 hours a day. Most nights dinner is followed by sitting completely still for a half an hour because that is the only thing that makes me not feel like puking. And then it’s on and off for the rest of the night until I go to sleep.
At this point in my pregnancy with Eli I had gagged maybe twice total and had gained like 8 pounds. So far I’ve actually lost a pound and have yet to have a single day in the past 3 weeks where I don’t spend a significant portion of my morning retching. And while this is manageable and not the end of the world and I KNOW that, as someone who hates vomiting more than anything on the face of the earth, it blows. I know that this experience is typical, but I feel so blindsided by it because the nausea was so mild with Eli, I just assumed that that was how I tolerated early pregnancy. And hey, I was wrong. So that discovery kind of sucks anew every day.
I keep reading that it should be letting up and it just isn’t yet. I find myself dreading going to sleep at night because the mornings are so hard and I just feel like there’s no end in sight. I’m afraid it’s not going to go away and I don’t know how I’d last 29.5 more weeks.
I really have to say, the one truly wonderful thing in all of this is my husband. He has gone above and beyond to help with diapers, picking up things I casually mention sound edible and just being all around amazing. He has given way more than his share of baths and dealt with messes that would normally be my job without complaint even though I know it sucks. I could not get through this without him and I am going to have to buy him something really shiny when this is all over. Or maybe I’ll just get him a baby.
Anyway. That’s what’s going on here. It’s why I’ve been more quiet than usual. I’m working on sucking it up. It’s not going well so far, but I’m trying.