I realized I’ve alluded on various social networks and even here that our future is a bit cloudy right now, but I figured I may as well take some time to elaborate a bit. I’m sure you can all use a break from my riveting PTSD coverage anyway. (You’re welcome)
My husband is in his final year of his original Residency/Fellowship (he did a combination program) and will be completely finished at the end of June 2014, which, hallelujah, that was a very long 5 years for him. At that point, he can go out and just be a physician, which is kind of awesome considering how long it’s taken to get to that point, but, that’s not what he wants. So instead, the past few months he’s been applying for a second fellowship. He wants to do one more year of training (that is highly specialized), which will allow him to have a more narrow scope of practice and make him pretty highly appealing to just about any children’s hospital in the county.
So the interviews have been going on since August. So far he’s interviewed with a hospital here in Southern California and one in Cleveland. He has another scheduled next week in Buffalo and another right after that in Virginia. I’m not sure if you realized, but Cleveland, Buffalo and Virginia are oddly not in Southern California.
I’ve been doing this dance with these interviews, because I do support whatever it takes to get my husband to the point where he can be the physician he wants to be, but at the same time, the idea of packing up for a year to move across the country is tough. He and I both agree that the Southern California option is our first choice for several reasons, but they have had issues with funding and so it’s looking less and less likely. At the same time, the program in Buffalo is more and more interested. They called him at 10:30 their time on a Sunday night to let them know they wanted to interview him. They tracked down one of his coworkers at a conference last week to let her know that they are highly interested in him for the spot. They want him and the availability in their program was a surprise (someone backed out after originally committing) and is not something to be ignored.
It just feels like we’re living, but not really. We don’t know where we’re living next year. We don’t know if I’ll be working or not. We don’t know if Eli will go to preschool or stay home with me. We don’t know if we’ll have a house or another apartment or some variation therein. We can’t make any long term plans for our lives because we just don’t know anything beyond June. It’s like we’re living in a waiting room. Waiting to get the call or email with our next stop.
We are comforted that my husband’s current hospital has offered him a position as an attending if he doesn’t get a fellowship so there’s not a great deal of panic about that, and he can reapply next year (part of the issue is that he started applying a bit too late, which was entirely not his fault and very frustrating). It takes a lot of the stress off of him, which is a good thing because I know that this is terribly taxing on him.
I’m struggling the most because I really love my job and don’t want to leave it. It’s some place that I can see myself working at for decades. It’s small, but it feels very much like a family. I love the people and patients I work with, I love the work I’m doing and the idea that if I go away for a year, I may not be able to come back to it is terribly sad. But at the same time, I’m willing to risk that for my husband because I know that his desires are as strong as mine and he has worked so very hard to get to this point, I can’t hold him back.
Sacrifices are being made all around and they are tough (as sacrifices are wont to be). I will be fine regardless of where we live next year. Truly. I can adapt and I will, but the waiting is killing me softly. I just want to know already.