(Not) With Haste

I’ve had a number of things bouncing around in my head that I’ve wanted to post, but every time I have the time, I forget what I was going to write and when I remember I don’t have the time. And so basically my blog has been dormant for a while. I’m working on another sponsored post/giveaway for this week, but I thought perhaps I should write something real first because I feel bad when things get clouded with sponsored stuff.

Things are going fairly well for the most part. Before I continue, let me just say that I’m not really looking for fixes because I get that much of this is normal, I just want to talk about it because I’m tired of not. This doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to comment or anything, I just mean, I’m not looking for solutions with this post, just airing things.

Eli is rapidly approaching 14 months and is still not walking. And before you tell me that this is normal, I know, I really do. I know that up to 15 months is normal and I’ve consulted with my boss who I trust implicitly and even though I know it’s fine, I’m still concerned. And if he was almost 14 months and hadn’t had a brain injury, I wouldn’t be concerned at all, I would chalk it up to him being a cautious kid and let him figure it out. But he did have a brain injury and that changes absolutely everything.

The issue right now is that though Eli has much improved motivation to walk, he’s still just not able. Like, not he needs more practice or encouragement, he just can’t. He has taken individual steps and is able to take one step with his right foot, but is having issues with the left leg. When he walks while holding our hands he’s using some really unusual mechanics and after a minute or two, his left foot begins to drag and he trips. This has even caused him to get little scrapes on the tops of his toes from walking on a pool deck barefooted. This too may be normal and I’m letting it play itself out, but it’s causing me concern. It’s really hard, given my background, to not worry about it.

Interestingly, we had set Eli’s walking goal (where by I mean, we said, surely he’ll be walking by this point) at a camp (for medically fragile kids) my husband and I were going to work at in 2 weeks. After my husband worked there last summer they asked if I would also come help this year and told us we could even bring Eli, and we jumped at the opportunity. I got the week off work, we’ve been doing some planning and then Friday night we got a message saying that Eli could no longer come, oops, their bad. And now instead of planning for a fun week with my family, volunteering with an awesome group of kids, I’m planning for another week of solo parenting.

And look a week of solo parenting is not the end of the world, I know this but the last time I solo parented I fell into a horrible spiral of anxiety and I’m just…I can’t. I mean, I can, I logically and realistically know that I can, I just don’t want to. Somewhat thankfully, I’m doing a special therapy session next week where this head honcho guy is going to teach my deep breathing and hopefully that will help me cope with the insomnia that took over the last time my husband was gone. And hey, let’s be honest, I could totally benefit from two therapy sessions in one day. I mean really.

So, that’s where things are right now. One of those times where everything feels kind of urgent when the reality is that nothing is actually urgent at all. In other words, fun times up in here.

21 Responses to “(Not) With Haste”

  • Andrea:

    No assvice here, but I thought they had 18 months to walk. At least it was 6 or 7 years ago. I know because my son walked at 17 months, and 3 weeks. I was STRESSED. But he’s totally fine, and he did that top of foot drag as well, every time I tried to get him to walk.

    [Reply]

    Katie Reply:

    @Andrea, 18 months isn’t necessarily abnormal, but they qualify for assistance after 15 months, so we might take that option if it comes our way. If it wasn’t for that pesky brain injury, I wouldn’t, but, well, it happened.

    [Reply]

  • Jennifer:

    My daughter is a little over 14 months and not walking. She will take a step or two but then she gently lowers herself down and crawls to what she wants. I am ready for her to walk! i want to be able to take her outside and not worry about her scrapping up her knees and toes as she crawls around. Solo parenting IS hard and totally sucks.

    [Reply]

    Katie Reply:

    @Jennifer, Yes! I know everyone keeps telling me that once he starts walking it’s harder, but he wants to get down now and he can’t because crawling isn’t good for outdoor stuff. I’m beyond ready, plus, I’m ready for him to be less frustrated, which is so hard to watch.

    [Reply]

  • Ankh:

    I didn’t walk till 17 months, and none of my siblings walked till well after the 12 month mark. We are all awesome adults. :) Another thing, if he is having issues with mechanics—there was an article on Slate a few weeks ago about how Western babies have mechanical issues walking because they have “giant sacks of pee” between their legs. Maybe try letting him toddle around naked? Preferably outside or over a suitably pee-protected surface?

    [Reply]

    Katie Reply:

    @Ankh, Haaaa, the image of that is awesome. I’ll check it out, thanks!

    [Reply]

  • Jaclyn:

    My daughter is almost exactly Eli’s age and we were dealing with something similar, though not exactly the same. Her feet had a slight muscle abnormality that we were told should resolve itself “by the time she is walking”. The muscles are clearly not still normal and she only just started walking a week or so ago. She seemed so close to walking for so long it drove me crazy not knowing if her feet were holding her back. While she is now walking I still want to discuss it with her Dr. at the 15 month appointment just in case. So many “what if”s at this age!

    I hope Eli takes a few confident steps soon and is able to ease your worries just a bit!

    [Reply]

    Katie Reply:

    @Jaclyn, It’s so hard to know how things will turn out. I’m sure I’ll look back at this and laugh at my worry some day, but now it feels so big. Sigh. Glad your girl is walking and good luck with the 15m appt.

    [Reply]

    Jaclyn Reply:

    @Katie,

    Thanks. She’s been improving so on the one hand I’m sure it’s fine. On the other hand they said it would be all better and it certainly isn’t. It would be nice if this parenting thing were more black and white.

    And thank you for sharing so much about your parenting struggles. It’s nice to feel less alone in all the craziness.

    [Reply]

  • Both of my kids were late walkers too (Catie was 14 months, Lucy was more like 15-16 months), and even without the brain injury, I worried. So I get it.

    Solo parenting for a week is tough with a toddler. It’s especially tough when you have problems with anxiety. This may or may not help you, but could you either (a) have somebody come camp out with you at your place for at least a couple of those nights so you aren’t alone the whole time (grandparents, friend, sibling, anyone?) or (b) get a prescription for a mild sedative to help you sleep, so you at least don’t have to deal with the insomnia part? These are things that have saved me at various points, either have my mom in the guest room, or take a Klonopin so I could sleep (and it’s mild enough that I could relax, knowing that if the kids needed me during the night, I would be able to wake up and function; not like a sleeping pill, which would basically put me in an 8 hour coma). Because for me, the insomnia makes the anxiety so much worse – when you don’t sleep, you feel craaaaaaazy. And that’s not a spiral you need to visit if you can avoid it.

    [Reply]

    Katie Reply:

    @cindy w, I have Xanax, but the last time I took it at night, I overslept my alarm by 45 minutes, so my concern is that I sleep a little too soundly and might miss him waking up. I’m considering going home for a few days to visit my family, but it all depends upon the work situation. I just don’t know but I am not a happy camper, pun not even intended, but I’m letting it stay because lazy.

    [Reply]

  • This is one of those cases where I’m so glad I’m not a medical professional, it must make all of these milestones so fraught! I agree with Cindy, anti-anxiety meds might be up your alley, and you can always half your dose of xanax if you’re sleeping too soundly. I take Ativan in a VERY small dose occasionally and haven’t had trouble waking up with Moe, but I know everyone is different. Just hoping you get some relief from the anxiety, because ugh, insomnia, not your friend when you have a 14 month old!

    [Reply]

    Katie Reply:

    @Tamara, It really does. And I honestly think that if he had never gotten hurt, I would be fine with him taking his time. But I just feel like we’re constantly waiting with baited breath to see what the long term outcome of his injury will be and this was one thing the neurosurgeon warned about.

    I might try cutting the Xanax in half. I’m hoping that I won’t need it and I’ll be totally fine this time. Because in addition to anxiety issues, I also have some problems with denial.

    [Reply]

  • kimybeee:

    you are doing a great job as a parent and parents worry about their kids!!!! anxiety sucks and hopefully your therapy will allow you some relief! I don’t ever remember Lamaze breathing when I had my kids, but I practice it all the time with my anxiety lol lol lol just share away what ever you have on your mind and you will have support from the internet community you have built on here!!

    [Reply]

    Katie Reply:

    @kimybeee, Aw thanks. Parenting is hard and scary and it is so beyond helpful to have this community. I don’t know how I’d survive without it.

    [Reply]

  • Hi!

    Insomnia here. Not sleeping as my brain is overrun with anxiety about everything.

    My son (my Elijah) walked around 15 months (beating his father, who, according to my MIL, walked at 16.5 months), and while he’s no daredevil, he took his sweet time. My daughter JUST THIS WEEK took more than a few steps between objects/parents. 13 steps across the room. She refused to hold our hands and walk (as did my son), but loves, loves, loves cruising. It’s been no end of anxiety for me especially when the doctor, at their 15 month check-up, said he’d be “almost” concerned if she didn’t start within a month. No brain injuries here, thankfully, but well, she’s a twin, and twins (as I’m sure you know), often have hip issues from being all squinched in the abdomen of their 5’0″ mother for 39 weeks. So I think I had reason to freak. But she’s now 18.5 months, folks. And she CAN. And it’s not pretty, but she’s working on it. I found things that are motivating for her — a book where a baby learns to walk (Babies, by Gyo Fujikawa), and taking pictures of her walking to show her (a budding photographer? or just a diva?).

    It’s hard to quell those first-time-parent with a-degree-in-healthcare feelings. Goodness knows I’ve tried.

    [Reply]

    Katie Reply:

    @Mrs. Apron, I really wish you live closer to me because I feel like you are my people. Eli has taken one step, twice, two weeks ago. And nothing since. He can stand independently, but almost never does. It’s just so hard to know what is his personality and what is inability and it’s exhausting. I’ll go check out that book, thanks!

    [Reply]

    Mrs. Apron Reply:

    @Katie, She did take a few steps, more like a stumbling trust-fall, over a month ago. And she was more willing to hold our hands and walk, or hold one hand. Then something happened. She fell, perhaps? Felt insecure? Wouldn’t walk when asked. Refused. So I refused back. Refused to carry her to breakfast from the living room. Kept offering a walking toy (4-wheel push toy ), which she would accept. And in her own time, her own sweet time, she tried again. In the past four days (since my last bout of insomnia, it seems!), she’s more and more confident, and will walk when asked, with a huge grin on her face. She just didn’t want to do it until she felt she could. I think.

    [Reply]

  • Debbie A-H (editdebs):

    No advice or anything, but just so know about the worry. It is the one thing I wasn’t prepared for as a parent. That little black cloud that follows you. You can ignore it much of the time, but it’s always there. (Sorry if I have told this before, but even though my son is off to college in the fall, that cloud still follows me and always will, I think.) And I don’t have anxiety issues. Just know I am, and many others are, sending you good vibes and prayers and virtual hugs. You are doing a great job!

    [Reply]

    Katie Reply:

    @Debbie A-H (editdebs), I really had no idea. I mean, I’m a worrier by nature, but damn, this is just unbelievable. I don’t know if it’s good or bad to know that it doesn’t go away anytime soon, but at least I’m prepared!

    [Reply]

  • Allison:

    Often babies do something once, stand or walk, and stop and almost seem to regress for a few weeks before actually doing it. This happened with both my boys. Also boys can have some slow sensory mapping skills, so they real have to study study study before the mechanics seem to make sense to them with walking or when they get older doing fine motor projects like knot work or weaving. Think about head size too, borh my boys have giant heads and it didnt help their balance, a lot o falling to one side! Just hang in there and whatever you do don’t compare him to a little girls fine motor growth, it will freak you out everytime.

    [Reply]

Leave a Reply

Welcome!
I'm Katie, a 30-year-old, wife, mom, former teacher-turned PT, who also had brain surgery in November of 2007. This blog chronicles my daily life, from mundane to crazy, often with far too much detail. Sit down, get comfortable and stay for a while.
Social Media Links
RSSTwitterFacebookpinterestinstagram
Email
overflowingbrain@gmail.com
Categories
Previously…
BlogHer Reviewer