I’ve had a number of things bouncing around in my head that I’ve wanted to post, but every time I have the time, I forget what I was going to write and when I remember I don’t have the time. And so basically my blog has been dormant for a while. I’m working on another sponsored post/giveaway for this week, but I thought perhaps I should write something real first because I feel bad when things get clouded with sponsored stuff.
Things are going fairly well for the most part. Before I continue, let me just say that I’m not really looking for fixes because I get that much of this is normal, I just want to talk about it because I’m tired of not. This doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to comment or anything, I just mean, I’m not looking for solutions with this post, just airing things.
Eli is rapidly approaching 14 months and is still not walking. And before you tell me that this is normal, I know, I really do. I know that up to 15 months is normal and I’ve consulted with my boss who I trust implicitly and even though I know it’s fine, I’m still concerned. And if he was almost 14 months and hadn’t had a brain injury, I wouldn’t be concerned at all, I would chalk it up to him being a cautious kid and let him figure it out. But he did have a brain injury and that changes absolutely everything.
The issue right now is that though Eli has much improved motivation to walk, he’s still just not able. Like, not he needs more practice or encouragement, he just can’t. He has taken individual steps and is able to take one step with his right foot, but is having issues with the left leg. When he walks while holding our hands he’s using some really unusual mechanics and after a minute or two, his left foot begins to drag and he trips. This has even caused him to get little scrapes on the tops of his toes from walking on a pool deck barefooted. This too may be normal and I’m letting it play itself out, but it’s causing me concern. It’s really hard, given my background, to not worry about it.
Interestingly, we had set Eli’s walking goal (where by I mean, we said, surely he’ll be walking by this point) at a camp (for medically fragile kids) my husband and I were going to work at in 2 weeks. After my husband worked there last summer they asked if I would also come help this year and told us we could even bring Eli, and we jumped at the opportunity. I got the week off work, we’ve been doing some planning and then Friday night we got a message saying that Eli could no longer come, oops, their bad. And now instead of planning for a fun week with my family, volunteering with an awesome group of kids, I’m planning for another week of solo parenting.
And look a week of solo parenting is not the end of the world, I know this but the last time I solo parented I fell into a horrible spiral of anxiety and I’m just…I can’t. I mean, I can, I logically and realistically know that I can, I just don’t want to. Somewhat thankfully, I’m doing a special therapy session next week where this head honcho guy is going to teach my deep breathing and hopefully that will help me cope with the insomnia that took over the last time my husband was gone. And hey, let’s be honest, I could totally benefit from two therapy sessions in one day. I mean really.
So, that’s where things are right now. One of those times where everything feels kind of urgent when the reality is that nothing is actually urgent at all. In other words, fun times up in here.