Reinvention

Lately, things here have felt off. I come to write (when I have the time) and I feel…confused, I guess. This blog began as a way to document the struggles I was having with my health, to share my experiences as I prepared for and recovered from my decompression surgery. To reach out to others with chronic health conditions and find connections in that community.

That was 5 years ago.

Since getting pregnant with Eli, my headaches are now all but gone. The dizziness is no longer an issue. The nausea is now just anxiety related and is typically well managed. My left hand is 95% as dexterous as my right, which is probably better than it was before I started to struggle with it. Frankly, my health is great. This is all good news and I am thrilled to write these words. I have never in my life felt better.

And now I come here and I feel like I don’t know what or how to write. I don’t have health stuff to discuss. I don’t have anything in common with the community I once identified with. This used to be a health blog, but it’s becoming clearer each day that that’s no longer the case. And it’s time for a reinvention.

The name will stay the same, and for now the design will stay the same, but there are some changes. First, the scar is gone. It’s gone from here, it’s gone from twitter, it’s gone from Facebook, it’s gone. That point in my life is past and it no longer needs to be a defining feature of now. I think I held onto it for as long as I did because I wasn’t sure what else to put there and because I thought no one would recognize the site without it. And then I realized that I don’t care.

A few years ago, I checked my blog stats regularly. I cared about my Klout. I cared about my twitter followers. I still care about this site and the words I put on it, but the rest of it has lost it’s importance. I don’t even know how the newest version of Google Analytics works. I don’t care.

What I care about is writing things that matter. Mostly to me, but sometimes to other people as well. To document these years as a new mother, as a still relatively new wife, as a new professional in my career. To document this period so that someday I can look back and remember these events with greater clarity than my memory alone will allow.

This blog has been a way for me to cope with a lot of things. It was my therapy substitute for eons, it has been my soundboard and support system. I still need those things from time to time, but I do not wish to be writing as a victim of my life any longer, as someone oppressed by things. I want to write as someone who experiences things, who lives, not someone whose life is passing them by, who is uncomfortable in their life and skin.

If I could start this blog over again, I would do some things differently. Keep some things more private, share more of others. But I cannot. And I won’t waste time regretting or deleting. It’s there, a reminder of what has happened, of who I was at the time, just as subsequent posts will be reminders of who I am now, in this moment. No matter what or how I write, I won’t please everyone and that’s also fine and it’s not something I’ll waste time trying to do.

This blog has been undergoing a change for quite some time, it’s just only now that I’m acknowledging it. Call it a mom blog, a mommy blog, a family blog, whatever label it needs. But it’s just mine. The name will continue to be what it has always been, the themes will vary, the same way life does. And hopefully these changes, this new page that has been turned, will help bring me back here. Because I have missed it and I am looking forward to more.

13 Responses to “Reinvention”

  • I still LOVE your tweets! And I essentially ended my health blog, which ironically I should start back up since I just got another diagnosis. But I did start a new blog…there it is. Go us!!

    http://cultivatewhatyoulove.wordpress.com

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  • I am so happy to hear that your headaches and health issues have dissipated over the course of your pregnancy and new motherhood. I was wondering how you were doing (I’ve been following your blog for several years), and I am so pleased to hear that parenthood is agreeing with you on so many levels.

    I look forward to the new direction that your life and blog are taking. It is nice to have a written record of ‘where we have been’ to help us recognize how far we have come. It is all a part of the tapestry, that is our life.

    Best of everything to you … and I will still be quietly following your journey through your writing.

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  • Editdebs:

    I’m looking forward to it also!

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  • I am a new mom also and I have been silently reading your blog since you were pregnant. I identify with a lot of what you say on here and twitter. We finally finished sleep transitioning my daughter at 11 months 2 weeks. My goal was a year!

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  • Nikki:

    Yay, Katie! Lots of happiness in your reinvention!

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  • I have been following your blog since I started reading your posts on Being Pregnant. My son is a month younger than yours and I have enjoyed all of your posts, mommy-related and not. Hooray for changes and all the best to you and your future bloggy adventures!

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  • Kendra:

    I started reading your blog years ago, and was drawn to it as I too have Chiari. I’ve emailed with you privately when you were in the thick of it. I can’t tell you how happy I am for you that you no longer have health stuff to blog about! Girl, that is awesome! I love seeing your family grow and expand, and I’m keeping my fingers crossed that your health continues to stay steady. Regardless of what type of blog you have, I’m sticking with you :)

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  • Anne:

    Does this mean there will be more food? :P i love your blog no matter what you write, because you write it.. i stumbled across it years ago because of the migraines (which i suffer from) and i stuck around because of your “voice”. I stalk, I mean, follow you on twitter to, so it’s all good :)

    ~Anne

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  • I found you because of the shared Chairi issues, but there is so much more to you than that! Honestly, the tweets make me smile when I check in, because they’re a good reminder of when my boys were small.

    Overflowing brain? Well, it’s overflowing with thoughts of your family! I envision a blog header with a picture of you and little bubbles crowding in over your head with the things you enjoy and love. :)

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  • Flea:

    I haven’t visited in forever, though I do see your tweets and FaceCrack updates. I’ve been reading and skimming back to this point, playing catch up. I’m so glad to read that things are relatively well, that your pain is nearly gone. I’ve wondered. Periodically I pray for you when you come to mind.

    We’ve had mental illness bubble up with one of my teens. He was actually cutting a couple of years back, so we pulled him out of school and are homeschooling him again – bullying happening at school. Then we find he’s bipolar.

    Not sure why I told you that. Just back filling, since it’s been so long, explaining my own absence just a bit. And to say that no matter how cautious we are as parents, crap happens. And we love and endure.

    Good to catch up. I’ll see you around. :)

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    Katie Reply:

    Without sarcasm, thank you for sharing. I think that is a good lesson about caution. I think we probably all need to grant ourselves some grace in life.

    I’m sorry about your son, I hope you’re able to help him through this.

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  • I am so happy for you that your headaches are better! That is great news. I am still hoping that my husband’s will go away. He just hasn’t found anything that has helped yet. I think wherever you are in life is what you should be proud to share. I love to be able to see your baby grow. i don’t personally know you of course but have followed you for a few years now. I am happy for your happiness!

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  • OMG shortly after I posted my 5 year old fell,off the couch and hit his head on the rug/floor. It was a loud thud. I haven’t gotten the real story. After dinner he was clingy and said he was full and tired. I went to bed with him since his stomach hurt and then after an hour I gently stirred him. He threw up so much. So now I am freaked if he has a concussion or just a stomach bug. Motherhood…it really isn’t easy. I will keep an extra at watchful eye thanks to you sharing your story. :)

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Welcome!
I'm Katie, a 30-year-old, wife, mom, former teacher-turned PT, who also had brain surgery in November of 2007. This blog chronicles my daily life, from mundane to crazy, often with far too much detail. Sit down, get comfortable and stay for a while.
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