We can file this blog post into the, I need a laugh because I’ve been stuck at home with a very sad, sick baby for the past 3 days.
My husband and I have a queen sized bed. I am not particularly fond of king beds because it just feels so giant in a room and I actually like cuddling. Sometimes. It seems like in order to cuddle in a king sized bed, you have to make a great migration across the vast desert of sheets and yea, I just said that. Anyway, we like our bed. But lately, I’m reconsidering my queen sized stance.
This is how we begin in bed each night, but obviously with a comforter on top of us.
(We’re spooning. And that’s Jacques-Imo, totally drawn to scale.)
This is 5 minutes later, when I start itching and we both go to the way we really want to be sleeping and drop the cuddling charade. Please note my husband’s arm under my pillow, which is one of my lifetime pet peeves and somehow, also, a requirement for him sleeping.
Then the baby wakes up and I get up to feed him and sometimes to pump. This provides my husband and cat the opportunity to make a move. And oh, they do.
My second greatest pet peeve is husband head on my pillow because dude, heads smell. Especially heads with short hair and then I put my face on it and gaaaaaaaag.
My husband is only 5’10″ but I swear when he has the whole bed to himself, he manages to be about 7 feet tall. And who doesn’t love a little cat ass on their pillow? I mean really.
Last night, after putting the crying baby back to bed and pumping (and falling asleep pumping, and then pumping again, because my problem solving skills at night are not good), this is how I slept. And I am seriously, not even exaggerating. PLEASE NOTE THE HUSBAND ARM.
And then when the baby got up again, this is how I spent the rest of the night. Not pictured, wet cat nose, all over my face. Also, my rage.
My husband insists that this is exaggeration, but given that on multiple occasions he has awakened in the morning and excitedly proclaimed how awesome it was that the baby, who was up FOUR TIMES that night, slept through the night, he does not get a say.
I think I might get a sleep coach for my husband and cat. Or maybe I’ll just go sleep in the baby’s crib since he’s never going to.