I have always been an introvert. A homebody. I don’t thrive in huge groups, I am more of a small gathering kind of girl. It’s just my personality.
Before last summer, we lived in a city halfway between my school and my husband’s work. It was nice because it left me 30-45 minutes from my friends and my sister, 2.5 hours from my family and it left my husband 30 minutes from work and a solid hour from his family. It was a good location. But it was unreasonably expensive. And so last June we moved near his hospital and now have an apartment 1.5 times the size of our old one for 200 dollars less a month. Moving was unquestionably the right decision.
And it worked for a while. My husband had some friends I enjoyed spending time with and I was still in school or clinic on weekdays, so I was getting plenty of social time.
Then school and clinic ended. And the people my husband started his residency with finished (straight pediatrics is only 3 years) and moved away. Then we had a baby. Any of these in isolation would be fine, but the combination has been brutal.
I feel like I’m living on an island right now. I have no friends or family within even an hours drive, most are much further away. I’ve relied heavily on internet friends for support and lately those friendships have taken a hit, too. I have gotten to a point where the list of people that I feel I can go to for help, fun or support is extremely short and almost all of them are related to me.
Please understand that I feel so blessed to have the support and love of all of you who read, but there are times in the day when I want to pick up the phone and text something funny or frustrating or just have semi real human contact and that’s a different kind of support. I feel like right as I gained this beautiful baby, I lost my friends. And now is really when I could use them more than ever.
Plenty of this is my fault. Some of it was probably avoidable. But it’s done.
I’m an island, apart from all the things I once knew, feeling like a stranger in this new stage of my life. I don’t know how to fix it. We’ll be living here for 2 more years, geography is non-negotiable. I don’t know how to fix half the things that are broken with some friendships and I’m too hurt to want to fix others right now.
I’m just feeling stranded. And I’m having a hard time figuring out which way to turn and how to reconnect.