(Oh right, I have a blog. It’s not that I actually forgot about it (I know, you thought I was serious), it’s that these past two weeks have been insanely busy. Anytime the baby was napping, 90% of which is done on me, I was either cleaning or studying for my board exam. And typing one-handed, as I am now, is harder than it seems.)

I know early in pregnancy I mentioned that my headaches were better, which came as a great surprise to all of us. As the weeks ticked away, my head continued to be largely awesome. There were headaches here and there, but I didn’t miss a single day of either of my clinicals due to pain. And that was pretty impressive.

My theory was that the increase in blood volume and the increase in abdominal pressure increased the pressure in my head. Since we knew that one of my major issues was low intracranial pressure, it only followed that increasing the pressure was the answer. And the only way to know if this theory was even feasible was to see if the headaches came back after the baby arrived.

And boy have they.

I had hoped that pregnancy had permanently flipped a switch somewhere, but it hasn’t. The headaches are back and they are seriously, wildly unpleasant, especially because laying down in a dark room is not an option most days. So far, unlike the occasional headaches I had while pregnant, these don’t respond to Tylenol or anything else I’ve thrown at them. A few seemed to have been legitimate migraines, but my migraine medication is not safe while breastfeeding, so there’s no reason to really bother labeling them.

I told my husband late in pregnancy that if my headaches came back that I was going to become a Duggar because I both love kids and hate headaches. Obviously there’s no way to know if my headaches will retreat again with another pregnancy (though lending support to my argument is that my sister, who is pregnant, is also having way fewer headaches…) and we’re not really ready for another baby (though we both totally want a million more now), but the idea has been discussed. And we want more kids soon, but 2 in a year is pushing it. Or at least it is until the headaches get worse (I kid…kind of).

I don’t know what, if any, treatments can be used now considering the breast milk situation, but it is exhausting managing that kind of pain and a baby, even if he is about the most easy going baby ever. I’m feeling a little defeated because managing everything requires reserves that I’m pretty low on, but I don’t seem to have many other options. The baby needs to be cared for, the studying has to happen and there’s just not a whole lot of room for wallowing.

I’m not sure how to conclude this. I am hanging in here, I am functioning okay, but I’m disappointed. I had forgotten somewhat about this part of my life. I had forgotten what it was to be a patient and was so enjoying just being a person. It was something I was happy to forget, and a role I’m hesitant to resume. But I will do what is necessary because it’s no longer just about me, it’s about my family and for them I will find a way, but it seems that this journey is far from over.

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