Four years ago last night I was in a hotel in Brea, California with my mom and step-dad. I knew I should feel nervous and have trouble sleeping, which would’ve been normal for me, but instead I was settled. I wasn’t scared, I wasn’t worried. I was excited, but calm because I knew that what was to come the next day was exactly what I’ve always wanted.
Four years ago I donned a white dress, had my hair and makeup done and I walked through a crowd of family and friends. And I married my best friend. It was the first step to a future, a family. A life we both wanted so dearly.
I say this every year, but it remains true. These four years have seemed like a lifetime (in a good way), but have somehow also passed in the blink of an eye. I look back at pictures of that day and we look so…young. It’s only been four years, but we have done so much living in that time that I hardly recognize the kids at that wedding.
In four years we have both gotten our doctorates. You have finished 3 years of your residency. I have secured my first job in the field that I hope to be in forever. I got pregnant and we had a baby, our son. We aren’t the same two people who made those vows. We are older and wiser. And we are living up to our promises more than ever before.
We are a family.
The past year has been our best, I think. The arguments have been few and far between. The love has been bigger, stronger than ever. I feel more connected, more attached than I have ever been before. And now we have this child, this beautiful baby boy. Watching you with him each night warms my heart in ways I cannot explain. Hearing you sing to him, talk to him and just love him, unconditionally, is better than anything else I’ve ever known in my life. Your love for him enhances mine.
You are every bit the father I knew you’d be and the most amazing husband I could ever ask for. You push me when I need it and support me when the time for pushing is over. You love me through all the good and bad, through my faults and ugly moments.
I don’t know how to best tell you how much I love you and how blessed I feel to have you as my partner in life. I wouldn’t be who or where I am today without you and the idea of that is devastating. You have given me the life I’ve always dreamed about and the fact that we still have so much life left to live together makes me excited for all that is left to come.
Thank you for four incredible years, for a beautiful baby boy. For a million tomorrows and for the unconditional love that fuels my soul. I have loved every moment and cannot wait for all the rest.