I remember when some of my favorite bloggers had babies and then their blog died for a while and I really didn’t understand it. I mean, babies sleep all day, you’d think there would be time to write.

Safe to say, I understand it now. Having a baby is not a small amount of work. Case in point, I started this post at 10 this morning and am now finishing it, one-handed, with a sleeping baby on me.

Our big issue has been that Eli would not breastfeed. I wrote a post over at Babble about it that describes the situation in detail, but suffice it to say, it has been more than trying. There have been breakdowns and more tears than I care to think about over this, both from me and from him. The good news has been that with the trusty pump and bottles, he was able to regain his birthweight by the 2 week mark and we’ve only had to supplement with formula once. And then yesterday, with the help of a nipple shield, he actually breastfed at all feedings. And now my nipples hurt so badly I want to die. I suppose you really can’t always get what you want. We still have work to do on his latch and my supply, but it’s finally a start.

A lot of people are asking how the cats are adjusting and the answer is slowly. Neither of them appreciate how much noise the baby generates, but both are occasionally fascinated. Karma keeps trying to step on him when he’s sleeping on me and Shmo has taken to occasional stalking, which thankfully does not result in attacking…yet. Otherwise, the Shmo has been giving me the cold shoulder, though he will snuggle with my husband.

Parenthood is everything and nothing I imagined it to be. There is no feeling in the world like when my son settles down from being upset as soon as he enters my arms. There is also no feeling in the world like seeing that he’s in pain/discomfort and not being able to fix it. It is a mix of the highest highs and lowest lows.

I feel like it’s what I was meant to do my whole life. This baby is the greatest gift I’ve ever received.

With this gift comes fear. I have had Eli with me for 17 days and I cannot imagine my life without him anymore. I have become scared of what could happen to him, I check to make sure he’s breathing and pull his blanket away from his face 800 times a night. I would do anything for him, anything to keep him safe. Sometimes that becomes all consuming,

Parenthood has clearly changed my everything. I’m hoping that once I’ve adjusted more things can get back to usual here, including some regular posting, but in the meantime, you’ll just have to be patient. No offense, but I’m going to choose a snuggly baby over writing any day especially because the snuggles will eventually run out, but the words here won’t. I promise.

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