I’m not sure how to really capture today because it was such a weird day in general. There were parts that were totally worth celebrating because they were really good things, and then there were parts that were just completely crappy.
My school approved my clinical compromise plan of being finished 2 weeks early. Which means I have 14 more days of this clinical. My last day is April 6th. I could die of happiness over this. I’m not sure what the fine print is going to be exactly, but if I’m able to finish the next 3 weeks, I will graduate on time and I won’t have to make up any clinical time. This is really, really, really good news.
The OB appointment went well today. I’m measuring right on track and the baby appears to be doing well despite his insistence upon kicking the crap out of my ribs. My doctor was largely unconcerned about the contractions and said she’s okay with 5 contractions an hour now (up from 4 last month, woo hoo) and barring a major change in status, I should be fine to finish these last 3 weeks of my clinical (which translates to NO BED REST!). And I’m on every other week appointments now, which is just wild. She also deemed an issue I was having with my defective boob totally okay, which was a relief.
The bad parts are so much more complicated and seemingly numerous.
I spoke with my clinical instructor today about the things I need to work on in the remaining 3 weeks. We met a few weeks ago and I’ve been feeling pretty on track and by and large, I am. But she is just seriously the most nit picky person ever. I’m not sure I’ll ever be told I’m doing well because there is always some silly inconsequential thing she chooses to pick at each day. Today’s was that I followed her directions too well when dictating some patient notes and she wanted me to take more initiative. I don’t even know what she wants. If I follow her directions, I’m wrong. If I don’t, I’m wrong. The bottom line is I’m wrong and I’m starting to feel so perpetually beat down by it that it’s making me crazy.
And then I tried to take a different feedback and use it during a patient session and it didn’t work. But not because I didn’t do it right, but because she interrupted my treatment for the 800,000th time, just like she said she wouldn’t do. I happily accept feedback and I work SO hard to improve and I feel like the biggest thing standing in my way of success right now is my clinical instructor, which is so ass backwards.
I farted audibly in clinic today. Go ahead and laugh at me. I wanted to die. I couldn’t even blame it on the kid I was working with because they were just slightly too far away.
I hurt everywhere. Like literally, name a body part, it hurts.
A friend of mine, who was originally just a friend of my sister’s, but who I now consider a friend myself, found out this weekend that her husband has a brain tumor. She spent today waiting in a waiting room while neurosurgeons removed it. They don’t know much yet except that it is a primary tumor (it didn’t metastasize from anywhere), which is great, but the whole thing just plain sucks. They have already managed more than their fair share of life hurdles in the past few years and they are just good people. She’s also a reader here, so if you have some spare thoughts and prayers, I know she’d appreciate them.
Yes, I did put farting and a brain tumor in the same category. I told you I was having a hard time capturing today properly. It’s been a weird day. And I’m ready for it to be over now.