Malnourishment of the Soul
I’ve been trying to pinpoint the void I’ve been feeling. It’s not a new one, it’s been there a while. It’s just grown bigger lately and is getting more difficult to ignore.
I feel malnourished in a figurative sense. And I think I’ve finally figured out what’s missing.
I’m not an overly religious person. I have previously been a frequent church/temple goer, but the times I have missed a service here or there have never been the end of the world. Last year at New Year’s I told my husband that I wanted to resolve to go to temple more often because after moving back to California we just never settled back into the routine we had been so fond of in New Orleans. Since that day we have gone to temple exactly 1 time and it was to our old temple in New Orleans.
We haven’t gone for a number of reasons. Laziness, busy schedules, not having a temple we like and being afraid to try a new one. Regardless of cause, we just haven’t gone. And I think it is what I am missing in my life right now.
I have faith. I am sure of what I believe, I am confident, but I miss many parts of being active in my religion. I miss walking out each week with a message to guide me. I miss a sense of community that is involved in Temple. I miss the prayers, I miss the way that I feel like I can breathe there because I am where my soul needs to be.
I miss that. That is the void.
We have found a new temple to try. It’s about 30 minutes away, which is the same distance as the one we’ve gone to in the past. It promises to be as open minded as we like our religion, but also savoring the traditions that are important to us. I have no way of knowing if we’re going to like it. But we’re going to try.
I will not promise that we’re going to make it tomorrow night. Thankfully the service is late (8pm) so we should both be out of work, but there are a lot of unknowns in life right now, so it may not be this week or next. But we will find our way back soon. I want to be active in my faith again. To feel less small and more supported. To feel like I have purpose back in my life.
I know many of you don’t understand this and that’s okay, I sometimes find religion exhausting myself. But when I’m in the right place, I find it nourishing in ways I cannot describe. And I am looking forward to that fulfillment in my life again. It’s been too long.
4 Responses to “Malnourishment of the Soul”
Leave a Reply
Welcome! I'm Katie, a 28 year old, full-time graduate student who just happened to have brain surgery in November of 2007 to give my ginormous brain a little more space. This blog chronicles my daily life, from relentless headaches to being a doctor's wife. Sit down, get comfortable and stay for a while.
I know exactly how you feel! Bringing new life into the world makes you start to question a lot of things about your own life and the way you’re living it. I hope you can find a Temple (and a supportive community therein) where you feel comfortable and loved. I wish you all the peace and happiness in the world on your journey
[Reply]
I tend to feel that void acutely around the high holidays. My husband and I have been unaffiliated since we met, and I miss the sense of community and celebration of the other holidays, not to mention the melodies. Temple is the one place I feel comfortable singing aloud. With the arrival of our babies last month. We set out to find a congregation we liked, hoch is no small feat. But we found one. I hope you do, too, and that you ind what you feel you’ve been missing,
[Reply]
I agree with you, when you find the right place it will feel your soul and fill your heart with a happiness that you can’t find any where else. Good luck with the new temple, let me know how it goes.
[Reply]
Ahh, best wishes in your temple/community search. Although I guess it’s the sense of holiness more than the sense of community? Regardless, wishing you well, for sure.
[Reply]