Tomorrow morning is the first day of my final clinical. I believe this is my very last first in graduate school and it’s one that I am a bit apprehensive about. I wrote about it over at Babble, but this clinical is a little different because instead of being in a clinic or treating in a rehab center, I’m working in a hospital. In a NICU.
Technically I’m only in the NICU on Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays, while Mondays and Fridays I’m working in an outpatient pediatric clinic, but the bulk of the time, especially with holidays, will be in the NICU. I am legitimately nervous about this.
One part of my nervousness just comes from the delicacy of the patients. I have done some very limited work in a PICU, but I’ve never worked with anyone as medically fragile as these babies will be. And it’s kind of alarming to realize that any mistakes could be not just unpleasant but life threatening. Now, most likely I won’t really get to do a lot of hands on stuff, at least not without extremely close supervision, but that doesn’t make it any less frightening.
The other part is obviously the total mental mindfuck that is being pregnant in a NICU. So far I’m feeling relatively okay about it, but only time will really tell with this one.
And more than anything else, I’m sad to be finished with vacation. I really, really love vacation and this was the last one I’ll ever really get. I mean, the last child free, relatively care free vacation of my life. Or at least for like 20 years. That is a long time from now, in case you’re not big on math.
I had planned a quiet day today to get all the last minute things ready for tomorrow, which meant that absolutely nothing went according to plan and today was the exactly opposite of relaxing. Maybe in the end that’s a good thing since it means I haven’t had time to worry too much or to get too bogged down thinking about anything. I’ve had to focus on other stuff like my nieces, my cat being a tremendous asshole and putting together a crib. But now I’ve got 2 hours before bed and I’m starting to feel unsettled.
There is a small part of me that is excited, it’s a new experience and it may be something that I want to do for the rest of my life. The prospect of that is exciting and scary. And even if it’s not something I want to do forever, in 16 weeks it’s over, and I’ll be ready to graduate.
It’s 16 weeks, 79 days. I firmly believe that I can do anything for 79 days. So we may as well get this show on the road.