Nourished

I have sat down several times in the past few weeks to write here, and I have hesitated and left with the screen completely blank. It’s not that I don’t have anything to tell you, it’s that I feel like it’s not interesting enough. Like writing here and telling you that things aren’t wrong, that in fact, everything is so very right, is not what people come to read.

I am happy. Indescribably happy. Possibly as happy as I have ever been in my life.

Yes, each morning I fight with nausea that can only be controlled with medication, even now at almost 22 weeks of pregnancy. Yes, I have headaches every day, some of which slow me down considerably, all of which are really unpleasant. My physical state is perhaps not perfect and it never will be, but my emotional and mental states are so entirely over-filled with happiness that the rest seems to melt away.

I feel whole, like I am in exactly the place I am meant to be in my life. I feel like my marriage is in such a wonderful place, like the family we are building is exactly as I always dreamed it would be. I have wanted to be a mother for so long, and for this dream to finally come true is overwhelming and a little surreal. I didn’t know that I would be able to have a child, I didn’t know how my body would react. And that I can sit here at nearly 22 weeks and tell you how wonderful everything is, feels like too much. Too much good.

Feeling the baby kick each night before bed has become one of my greatest joys in life. I’m growing a child, a beautiful little boy and this fact never fails to completely boggle my mind. We made this baby, And each time he kicks is a reminder of the partnership we have. We are connected, not just he and I, but my husband too. Connected in this intimate way that no one else can understand. Yes, you can feel and sometimes even see the baby kick from the outside now, but what I feel, the connection I have with my child is so much more.

I’ve come to realize that he nourishes me every bit as much as I nourish him.

I know that in four short months, my life is going to change forever. But I also know that in the past 6 months, it already has. I will never again be the person I was before August, before this baby. He has changed me, changed the course of my life in every way possible.

And for him, for the family that my husband and I are building each day, I am grateful. I am happy.

13 Responses to “Nourished”

  • <3 Love, love, love reading this.

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  • Jean D:

    So very happy for you. It’s a joy to hear about your contentment and peace. Enjoy.

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  • This made me tear up. *sniff* I feel so very much the same way. People warned me not to get pregnant, warned me it would change my life…and it absolutely has. For the better. I love being pregnant and I can’t wait to meet my baby! Congratulations to you!!

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  • Awesome! Family building. What a great thing.

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  • Sue G:

    And I couldn’t be happier for you…even if I tried! :-)

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  • you just made my heart smile..;jj

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  • mommabird2345:

    I’m so happy for you!! Having a baby, especially your first, is such a wonderful blessing.

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  • Tracy:

    I am very glad you shared this. This was very beautiful to read. So excited for you, your husband and your son!

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  • Jamie:

    You are completely crazy to think we wouldn’t want to hear how great things are. *speaking for EVERYONE now ;) We have read about your struggles and we’ve read about you overcoming many things – we WANT to hear how great it is. We want to know that the last few years have concluded in happiness and contentment.

    I am so, so, so very happy for you, Katie – for everything. I am doubly happy that your family has the ability to overflow you with so much love and happiness that the things that are uncomfortable are on the back burner and no longer occupy your mind.

    Wonderful, happy things will continue to come your way.

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  • It makes my heart happy to read that’s you’re so happy. I can’t wait to see pictures of this little boy!

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  • Editdebs:

    Believe me, we come here to hear the joyful and happy. At least I do, and it seems the other commenters also. I remember the pregnant time so well, even though it was almost 17 years ago. Reading your post brings it back: the joy, the happiness, the connection. It was such a lovely time in my life; I’m glad it’s a joyful time for you too.

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  • So happy for you!

    XOXO

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  • It’s so good…that happiness.
    I’m glad you’re writing about it. I have a little of the same thing going on. I’m just ridiculously happy right now but I feel like an asshole writing about it…like, somehow everyone just wants to read the crazy or funny. But, I think people really DO like to read the happy. I know I like reading about yours!

    :)

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Welcome!
I'm Katie, a 30-year-old, wife, mom, former teacher-turned PT, who also had brain surgery in November of 2007. This blog chronicles my daily life, from mundane to crazy, often with far too much detail. Sit down, get comfortable and stay for a while.
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