Pride Goeth Before the (Grade) Fall

I had a midterm last week. I didn’t give it a whole lot of time because it was open book, open note, open internet. I mean, how does one prepare for that kind of test? That’s right, they don’t. And a few days before the exam I realized that I had never actually turned in my student disability accommodations for extra time on the test. And then I made a really stupid decision.

I never turned them in.

I’m not sure what possessed me to not do it, but I decided I could do the test in the allotted time like everyone else. Even though I had a feeling I couldn’t. Pride is a funny thing. It’s also a bastard sometimes.

The test went poorly. Which is frustrating since I’ve been doing really well in the class discussions (it’s Differential Diagnosis) and assignments. I could tell when my teacher handed me my test back today and realized that the score I got belonged to my ID number that she was surprised. It was bad. I did really quite badly.

It wasn’t because I wasn’t prepared. It wasn’t because I didn’t understand the directions. It was because I didn’t have the time to think through it well enough. It was because my brain was moving too slowly that morning and I could not get done what I needed to. When the teacher called time I had managed to get each box filled, but not well, not nearly as well as I could’ve if I’d had even just 10 more minutes, not even the full extra 60 I’m allowed.

And I just cannot stop kicking myself.

What was I thinking?

Why didn’t I just hand over the paper and take the test the way I’m allowed?

Now I have the final exam for this test on Thursday and it’s going to be a fight to get even close to the grade I want, to the grade that I truly think I deserve based on the work I’ve done and my participation in the class. I have worked so hard and this exam and the score don’t even begin to convey that. It’s one of the worst grades I’ve ever gotten, especially in a class I feel that I understand as well as this one.

And worst of all, two of the instructors of the class are ones who know me fairly well and I feel almost embarrassed. I feel like I let them down, like I look like an idiot. I know I can do better, I know I should do better. I emailed one of them to ask if I could still arrange to get extra time for the final, even though it’s in 3 days and I’m waiting to hear back. I know that there’s a good possibility that the answer will be no and there’s nothing I can do about that. I’ll just have to do the best I can and hope that it’s enough.

And I’ll have to remember this lesson. Remember that it’s okay to accept help, that it’s okay to need it sometimes. And it’s okay to admit that to others too.

5 Responses to “Pride Goeth Before the (Grade) Fall”

  • Lynda M O:

    Listening and sending energy for making good decisions.

    [Reply]

  • Beth:

    Presumably, this is ADA paperwork. If it is, turn that paperwork in immediately. Once the paper is in their hands, they have to accommodate you. They can’t retroactively accommodate, but for the final,they do have to. But you have to formally submit the paperwork.

    [Reply]

  • elinor:

    I have done that exact same thing. Except, in my case, it was because I knew the prof and did not want him to know about my dyslexia. Same outcome too. It sucks, but I know that you will—in the totality of you program–still shine. So forgive yourself. Learn the lesson.
    Good Luck!

    [Reply]

  • You know what I love about your blog? You know what keeps me coming back time after time? You are so damned honest. You are…so REAL. Not that this comment helps you any (sorry, wish I could turn back time and help you out) but I just wanted to say thanks. You make me feel human :-)

    [Reply]

    Katie Reply:

    Thanks @Kathy. I think calling me real is a much nicer way of saying what I think I am: an over-sharer.

    Thank YOU for the compliment. :)

    [Reply]

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Welcome!
I'm Katie, a 30-year-old, wife, mom, former teacher-turned PT, who also had brain surgery in November of 2007. This blog chronicles my daily life, from mundane to crazy, often with far too much detail. Sit down, get comfortable and stay for a while.
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