Once and for all

I don’t really like to write antagonistic blog posts. I don’t like moderating comments or dealing with strongly held beliefs. But this blog post needs to be written. It needs to be said. I can’t stay quiet anymore.


That’s what we’re talking about. Because I read a blog post last week that pissed me off. I am sure that the woman who wrote it is a nice person, I’m sure that she believes that she is right. I know she believes that the bible backs her up, that all of us, including her children, will be better off if we stop homosexuality in its tracks.

And I respectfully disagree. And I want to tell you why her arguments and others I’ve heard don’t work for me.

Argument 1: The Bible

Please, for the love of God, stop using the bible to defend homophobia and hatred. Stop using God and Jesus as your reason to hate your neighbor, to deprive them of your support, to deprive them of the same rights and privileges that you enjoy each day.

Yes, there are bible verses that speak of homosexuality.

“…Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexual offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.” 1 Corinthians 9-10

“If a man lies with a man as one lies with a woman, both of them have done what is detestable. They must be put to death; their blood will be on their own heads.” Leviticus 20:13

But wait, that first one says that adulterers are equally evil? So then, if we’re using the bible literally, if we are taking it on it’s word and putting each verse into law, shouldn’t we disallow marriage between adulterers? And between alcoholics, thieves, and those who have been sexually promiscuous? I find it very odd how the rules in the bible only seems to apply to gays.

The bible also says that you shouldn’t eat or touch pork products, that you shouldn’t eat shrimp, and that if you curse your mother or father you should be put to death. It also clearly says you should love your neighbor as yourself.

Your bible is not a cafeteria, you cannot choose the parts you want to follow, ignore the rest and stand on high moral ground. Either stand behind it’s words and ideals or don’t. But only standing behinds the parts that fit your needs, your agenda, is not good enough.

Argument 2: “The Sanctity of Marriage”

I’ll be honest. Even typing the word sanctity with marriage made me laugh. In 2008, statistics indicated that 40% of marriages had ended in divorce. FORTY PERCENT. Another study in the United Kingdom showed that 27% of divorces were from adultery, 17% from abuse and 6% from addiction.

Can someone please show me how marriage is sacred? Because the institution that you’re talking about doesn’t exist. And letting gay couples marry isn’t going to change this imaginary construct you have. It isn’t going to destroy marriage, it isn’t going to devalue yours. My marriage has absolutely no impact on yours and yours has none on mine. But then again, maybe gay marriage has some sort of super power that I’m not aware of.

Argument 3: Homosexuality is a choice

It’s funny how the only people who believe that homosexuality is a choice are heterosexuals. I don’t know about you, but I never made a choice to like men. I just always liked them.

And while I firmly believe that it’s not a choice, the bottom line is that it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if it’s a choice or if you were born that way, or if it’s a mutation from radioactive spill. It. doesn’t. matter. Because homosexuals are citizens, just like you and me. They pay taxes, they vote. They aren’t criminals, they aren’t any less than anyone else and there’s no reason you can deprive them of the same rights you have. That is criminal.

Argument 4: It’s a slippery slope

This is my favorite. People who believe that if we legalize homosexual marriage that we will then have to let people marry horses or inanimate objects. Exactly how many people do you think want to marry animals? Because I’m almost 100% positive that it’s not as many people as you imagine. No one is going to force you to marry a horse, and seeing as how horses aren’t citizens, I think you can safely set this concern aside.

Argument 5: But what about my children!

I had a teacher in high school who was a devout Christian. I had another who was a Jew. I had an athiest for one class and I’m sure a handful of agnostics for others. Funny story, I didn’t switch religions because of their religion. It didn’t make me change my beliefs or morals. The only thing that did change was my knowledge in english, math, social studies and science.

Homosexuals are no different. They’re not there to teach your children about their sexuality, or about their religious convictions, or any other agenda people seem to think they have. And moreover, knowing you child’s teacher’s sexual orientation is none of your business.

I could literally go on and on forever. I mean, I pretty much have. There are so many arguments against letting gays marry, there are so many excuses to hate people who are different. But when you dig deep enough, when you really look at all of this, it doesn’t add up. It’s not about religion. It’s not about the sanctity of marriage. It’s not about the root of homosexuality or your children. It’s about change.

Change is scary.

90 years ago, the idea of letting women vote terrified men across this country.

50 years ago, the idea of letting interracial couples marry was threatening to many throughout the US.

Change is always met with resistance.

But it never needs to be met with hatred.

46 Responses to “Once and for all”

  • Throughout history, so many horrible things have been done in the name of God. It’s sad how many people will use the Bible as a shield, justification and a tool to try and shame other people but completely ignore the priests who abuse their positions within their communities and can’t seem to keep their hands off the altar boys.


    Julia Reply:

    @Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy,

    Yes, this! 100% agree.


  • Woot! Whistle! Applause!

    Gay is ok.


  • You KNOW I’m giving this the big HUZZZZAAAHHHH!!!!

    Gay is OK.


  • Hatred and ignorance are horrible traits, but judging others is the most sickening of all.


  • Indeed, my friend. Indeed.

    Gay is OK!


  • Tracy:

    This is my first time reading your blog. It won’t be my last. AWESOME post!


  • Meghan:

    I just wanted to say– I am a new reader as of a few weeks ago, and I loved this post. Fantastic.


  • standing o-fucking-vation.


  • Beth:

    Go, you!

    You’ve hit all of the buttons and shown what utter bunk they are.


  • Quart:

    Hooray!!! You are fantastic.


  • Wonderful post. Thank you so much for writing it.


  • Becs:

    Great post Katie! I, as you know, am a hardcore conservative but have never had any issues with letting homosexuals marry. I don’t really get any of the arguments about making gay marriage illegal.


  • Another awesome post. I’m right there with you.


  • Wow. Bookmarked. I wish this were required reading.


  • God, you are awesome…and according to some, I am probably going to hell now for saying that! Check out this awesome video… http://fckh8.com/ Warning : F Bomb is dropped a lot!!!


  • Mary M:

    Go you!! That was wonderfully stated.


  • Katie,
    Well said! Love for all!


  • I’m gay for this post.


  • Despite probably being one of the most conservative persons that regularly follow your blog, I’m in agreement with you. Mostly because of the choice thing. I believe the die is cast long before sexual awareness awakens. But also because of the fact that it doesn’t say “except for gays” anywhere in the Constitution. There is no shame in being a hard core hetero conservative who believes in equal protection under the law. My only caveat would be that no matter who is putting what, wherever, in somebody else, it should meet normal standards of decency. Paladino in New York is getting excoriated for his comments, but the truth is he is right. Google “Folsom Street Fair” and tell me if that’s an environment for kids. NOT! Katie, I’m glad you have opinions and articulate them so well. Thanks.


  • Amen! Being gay is not a choice. How many gay people do you know who woke up one morning and said to themselves, “Gee. I think I’ll start be attracted to people of my own sex today. You know, just to make it a harder on myself. I enjoy being bullied and mocked.” It doesn’t freaking happen.

    (But I do remember reading an article somewhere about how a man in the Middle East married his goat. He apparently thought she was too, ahem, irresistable, and his tribal elders caught them together in the throes of… passion. Hehe!)


  • Jen:

    Well said! The saddest part, in my opinion, is when people think they need to conform at the expense of their own identity. Can you imagine shielding who you really are from your friends, your family – even the person you’ve chosen to spend your life with!? I only pray that we WILL reach that point in society when the judgment comes to an end and we can all be proud of the person we really are!


  • Excellent post! Well said! =)


  • I could not agree more. And everything you said is EXACTLY what I believe and say all the time to others. Denying another HUMAN rights just because a few people feel it is wrong is WRONG!!!!! When it comes down to it, we are all human and we all die, so what makes those few people special and God-like enough to deny another person who is no better or worse then them their rights (to be happy) is HORRIBLE! I am not gay, but gay rights has always been something I feel very strongly about!!! It is ridiculous how we treat people in this country!


  • “It also clearly says you should love your neighbor as yourself.”

    You couldn’t have said it any better, Katie. This is the biggest thing “Christians” forget!!! I used to be very consertative, went to church every day I could, never cursed, etc etc when I was in high school. After years of being that way and seeing how people who are different were treated in my church and shunned because of being gay or whatever else…it broke my heart. I knew it was wrong how these people were treated and I felt so badly because these people were not any better than me!!!! “Christians” say yes, I love everyone and then turn around and make people feel terrible about themselves because they’re different than they’re cookie cutter image of a Christian.

    AHHHHH!!!! It just makes me want to scream!!!!!


  • Katie – good for you for being respectful. Because this is one argument I just can’t even be respectful about. I think people who oppose gay marriage and are homophobic are ignorant and repulsive.

    Monday afternoon I watched a cute lesbian couple take a picture with their 8 month old baby at the NOH8 photoshoot in Chicago. How could anyone look that couple straight in the face and tell them that what they have is WRONG? That the love they have for that beautiful baby is against GOD? It certainly isn’t against any God I was ever taught about in my 20 years of Catholic schooling.

    I’ve blogged about the topic extensively. As I’ve said over and over… I totally understand why people feel the way they feel about hot button issues like the death penalty, or abortion. I am pro death penalty, but I UNDERSTAND why people are against it. I’m not even sure my feelings on abortion anymore, but I UNDERSTAND why people feel strongly one way or the other. But Gay Marriage? WHO THE HELL CARES?! How is your life affected one tiny bit by two men or two women getting married? IT ISN’T! I just CAN NOT UNDERSTAND why people are so adamently against it.

    Ugh. I could go on and on about this. People are ignorant fools, bottom line.


  • Jeannie D:

    Please don’t apologize for sharing your thoughts, feelings and beliefs. It’s your blog and it’s refreshing to know how you really feel. If it wasn’t, why blog at all? I even agree, but that’s beside the point. ;p


  • Couldn’t say better. To me, homophobics are like racists, and nowhere near “good Christians”. Also, I would like to know who said “my freedom ends where my neighbor’s begins”, a wonderful sentence I learned at school ages ago and never forgot.


  • Melissa:

    Thanks for posting. I couldn’t agree more.


  • Erin:

    Well said. Happy you posted this. You hit on everything. I wanted to include that the catechism of the Catholic Church- which by nature and history is the MOST conservative- says this about homosexuality:

    2358 The number of men and women who have deep-seated homosexual tendencies is not negligible. They do not choose their homosexual condition; for most of them it is a trial. They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity. Every sign of unjust discrimination in their regard should be avoided. These persons are called to fulfill God’s will in their lives and, if they are Christians, to unite to the sacrifice of the Lord’s Cross the difficulties they may encounter from their condition.


    Erin Reply:

    @Erin, PS- “condition” may not be the best choice of words, but the point is that the RULE BOOK of Catholicism even says that “unjust discrimination should be avoided”.


  • LOVED THIS POST! I forced myself to write something similar after the California ruling, but you did a much better job! And even my conservative parents said I was on to something. Coincidently a few weeks later my 18 year old cousin came out to the family & everyone has been respectful of her news thus far! I believe we are making progress, slowly but surely.


  • Please read my whole reply before your head blows off from steam build-up!

    I do believe that for “some” people being gay IS a choice.

    I have a friend that “used to be” gay. She dated men exclusively. Then she starting falling for women. She was in a LTR with a woman (in love, living together, living and planning a life together, etc…) and identified as gay. Now she’s married, to a man, and identifies as “heterosexual”. She feels/believes that she was gay during a period in her life and now she is heterosexual. She wasn’t “healed” of being gay because there is nothing to be healed from, she just went through changes in her sexuality.

    I think that there are in fact people whose sexuality is not as definitive as we might be comfortable with. At certain points in their lives people can be heterosexual or homosexual (as defined by society, that demands a box, as it pertains to what gender they are and what gender the person they are dating/married to/attracted to at the moment).

    It does NOT matter if it’s a choice or not. People that are gay, straight, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, are all just people. We ALL deserve the same rights and respect.


    Katie Reply:

    @GreenInOC, I don’t necessarily disagree with you. And even if I did, I promise my head wouldn’t blow off from steam build up. Thanks for another view on the issue.


  • I seriously love you! This is exactly what the morality police need to see. :)


  • A-freakin-men. I 1000% agree with you.


  • […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Angie, Allie D. Allie D said: http://overflowingbrain.com/2010/10/13/once-and-for-all/ Such a good post. […]

  • Jess:

    Well said indeed!


  • Can I repost this on my Facebook….I have some CRAZY relatives that NEED to read this shit….because they suck and think homo’s and the alike are going to hell!!!


  • Excellent post. Agree completely!


  • I am new to your blog and I was looking at posts and I found this one. I haven’t even read everything else and you have a new reader. Just today, I’ve been writing my own blog post about this and how terrible people are being, and it’s even more upsetting that they do it in the name of Jesus and Christianity. I am a Christian and calling someone derogatory names and being happy about soldiers dying not what being a true Christian is about. I just watched a documentary about the Westboro Baptist Church and it made my blood boil.

    Thank you for no longer staying silent. I’m not a typically outspoken person, but this problem is reaching new heights and I don’t think we can sit by silently anymore.


  • […] from the Overflowing Brain, wrote an awesome blog post about this topic, and she wrote it better than I can, so might as well get to read her words. I just came across her […]

  • Love your “the Bible is not a cafeteria to pick & choose from” statement!!!
    The only thing that worries me are the marriage statistics–40% ending in divorce etc. I have so many gay & lesbian friends who have been in long committed relationships, I’d hate to see that tarnished by whatever is happening to marriages! 😉
    Other than that, anyone who wants to “risk” that 40% should have that right: because that still means that 60% of marriages make it!


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I'm Katie, a 30-year-old, wife, mom, former teacher-turned PT, who also had brain surgery in November of 2007. This blog chronicles my daily life, from mundane to crazy, often with far too much detail. Sit down, get comfortable and stay for a while.
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