The first real day of our vacation began with me peeling an eye open and realizing that I had slept until 10 in the morning. Internet, this has pretty much never happened. It has especially not happened since the purchase of my cat who believes that 4 in the morning is when he should be fed, no matter which day of the week. And he likes to make his point by walking across our faces, biting our toes, standing on the desktop computer so it makes incessant beeping, and his personal favorite, mounting Karma (the other cat). So yea, mornings start early.

Reason 1 why I love me some vacation.

We got dressed and decided to see about booking some activities and found a place that seemed like a travel agency type joint in the village. We stopped and grabbed Starbucks (yep, even in Canada, and yea, we were really all about the culture here…) and then headed in to book some activities.

The lady was super happy to help us and then she was all, oh and if you go to this little open house right by your hotel we’ll give you 10% off all your activities AND a pre-paid Visa card for $100. And we were like, dude, we’ll go to your timeshare talk for that, we practically make a living off of listening to people talk at us.

So she went on to ask about our ages, which, yea, we were under 30, but we were close enough. And our income. Unfortunately, we are no where near the elusive $100,000 income mark needed. So ironically, because we make less than 100 grand a year, we can’t get a discount. I’d like to add this company to United Airlines on the list of companies who are doing. it. wrong.

Anyways, we booked a few things, one for that day and one for the next and set out to explore more. Which is a fancy way of saying, getting horribly lost in a really cute village area before settling down at a pub with fish and chips and pomegranate cider. Which, HELLO, is delicious and alcoholy. Drunk at 1 in the afternoon on vacation. We are representing our country SO WELL.

A few hours and a nap later (what? it’s vacation), we boarded a shuttle for zip lining. Now, here’s the thing. I really am scared of heights. Truly. And I’m more scared of slamming into things at high speeds. And Slappy was all, don’t worry, you slow down at the end and blah blah blah your neck is going to be fine.

And I believed him.

So we get to the zip lining facility and they start to show us how to ride and then how to land. And I hear Slappy say “uh oh” under his breath. Uh freaking oh. Because on these zip lines? You basically slam into a spring-loaded bag at the end. Awesome.

And the instructors were all, don’t hold on the whole time and I was like, oh, that sounds like a great idea. Let me slide down a rope with a 200 METER (which is like 8000 feet) drop and hold onto nothing. That is a FANTASTIC idea. Maybe you’d also like me to go swim with a bunch of hungry sharks? And then they were all, oh, yea and you’re kind of light, so there’s a pretty good chance you’ll get stuck in the middle of this line.

And then I died.

But in the end, it was very cool, the view was really nice and so far my neck is still attached to my head. I didn’t take any pictures (though we have one that I’ll scan later), but basically all you need to do is picture me, flying through the air, looking alarmingly like I might crap my pants.

And then I got a bug bite on my boob.

I’m just gonna say, it’s a really good thing Canada is so freaking beautiful. Because it is wreaking some serious havoc on my body and maybe a teeny tiny bit on my mind.

(Also, before someone gets bitchy, I am seriously loving it up here. It is gorgeous and lovely and aside from one thing which I’ll tell you about in a few days, it has been pure awesome. So just enjoy the humor and realize that for every humorous tale there are 10 much less interesting but completely wonderful ones.)

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