So, I’m going on vacation next week. In fact, I’m leaving in 3 days. Which reminds me, I probably should unpack from the last trip and maybe get a rental car to get us the 120 miles from airport to hotel. Whatever.

And because I know my naysayers (read: trolls (read: assbags)), I know that soon there will be (more) comments about how I shouldn’t be going on vacation because I have a headache. I already got one this past weekend for going and well, I think this needs to be addressed.

I have a headache.

I don’t have a bleeding wound. I don’t have a blood clot threatening to jump into my lungs and kill me. I don’t have severely clogged arteries or all the risk factors for a stroke or massive heart attack. I don’t have a bleeding ulcer or a raging case of sepsis.

I have a headache. I have it every day no matter what.

And there is no reason that I shouldn’t, no reason that I don’t freaking deserve to go on vacation.

I literally haven’t gone on a real vacation, one that is longer than a weekend, one with my husband, in 2 years. I have just survived what is undoubtedly the longest and toughest years of my life. I will have just finished my first clinical rotation.

I need a vacation.

And sure, vacation often makes my head hurt worse. But so does standing up. So does walking. So does BEING CONSCIOUS.

The idea that because I am in pain I shouldn’t take a vacation, or shouldn’t relax, or should give up on fun things in life is absolutely batshit crazy.

I don’t know if my head will get better, or God forbid worse. I have a week off before school starts again and I am going to enjoy that time. I’m going to (GULP) zip line over the mountains in Canada. I’m going to hike and walk and enjoy the great outdoors. I’m going to snuggle with my husband and sleep in and lay by a pool. I’m going to (hopefully) visit with friends who live nearby-ish.

I went to New York this weekend to visit with my friends. And by and large, I managed. The headache was mild Friday and Saturday and then as a result, I hardly slept Saturday night because of the severity of the pain. And was downright miserable all of Sunday. But, I survived. And to me, it was worth it. And that’s something that only I get to judge.

I realize that I am provoking pain when I do some things. I know that sometimes I make bad choices. I get that not everyone understands why I continue to try things that might make my pain worse, on the outside, it seems crazy. But doesn’t it seem more crazy to not live life in fear of more pain? Doesn’t it seem worse to never enjoy each day because you’re afraid that it’ll make the next one tougher?

So you’ll just have to trust me. You’ll have to understand that I make calculated decisions, ones that often bite me in the ass, but also ones for which I don’t need you to admonish me.

My head does that without any help from trolls or assbags.

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