Tomorrow is Independence Day. It’s a time for us to celebrate our country’s freedom from all other countries, from all other nations that once held us captive.

Independence is something that we fight for throughout our lives. As children, we throw fits because we just want to learn to do things ourselves. As teenagers, we get angry because we want our parents to give us more room to try things, to grow, to change. As adults, we strike a delicate balance between being a part of a family and being ourselves. And as we age, we start to see our independence slip, and our lives return to a state of dependence we haven’t dealt with in decades.

The fight for independence, the fight against dependence, is one that comes full circle. No matter what we do or how hard we fight, at some point, like when we were children, we will need the help of others. We can’t always do it all ourselves.

In the last 11 months, independence is something I’ve fought for more than anything else. There were times in those months where I needed my husband, where I relied on my mom in a way that felt so much like my childhood. There were times when I absolutely required the assistance of friends, when I could not succeed without my classmates. There were times when I needed help, help that I didn’t want, help that directly challenged the independence I was fighting for.

I want to say that I’m going to stop fighting it, that I’m going to accept that I need help and suddenly not hate asking for it, but that’s not me. That’s not my style.

Getting help isn’t a bad thing. Knowing you need it is probably a sign that you’re a hell of a lot more self-aware than I am. But I think that when you give up on having independence, just like when you give up on anything you’ve passionately fought for, you lose more than just that thing. You lose hope, you lose your fight and your fervor, you lose your reason to push on, at least in some ways.

For me, that thing is independence, it always will be. I know I can’t fight pain, it’s completely outside my area of control. I know I can’t fight school, I can’t fight things that I’m not in charge of. But I’ll fight to my final breath to stay in charge of my body, of my decisions, of my life. I’ll fight as long as I can to do things on my own, to succeed of my own volition.

Tomorrow is Independence Day, but if we’re being honest, every day of my life right now is really an independence day. It’s a day where I can celebrate that I haven’t given up this fight, that I haven’t lost yet. Because other people have lost this fight, other people I know aren’t able to live a life I am blessed to have.

I know that there will come a time again, maybe just for a while, maybe forever, where I can’t do things my way. Where I can’t succeed without others. Where asking for help won’t be a rarity, but rather a routine.

But until then, I’ll fight. Because I have to.

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