Slappy and I got our first cat, Karma, in 2005. She was a teeny tiny kitten, and sweet as she could be. I loved her almost a ridiculous amount. Which is why it makes perfect sense that she’s mean and hates me. She’s possibly the grouchiest cat you’ll ever meet.

And from the day she became such a moody jerk, I begged Slappy to let me get a second cat. Because Karma? Loves Slappy. So I needed my own cat. And he said that when we moved, we could get a new one. So true to his word, about 10 minutes after we finished moving, we got a kitten. Jacques-Imo.

The transition with Karma was…loud. And stressful. Because the kitten so badly wanted to be Karma’s best friend, and Karma wanted to kill it when it slept.

Which was often, in case you wondered…

Thankfully, things have settled between the two of them. Because frankly, the kitten, who is really a cat now, is more than enough work. Never have I encountered a more mischievous animal in my life.

For example, easily half of the corners of carpet in our house have been torn up and shredded. Did you hear that? That was the sound of our deposit check being cashed. Or how he runs around the house at lightning speed knocking any foods or beverages that might be on a table top onto the ground. He’s especially gifted at knocking over the dark colored ones.

My personal favorite was the pomegranate juice. Do you know what gets pomegranate juice out of light colored carpet? NOTHING. Nothing gets it out.

He’s also food obsessed. He’ll eat any and everything, whether you offer it or not. He has stolen pears, chips, crackers, entire strips of chicken, tomatoes (which are horrible for cats, I KNOW), cookies (sugar and chocolate chip) and basically every food except the one thing the vet told me to give him for an upset stomach (likely related to one of the cookie incidents), pumpkin. Of course.

(This was from when he stuck his whole head in an open box of Ritz Crackers and ran away with one.)

But mostly, he’s become the most loving cat ever. He snuggles and cuddles and purs, and unlike the other cat, doesn’t stand on you, commanding attention but then biting the ever living shit out of you when you give it.

And if you need proof that he’s really my cat, look no further. He’s already excellent at twitter.

Though he struggles with the character count. But then again, don’t we all?

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