After 5 days filled to the brim with stress, papers, powerpoints, word documents and mostly hours and hours of exams, the week my classmates have nicknamed “hell week” is officially over. I completed 6 exams in those 5 days, and only had to push one back to the end of the semester because it was a practical exam that would require lifting more than 5 pounds.

In case you wondered, EVERYTHING weighs more than 5 pounds.

Last night was probably the most stressfull of nights because to really finish off hell week with a bang, the two biggest exams were today, one at 8:30 and one at 2.

The afternoon exam was one that all the second and third year students had warned us we would fail and when it came down to prioritizing to study Thursday, that second exam? Well, it fell low on the list. Just every so slightly below getting sleep. And the almost 4 hours I got were pretty glorious.

The morning exam didn’t go perfectly, but it went MUCH better than any of us anticipated.

The afternoon one? Um. No.

The only way I can describe that exam and frankly this day and week is as a giant shit show. I sat down to take the exam, knowing full well that I was unprepared, but not yet aware of the magnitude of the situation. Ignorance, it was bliss.

The exam was supposed to take 2 hours, though I get time and a half for my slow processing brain, so I wasn’t sure how long it would take. After flipping through the test once, I realized that it wouldn’t take much time at all. In case you didn’t know, it doesn’t take long to play eeny-meeny-miney-mo on multiple choice questions that may as well be written in a completely different language. At some point I should probably learn what pleiotrophism is, since it was a choice for almost every question.

I finished in 45 minutes, not just feeling like I hadn’t done well, but rather knowing that I have failed it. I know that I have cried wolf enough times that none of you really believe me when I saw that I failed, but I can assure you that without a curve, I did not pass that test. I did know even a single answer.

It was my fault, I could’ve studied more. But I reached a point and I made a choice. 6 exams in 5 days is hard, especially with classes in between tests and a 6 month old especially ugly headache. Now I have to wait and see if all my classmates did as poorly as they said and what the curve looks like.

But the reason I’m blogging about it at at all is because even though I failed a test, I’m not dwelling on it. I’m not letting it get me down.

Tonight, despite an astoundingly awful headache, I am celebrating 2 things:
1. I have 3 weeks to rest, see my family and did I mention rest?
2. I’m caught up. I have learned all the information I missed from the first half of this semester, a feat that I truly wasn’t sure was possible. I missed more than 1/3 of the first half of the semester and aside from this one test, I believe I passed.

It may not seem like much, the act of catching up and making Cs on exams, but it feels like I ran a marathon. I am exhausted, I am worn down, but I managed to do what people thought I couldn’t. And this feeling is worth more than any grade I could’ve possibly earned on a test.

I have regrets unrelated to the tests, which I’m sure will find their way into writing soon, but for now, I’m just feeling proud. And really, really tired.

12 Responses to “Conquered”