We’re officially half-way through the week of hell, with three midterms down and just three little midterms ahead. And by little, I mean the exact opposite. The last two exams on Friday are the mothers of all exams. The second of which we have all been told we will fail. Which really? Makes me not want to study for it AT ALL.

But, I’m not going to complain about the exams because I’m trying to stay positive about their passability, and frankly, I’ve chosen a different calamity to attack.

You see, yesterday after my morning exam, I went to a friend’s house to nap relax between the morning ass-kicking exam and worthless afternoon classes. When I woke up from, um, relaxing, I grabbed the salad I’d bought earlier and sat down to read emails.

The salad dressing was an asian dressing in a little container with a plastic lid that had to be peeled off. And without paying much attention, I picked it up and pulled back a corner of the plastic. And before I even realized it, there was a big splash of salad dressing on my laptop keyboard. The splash hit the entire top right part of the keyboard. I cleaned it up as quickly as I could with copious paper towels and turned the computer upside down to help drain as much as possible while I was in my afternoon classes.

When I got back after class I had planned to make a study guide using my computer for the test I had this afternoon. A test which I had devoted precisely ZERO time to by that point.

So you can imagine my delight when I started typing and realized that several of my keys weren’t working. At first it was just the delete key (I say just there with a hint of sarcasm because THE DELETE KEY. It’s a little important). As the evening progressed and I continued to try to type, more and more keys stopped working. When I woke up this morning to do more work, even more keys were out.

So far the y, i, o, l, 0, +/=, delete, g, h, ;/:, “/’, ENTER and the right side of the spacebar are not working at all. The u is finicky and there are a few more that are getting really hard to make work consistently.

The irony here is almost too much. My oil based salad dressing made it physically impossible for me to type the word oily.

Well played Karma.

I can’t check my school email anymore because my username AND password require letters that don’t work, and I can’t even use most of the internet because, hey, guess what? That enter key? It’s REALLY rather important. Seriously, just try to type in a web address…and then what? Because willing it to open isn’t working yet.

But what makes this so especially painful is that, if you’ll recall my husband very recently dropped his computer in a bathtub and had to replace it. And while it may be a great shock to some of you, I definitely dished out A LOT of jokes in his direction. A. LOT. And may have insinuated that he was a *little* bit irresponsible with his really expensive computer.

In case you wondered, being a hypocrite stings.

I can’t make it to the Apple store until this weekend, so until then I’m using my phone, Slappy’s brand spanking new computer and every bit of patience I have in using my own computer to type the words that I can.

While it wasn’t that much oil I have some substantial concerns about the fixability of the computer. Because apparently the motherboard is like sort of close to the keyboard. And unlike water, oil doesn’t just dry up. It sits there and stays all NOT DRY. And while I may or may not have pined over the pretty new laptops at the Apple store recently, I really REALLY do not want to buy a new one. I can’t afford a new one, I like my computer and did I mention I can’t afford a new computer?

For now I will go back to studying, be grateful that my husband is using great restraint with all the jokes that he can easily be hurling in my direction and hope that the oil magically evaporates and saves me a thousand dollars.

If wishes were horses we’d need a huge fucking stable in our apartment right now.

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