These are my confessions
Internet, I am sick.
I have an undiagnosed, but very clear case of baby fever.
It started months ago, and it has been building. But it seems like suddenly half the people in my life are pregnant, have a baby or are in the process of trying to have another. There are literally babies everywhere.
And I freaking want one.
I know what you’re going to say. Think about the cost! Think about the sleepless nights! Think about the chaos a baby brings!
Yea yea yea. I hear you.
And yet. I want one. Or two. Or twelve.
I want their tiny soft hair and their infant noises. I want the fingers to curl around my fingers. I want to take the best of me and the best of Slappy and see it in a child. I want to see his eyes and my skin color on a child that has his (normal sized) brain and my baking abilities.
I daydream about the day I tell my family and friends that we’re having a child and all the excitement that comes with bringing in new life.
About half of my dreams these days revolve around babies. It’s like my biological clock is a bomb and the ticking is so loud I can scarcely hear above it. I have career aspirations, I am in school working my ass off for them, but if we’re being perfectly honest, the thing I want to be the most is a mother.
But the snag isn’t just in poor timing. It isn’t just in lack of funds, or the life obligations or the inability to quickly stop my birth control. The snag is that there are major questions about whether I’ll even ever be able to get pregnant. Whether all the damage I’ve done to my body will allow me to have the child we’re hoping to bring into this world in about 2 and a half years when all those other snags will fade away.
And so for now, while my biological clock goes largely ignored and the ticking grows louder and louder, I am left to my daydreams and to snuggling other peoples’ babies. Good thing everyone in my life has one.
It’s going to be a long 2 and a half years.
(Also, for the record, I’ve had this post in my drafts pile for a while now and it has nothing to do with the lovely Meghan’s big announcement today. Though I firmly intend to snuggle the hell out of that kid someday.)
16 Responses to “These are my confessions”
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Welcome! I'm Katie, a 27 year old, full-time graduate student who just happened to have brain surgery in November of 2007 to give my ginormous brain a little more space. This blog chronicles my daily life, from relentless headaches to falling over in public to being a doctor's wife. Sit down, get comfortable and stay for a while.
Oh honey you are not alone. I so feel your pain. I tell my ovaries to STFU all the time! It doesn’t help that @Obfuscius tells me he wants to make babies with me all the time.
I may have to write a confession like this soon!
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Last year and this year, it’s seemed like there are a lot of babies around. We’re both on the “maybe someday” plan, although at one point he *really* thought he was into it [before he realized how much work they are!].
So, time will tell. ;p
IDK, I don’t feel like I have a bio-clock; I’m 33 and kinda always felt like I’d put in a lot of time with diapers and childcare when I was a kid, since my youngest sibling was born when I was nearly ten.
*hugs*
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Oh boy, I’m right there with you, Katie. I think about it constantly, and I’m petrified it’s not going to happen. I don’t know if I can deal with not being able to have kids. Losing my career was one thing and tough enough to take. This would be too much to bear.
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I am right there with you girl! I am DYING to have a baby and pregnant women and newborns are EVERYWHERE! My husband doesn’t understand why I keep talking about it. I told him that I have to or else my ovaries will team up and try to kill me.
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The fever is powerful. Well, so powerful that I write this six months pregnant and I’m already feeling the fever that I know will overtake me about a year after this baby (our last) is born.
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I’m already looking forward on reading the one blog entry where you can finally say that you’re having a baby! I’m sure you’d be a good mommy. I really hate to say this, but…maybe you should wait until the mess with your health is solved (which I hope will be very soon, cause it must be a nightmare. I could never handle that. You’re probably one of the strongest persons I know.)
Anyways, I totally understand what you mean.
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Yep. I have my own case of baby fever every so often. Luckily, Mike’s brother gave us a cute little niece this January, so it’s easier to fend off the siren call of the ovaries. I absolutely cannot wait to have kids, but I cannot get pregnant until I am diagnosed and we know for sure what the complications could/would be. It’s frustrating to know that my disease could affect my dreams of a family, but I want to be absolutely positive that it would be okay. Plus, Mike and I need to get married and buy a house in Florida first.
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finish school. I went back after my 1st 9yrs ago, had to stop because work/school became too much and then just had another 16mos ago. I plan on going back, plus I want more kids. it’s just harder to juggle now. Take care of you, go to school and that baby will come when you are ready. I feel you though. Even with 2 of my own, I have serious baby fever lately.
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I had the fever too. Especially in my late 20s. Which REALLY sucked because I wasn’t married and just broken up with a boyfriend I thought I was going to marry. So I made peace with the fact that I probably wouldn’t have a baby, because I figured by the time I met and married the man of my dreams, my ovaries would be OVER. But I got married at 32 – and my husband was ambivilant about having a baby. And on our three-month annivesary – I told him I was pregnant. SURPRISE! Now I have a 7-month-old – that quite frankly, if you were willing to drive to Georgia I would hand over to you because he is teething and it is NOT. PLEASANT. I kid.
But, I will say – all in God’s timing. I didn’t know if I’d get my blessing – and I did. He was so worth the wait. And I completely understand about wanting to see the best of you and the best of your husband combined. It really is spectacular. These next two years will fly by. And I hope that you are still blogging so the rest of us can share your excitment when you announce your own little bundle of joy.
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I feel you! I want a baby SO BAD, and I don’t even have a man with whom to have a baby. Every time I see an adorable tiny person, I can feel my ovaries explode.
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Think positive, darling. I know you and slappy will be terrific parents when the time comes.
I’m very familiar with baby fever. Infact, you could say I have a case of it right now.
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Oh honey, i get it. Truly. I’m about to get divorced and I wish I was having a baby. Talk about insane.
When the time is right, I truly believe you’ll be able to have one. Until then, snuggle your niece and any others you can find. But uh Katie? 12? Serious? Ha. I shouldn’t talk. I want 4 or 5. But 12 seems like a lot.
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I didnt know if I could get pregnant…
and between the Chiari, not knowing if it is hereditary, the damage I’ve done to my body to the point where I stopped having my period, stopped ovulating, and all sorts of shit…
BUT…
It happened. TERRIFYING shit to be honest.
I have a week left and then I’m being induced on Tuesday 2/23. After almost 3 years of trying, it finally happened, and now it’s drawing to a close. it’s weird.
I’m probably going to spend the rest of my life wondering if she has Chiari, (or SM), or Scoliosis like me… but they already said they’ll monitor her. (Started in the womb checking her cerebellum and skull! Looks good so far)
When it’s meant to happen, it will happen. I didn’t even know my biological clock had batteries in it, and then VIOLA! One day the alarm went off in it, and it ticked so loud I could hear it at work while I Was home…
*huggles*
In due time.
Happy thoughts. You’re more than welcome to fly to Boston to babysit my offspring. 
May make you decide you want your tubes tied if she’s anything like me!
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You’re going to be an awesome mom. But if you want to practice, feel free to come on over and take night duty.
SERIOUSLY.
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If the fever gets too bad you are welcome to keep Zac and Mary for the weekend. That aught to cure you of that fever (at least for a little while). Conversely, if you keep Evan for the weekend you will be wanting to give birth to twins.
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Awww, honey. You can come borrow my kids anytime. For real.
xoxo
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