Why’d you have to go and make things so complicated?

Oh. My. God. This day has been the opposite of what it needed to be.

I called the neurosurgeon promptly at 9 and left a message with the nurse practitioner, explaining that I went to the ER and had the blood patch which didn’t really work. I gave her my cell phone to call, because I don’t know, I guess I thought I was going somewhere. Or because I’m stupid. Whatever.

At 10:55, my phone made a noise. A noise indicating that while it didn’t ring, I had a voicemail.

Of course it was from the nurse practitioner and of course when I called her back less than 2 minutes later she didn’t answer. I love my iPhone, but I hate AT&T coverage with a conviction that borders on sacrilegious. If Apple announces tomorrow that their iPhones will be useable on the Verizon network, I will go out, pay whatever enormous fee AT&T wants and run for my life.

Ahem. Anyways.

And so I waited. And waited. And cried. And called. And waited. And called. And waited.

At 3, I got a call from the nurse practitioner. The neurosurgeon wants to do another blood patch, a much higher volume one (for those who missed the blood patch explanation last time, it’s when they take blood from your own veins and inject it into the area just outside your spinal canal (the epidural space) and then it clots and closes the hole where the spinal fluid is leaking) to seal this leak for good.

But, this can’t happen until:

a) I got an get a FULL history and physical. Um. What the hell? It’s my own blood. Are you afraid I’m going to give MYSELF something? REALLY? I understand checking my clotting factors, but a full physical? So I have to ride for a solid hour in the car tomorrow morning to get to my student health center to get a physical. And let’s not forget that we’re doing this because I can’t even sit up for more than about 2 minutes at a time, but yea, let’s go ahead and do a fucking physical.

and

b) We wait a few days. Because the blood that was shot into my epidural space yesterday has to absorb some so that there’s room to shoot more in (more needles in my spine. HOORAY!). And if we don’t give it time, the blood might not go to the right place and then this big fucking circus will be for nothing. Which you know, only sounds EXACTLY like something that would happen to me.

So the nurse is going to see if she can schedule it for Friday.

FRIDAY.

In case you were keeping track, that’ll be six consecutive school days I’ll have to miss if they can even get it scheduled for Friday. If not, we might be waiting until Monday. If we’re waiting until Monday, I just might lose my mind. Oh wait, too late.

My twitter stream, much like my attitude, is a little toxic today, and I apologize for that. I’m doing the best that I can. But right now the best that I can is being bitter and in pain. I’m tired of always having the unexpected complications, I’m tired of the worst case scenario always being the only scenario.

I’m tired.

6 Responses to “Why’d you have to go and make things so complicated?”

  • What I extrapolate from your twitter stream and posts is that you are overanticipating (is that a word?) how this is affecting your family. Despite all your pain and agony, you’re still aware that your Mom is cleaning and cooking and doing laundry and will miss more work. Know this, Katie. Your mother signed up for this when she made you. SHE LIVES FOR THIS. She wants nothing more than to take care of you and support you and you don’t need to ever worry about paying her back or making it up to her. The sane is true of your husband. He married you and loves you and will love you, regardless. Thank you for explaining again what a blood patch is, I wasn’t around the first time you did that, and was about to google it. Despite how horrible you’re feeling, your humor and sarcasm and personality are shining through, LOUD AND CLEAR. And it rocks on a massive scale.

    [Reply]

  • The seemingly arbitrary hurdles are just so insulting. As though you’re not dealing with enough. Fuck, dude. Seriously.

    [Reply]

  • Sue G:

    Oh, Katie, I wish you weren’t having to wait yet again for relief. But since you do have to wait, I am praying that there is peace within the waiting period, a sense of wellness, and relief from the intractable pain.

    I know you are miserable, sore, hurting, frustrated, and defeated. If there were words to comfort you and make those things disappear I would be spewing them like lava right now. All I can say is that I care and I am praying.

    Please God, hear our prayers.

    [Reply]

  • No need to apologize. Anyone would be toxic if they had to wait three more days to possibly get relief. In fact, I encourage you to unleash the toxicity. It will hopefully make you feel a little better, and hopefully you will feel less alone with this pain by putting it out there into the world. Thinking of you and hoping Friday hurries the fuck up so you can get some relief. Hugs and love.

    [Reply]

  • you have full bitching privileges as far as I’m concerned. Have at it…

    [Reply]

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About the Brain
Welcome! I'm Katie, a 27 year old, full-time graduate student who just happened to have brain surgery in November of 2007 to give my ginormous brain a little more space. This blog chronicles my daily life, from relentless headaches to falling over in public to being a doctor's wife. Sit down, get comfortable and stay for a while.
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Questions? Concerns? Don't hesitate to email: overflowingbrain@gmail.com
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