When the going gets tough, it usually just keeps getting freaking tougher
So I said I was going to go get a blood patch today, right? And I did. Because honestly, this is the most pain I’ve ever been in ever. Ever. And I do tend to like to be a hero, but not this time. No way.
A very nice anesthesiologist (Dr. Balls, I swear to God), did the blood patch and I immediately felt better. He gave me a few minutes lying down to recover and then he sat the bed up. For the first minute, I was elated. The second minute, it stopped feeling so great. The third minute it fucking hurt.
I got them to lay the bed flat, thinking that I just needed more time. I napped flat for about an hour and then sat up. The pain wasn’t as instantaneous, but it was there. I thought maybe it was a little better.
We hung around the hospital a little while longer and eventually they decided that there just wasn’t anything more to be done. As I waited for my mom to bring the car, the pain came screaming back, every bit as terrible as it was in the morning, before I had the latest needle shoved into my intervertebral space.
The car ride home was 30 minutes of pure hell.
And I’ve been lying flat on my couch since then. When I sit up, it feels like the world is going to end. When I lie back down, it takes some time, but it does calm down, it is bearable.
Today I wasted HOURS, I wasted pain, I wasted my mom’s time, I had a needle shoved into my back and it was all for nothing. And now I’m going to have to miss another day of classes, go to another hospital (I’ll be speaking with my neurosurgeon tomorrow and he’ll be fixing this, damnit) and have the same fucking procedure done again tomorrow.
I am miserable.
I am disheartened.
I am upset.
I am in pain beyond my worst nightmares.
For the first time ever, I wish I just had my normal headache. I wish I could have even the normal, shitty version of my life back.
I wish.
13 Responses to “When the going gets tough, it usually just keeps getting freaking tougher”
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Welcome! I'm Katie, a 27 year old, full-time graduate student who just happened to have brain surgery in November of 2007 to give my ginormous brain a little more space. This blog chronicles my daily life, from relentless headaches to falling over in public to being a doctor's wife. Sit down, get comfortable and stay for a while.
I’m my mother’s daughter—she was a nurse for 40 years—and I believe in a LOT of pharmaceuticals. Is there ANYTHING they can give you? I feel so helpless and impotent and angry reading about all this pain. I am praying for you. Love, Susan (SnoozanK)
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i really appreciate you keeping us updated. you have so, so many internet friends sending good thoughts your way.
this… can’t… get worse, right? RIGHT?!
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UGH. A world of bummer. ;(
Hope you are feeling so much better – even if it’s just normal-shitty – soon.
*healing vibes*
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been thinking about you, too
hoping hoping for some relief
for complete relief
still sending healing vibes. and good thought
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Here is your chance to be a pioneer in the lay down movement. Since laying down relieves your pain, we ought to engineer you a lay down scooter by mounting a bed on handicap scooter. You can see to drive with cameras and mirrors. Perhaps we can enclose you in a giant cigar tube sort of thing with just your head sticking out, to keep you out of the elements. I can see you now, zooming around the campus, the lay down girl with the overflowing brain. Hope you smiled just a little at the thought.
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I’m sorry that the blood patch didn’t work (what is a blood patch, anyway?), that truly sucks. Maybe the time you spent lying on the hospital floor, contracting H1N1 will help offset your headache.
I hope your hospital trip today goes better.
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I “wish” for you, too. *HUGS*
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I wish I knew what to say…still keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
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Is the blood patch really just the modern version of leeches?
I’m so sorry this goes from bad to worse. But lying down helps? That’s good, right?
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Nothing worse than pain that just won’t go away. Here’s hoping that neurosurgeon can fix you up SOON. I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
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I love you. Thank you for updating. I am so frustrated for you. Hang in there, hon. They have to be able to do something. They just have to. xoxo
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Is Diamox an option? Or will that just cause your CSF to drop further and cause more pain> What about the caffeine injection you can get to help with post LP pain? Just throwing ideas around. I’m sorry your in pain, still, again.
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I’m so sorry you’re in more pain. I don’t really know what to say, but I wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you and wishing with you.
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