Liveblogging the MRI
So, usually I drug myself up and get through MRIs without much ado. Tonight, I decided not to drug myself. I mean, I’m totally used to MRIs by now, right? What could go wrong?
Let’s just say that if anyone ever gets me into an MRI tube again, I will be just this side of completely sedated.
3:45- Leave the house for 5:30 appointment. Curse self for living so damn far from everything.
3:46- Realize my gas light is on. Planning fail. Pump gas, get on the freeway.
4:20- Get off freeway, worry about being early.
5:15- Arrive at hospital. Wonder if it would even be possible to hit more red lights on one street than I just did on Santa Monica Blvd.
5:20- Get checked in. Admissions guy asks me why I’m having an MRI and then sees my chart which says that it’s because of a 5 month old headache. Restrain self from slapping the shit out of him when he says, “whoa, I think I’d lose my mind if I had a headache for 5 months.”
5:30- Go back to MRI area. The woman walking me back stops and whispers something to a tech about my chart. She then explains that she was asking about my IUD. Only she whispered “IUD” to me like it was the dirtiest word in the world. Suddenly I feel like a whore.
5:35- Alright, it’s time for the show. MRI tech warns me that this will be long. He then goes on to explain that I cannot move my spine at all for the next 2.5-3 hours because they need a before and after picture that is as close to the same as possible. Also, if I could try not to swallow or breathe deeply when they’re scanning my c-spine, that’d be super.
5:36- Suddenly my mouth is more full of saliva than ever before. The first scan starts.
5:37- Shit, I just swallowed.
5:37.50- Just swallowed again. Mother fucker.
5:38- I’m drowning in my own spit.
5:39- Did I just yawn?
5:41- Tech buzzes in and says he forgot to ask me a few questions, can he do it now between these two scans? Why the hell not, it’s not like I’m going anywhere.
“Have you been in significant accidents or had trauma to your neck?”
“No.” (Well, you know, except for those 3 car accidents.)
“Do you have a history of cancer?”
“No.” (Oh my God. He thinks I have cancer. He’s only done one scan. I’m dying.)
“Have you had spinal surgery?”
“Yes. C1-C2 laminectomy.” (Information which you’ll find on that chart in front of you. Reading is for winners.)
5:50- I shouldn’t have gotten this blanket. I’m melting.
5:55- Am I sweating? Can you get heat stroke from a blanket?
5:58- I clearly have heat stroke.
5:59- This is hell. I’m in hell.
6:00- Focus on breathing and not on being hotter than the hinges of hell.
6:05- Feeling calm. Clearly I must be like halfway done with this by now. I can do this. I am a zen master.
6:06- Tech buzzes in, an hour more until they pull me out to inject the contrast. Fuck me.
6:20- The tech forgets to tell me that he’s moving the table and pinches my finger. I yell shit, but don’t move my spine. Moral victory.
6:30- It’s actually getting hotter in here. Is that even possible? Satan likes his house cooler than this.
6:38- I have a horrible pain in the middle of my back. I’ve heard that blood clots in the lungs can refer pain here. I’ve been lying still for forever. Clearly I have a pulmonary embolism.
6:39- I wonder which will take me first: the heat, the cancer, or the embolism?
6:40- Weird, the blood clot pain dissipates when I move my arm a little. Maybe it’s a mobile clot.
7:05- I’m out, and ready for contrast. Practically make out with the tech when he removes Satan’s electric blanket from my lower half, but then remember I can’t move my spine. And right, I’m married. Details.
7:10- Contrast is in.
7:11- Did I just pee my pants? Oh my God. I think I just peed my pants. I can’t move my legs because it moves my hips and then we have to start over. It’s official, I will die of embarrassment before the cancer or pulmonary embolism get me.
7:12- Vaguely remember that some contrasts can have the pee the pants effect. Resisting the urge to see if my pants are wet. There’s just no graceful way to feel ones own crotch in public.
7:14- Back in tube, pretty sure I haven’t peed my pants.
7:15- Now I’m cold. Where did my blanket go?
7:50- Tech comes out and puts the neck coil on, tells me I’ve got less than 10 minutes left if I can stay still.
7:51- My nose itches.
7:52- Ohdeargod my nose itches.
7:54- No one has ever had an itch like this.
7:59- MUST. SCRATCH. NOSE.
8:00- The machine quiets, the table moves out and I sit up, and very nearly hit my head on the tube. Scratch nose violently.
8:03- Dressed, walking to shuttle to get car. Just want to be home.
9:20- Walk in front door, eat everything in the house. Even the cat is judging me now, the scale is pointing and laughing.
Tomorrow- I will call the doctor, and hopefully he will look at these scan and tell me that there’s an obvious and easily solved problem. Because trust me, you don’t want the liveblogged lumbar puncture.
Spoiler alert: it contains the word shit a lot.
23 Responses to “Liveblogging the MRI”
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Welcome! I'm Katie, a 27 year old, full-time graduate student who just happened to have brain surgery in November of 2007 to give my ginormous brain a little more space. This blog chronicles my daily life, from relentless headaches to falling over in public to being a doctor's wife. Sit down, get comfortable and stay for a while.
wow, I’d have thought a Lumbar Puncture would contain words much stronger than SHIT.
Nothing like that pee your pants feeling.
Fingers are crossed for obvious and easily solved!
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What a trooper you are! I hope you get the answers you deserve. I hope I get my answer too…did you pee your pants or not?!? Ironically, I may or may not be iTouch-ing this for the loo. And, yes, I am classy, thanks for noticing
Seriously, Katie, I hope today is the start of a pain free 2010 for you. *hugs*
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fingers crossed that they find something. To have to go through that and get no answers would be frustrating – as I am sure you already know full well!
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I hope you get answers! I really do. (And good and decent answers…not horrible diseases like cancer and embolisms!)
My son has spinal MRIs once a year. Our center (or very good doctor) splits them up because a newer, modern MRI machine gets very hot!
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Best MRI story ever.
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You brave soul – that sounds awful. The nose itch and the heat – wow. It’s like a little magnetic torture chamber!
In light of what the various hospital personnel said to you, I think a new rule is in order: Hospital workers should only be allowed to state facts and offer comfort. That’s it.
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Glad that is over with.
What you went through was NOT funny.
The way you wrote it was. I apologized several times out loud while I was reading..did you hear me? My Chihuahua did and our future is now questionable…
I would have to be embalmed before I ever had another MRI and then there would be no need…so I’ll ask for a Triple Bourbon heavy on the Versed shaken not stirred cocktail IV push. I did not do well on my last one although I made it through it because I simply refuse to fail. But I created a new curse language in my head during it. This is gonna be your years for answers and freedom from pain, Katie!
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So? DID you pee your pants? You never said. Is it inappropriate to say I hope they find something wrong – that can be fixed?
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OMG. I’m dying laughing over here. And hoping I NEVER have to have an MRI. Can’t they just knock you out for that?
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It sucks that you had to do that, but you sure made it funny to read!
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Fuck, I love your ability to make things funny. I’ve had an MRI but it was only about 20 minutes. You deserved to eat whatever you wanted after being in there for freaking 3 hours!
Also: Attendant is a prick. Who the hell says that??
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I also have to agree that, while your experience was totally sucky, your description was absolutely hilarious. Have you thought of a career as a humor writer?
I had a scan or something once when they put in contrast stuff that made me feel like I peed myself. Thank goodness they warned me beforehand! That should be standard before they inject people with the stuff!
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OMG! I know your experience was technically not funny, but I nearly peed MY pants reading about it!
And I thought a 1-hour MRI was bad. I can’t imagine!
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Wow! Thanks for the play by play. You’re braver than me. There is no way I could lay still that long. Good job. Let’s hope this time somebody finally finds the root cause to your pain. It’s gotta be something. Fingers crossed.
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Katie,
As a fellow Chiari patient, I read this and laughed hysterically. I don’t think I have ever read a more accurate description of what goes on in one’s mind during miserably long MRIs. May this bring you an answer and some potential relief (it’s about time you get something!).! Thanks for writing- I read your posts daily and you have such a fabulous way of expressing yourself!- Kendra
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You are one brave (and hilarious) woman, Katie. And in a late response to your “no regrets” post – I came to that conclusion for myself much later in life than you did in yours. Good for you!!! It is a worthwhile goal AND attainable! May 2010 be free of pain, and full of answers, hope, humor and love!
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This made me laugh out loud.
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You are a comic genius to make me laugh a little at that ordeal. So glad that it’s over, for that appointment, anyway.
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Katie,
You and I have alot in common, and I still have more questions than answers but, I have been doing my own research and found that the MRI drug that makes you piss all overself.YAY! Wait until you need a colonoscopy and shit all over. That’s always fun times.lol Anyway, that drug can cause Nephrogenic systemic fibrosis(NSF).NSF/ NFD has thus far been observed almost exclusively in patients with kidney disease or renal dysfunction. NSF/NFD leads to thickened, rough and/or hard skin, which can sometimes lead to limbs becoming difficult or even impossible to move. In some instances, NSF/NFD is a progressive disease that can also lead to death. Other signs of NSF/NFD also include:
Burning
Itching
Swelling
Hardening and tightening of the skin
Red or dark patches on the skin
Yellow spots on the whites of the eyes
Stiffness in joints and trouble moving or straightening the arms, hands, legs, or feet
Pain deep in the hip bones or ribs
Muscle weakness.I’m not sure if this is what you have but, when you need answers, you can’t count on the Doctors anymore.
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I can’t believe everything you are enduring.
But, girl, that was hilarious.
I am sending the link to my sister- she would so get you.
I am thinking of you, praying and wishing your pain away.
xoxo
T
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You are one of the most fantastic illness bloggers on the Internet
I hope your pain is lessening, but yes…there is no enjoyable way to experience MRI’s.
Annie
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I’ve had MRI’s before. They suck, but you really make them funny. You do feel like you have to pee. You do start freaking about every possibility. It is so true. You are so funny!
Blessings,
~Dana~
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You’re hilarious! Thanks for your colorful view on medical torture – I mean medical TESTING!
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