It stops here
I don’t understand you. And I really don’t get how my being in pain brings out the nasty in you.
If I am feeling hopeless, it is NOT okay for you to tell me that my hopelessness is probably a cause of my pain. If I am upset, I do not need you to tell me that I’m being silly. I’m not. It’s not. You have headaches too, and I get that. And I have been nothing but empathetic to you.
Why can you not offer me the same in return?
All I did was announce that it was the 2 year mark from my brain surgery. Why did that launch you into a tirade about calling it brain surgery? You’re right, it was skull, vertebral, brain and brain lining surgery. So sure, perhaps saying brain surgery isn’t the most technically correct terminology. WHY DO YOU CARE? What difference does it make to you?
I know that last week mom and dad to come to town. I didn’t guilt either of them into it, they both chose of their own volition. So why do I get a guilt trip from you about causing mom to miss work? I’m sorry that mom coming to Los Angeles for a few days was a hardship on YOU, you’ll have to explain that to me some time.
When I told you that there was no other cause for my low CSF pressure and low protein, there was no reason to be snarky. As you pointed out, I’m not a neurologist. But guess what? Neither are you. I’m educated and I’ve done research. I invited you to do the same and you declined. I think that means you don’t get to offer your thoughts on it.
You are supposed to be a part of my support system. You’re supposed to be someone I can come to for love and comfort. You’re not. You never are. And I don’t know how to process that.
It breaks my heart because I can’t stand to be around you anymore. I can’t stand what you do to me and how you make me feel. It devastates me that you derive pleasure from making me feel shitty.
And it stops here.
I’m not a 6 year old. I will not be talked down to. I will not be mocked, I will not be made to feel stupid or guilty. I will not walk out of every family gathering feeling like I’m an inch tall.
It stops here.
You may never read this, and even if you do, you probably won’t recognize that I’m talking about you. But understand that this is it. If it happens again, I’m done. I don’t need you in my life. And that? that is freeing as all hell.
The next time you pick a fight about my health or take jabs at me for no reason, I’m walking away. And I’m not coming back.
And that’s something you’ll have to live with forever.
It stops here.
One way or the other. You choose.
23 Responses to “It stops here”
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Welcome! I'm Katie, a 27 year old, full-time graduate student who just happened to have brain surgery in November of 2007 to give my ginormous brain a little more space. This blog chronicles my daily life, from relentless headaches to falling over in public to being a doctor's wife. Sit down, get comfortable and stay for a while.
Big hugs to you!
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You tell ‘em! *hugs* It took me a long time to learn not to let people walk on me. I still find myself being walked on, at times. Good for you for standing up for yourself!
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Go you!
But honestly? This person wants exactly this. Except, my bet is, they also want you cut off from your parents. I recognize this behavior. I really, really do.
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One of my favorite quotes is, “I refuse to be an actor in your drama when I did not audition for the part.”
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Good for you! You deserve better then to be treated like that by anyone, let alone a family member who should be supporting you 110%! I hope this person reads this and realizes how awful they are being.
Hugs
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Sorry there is someone in your life that is obviously a complete ass. Hugs and stregnth to you while you keep going on the way that you do. You deserve nothing less than a amazing support system and not the bullshit that this person keeps trying to drag you down with
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*hugs* it’s not okay for someone who should be your support system chose to be an attack system instead. I just wanted to say that if you need more family, you have me and the Seester and Bro and I imagine all 3 of their cats.
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my bag of dicks is ready.
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Sounds like quite a sucky situation. My heart goes out to you. Have you thought about emailing a version of this to the person who was so nasty to you? I know that people, especially women, generally feel as though they shouldn’t tell people how they feel all the time, but I’m a firm believer in letting it out and clearing the air. (In fact, I probably do it a little too much!) At the very least, it might make you feel better, and the ball would then be in the other person’s court.
Also, I don’t know about the family dynamics, but you mention your parents in the post. Have you discussed this with them? Could that have a positive effect? I’m sure you’ve already thought of it, but if it might help it might give you some peace of mind.
Hang in there!
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live your life and f$%^%$$# them! Family is hubby and who you chose to bring in. You are a adult and can make choices now.
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Sharlene has a point. When we grow up, we are far more capable of choosing our family. I think you should email a version of this to this person. Not only will it make them aware of what dickish behavior they are expelling, but I know it will make you feel better. Life is FAR too short to have negativity in your life like this.
Hugs to you my friend, I hope you find your way here. xo
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I just read this quote and I thought of you…
To forgive is not to forget. The merit lies in loving in spite of the vivid knowledge that the one that must be loved is not a friend. – Ganhdi
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You’re NOT 6 years old? Could have fooled me with this temper tantrum…
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Megan Reply:
November 30th, 2009 at 1:20 am
Maybe you’d feel the same if you didn’t get respect from someone who has been around you throughout your entire life, Eliza, someone who is supposed to be part of your support system. Katie has a right to be frustrated when someone she is close to chooses to be negative instead of supportive towards her pain. She’s putting up with so much. Maybe you should re-examine whether YOU are 6-years-old or not through reading her other blog posts and seeing the kind of pain she’s been through over the past few months.
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I lived this before. and I walked away…it wasn’t easy but I did it. Stay strong and hugs to you!
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Not to pick on this person who I’m pretty sure may be a person in a medical field but why in the world would you argue that a surgery that was performed by a brain surgeon was not a brain surgery? Also, as far as I know your mother is an adult that can choose which days off she takes without anyone else’s assistance. My suspicion is this person that appears to be “smart” and “together” is actually desperately jealous of you b/c your illness gives you some of the attention and they want it all. That just makes them pitiful. Who is jealous of someone with a chronic health problem? Maybe one day you can get to the point where you feel sorry for her because she really is pathetic. Hang in there girl. You have many people that are supporting you and praying for you!
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Isn’t it funny how people we call “family” can hurt you more than a stranger. The good news is, you can pick your family. And you have to do what’s best for you. I hope it all works out.
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Go Katie!
And Eliza can suck it.
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I suspect that Beth is right. Anya, too. Having been there and literally done what you are going to do, it does take forgiveness. But forgiveness sometimes requires distance to be effective long term. Distance to give perspective. And no need to walk back to the relationship once forgiveness is given. The other person may never be capable of relationship. They may always grind their heel into your very last nerve. Step out and away, woman.
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I know how you feel Katie!
I kind of just posted a mini-blog like that myself the other day!
xoxo
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[delurk!] As much as it hurts to reflect on circumstances like you must have gone through, we readers love to see you put your foot down.
Hopeless? Hardly.
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Wow. I stay away from the computer for a few days and look at how much I miss.
Good for you. I know you think you’re talking to “her” in this update…but, you’re really talking to yourself. The side of you that is the fighter is talking to the side of you that has been taking it for so long.
Yay, fighter!!!!
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I arrived here after searching for “it stops here”. Your post echoes something I have arrived at – especially the bit about being supposed to me part of my support system.
Pre christmas I arranged for the first time ever to go and see a professional for help as I want someone to be in my corner – even if for now it has to be someone I pay for.
I feel really proud for having done this and this is my way of saying “it stops here”
Good luck .. it’s a difficult situation
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