Special Case
I had another exam this afternoon, making the 3rd in 3 weeks. And of course I have 2 more planned this month because I just can’t get enough of them.
But I only took one of the two tests that my classmates took today because I realized last week that there was simply no way that I would be prepared for both tests on time. The volume of material that I missed was enormous and if I want to pass (which, today, I sort of do), I knew that I would have to start asking for help.
Which I freaking hate.
The test I took today was an anatomy practical, which consisted of 80 questions from the cadavers and 20 questions from bones. For the practicals we are given 90 seconds to answer 2 questions at each station and then everyone shifts to the next table until you get back to where you start. Aside from one extra 90 second period, you can’t go back and re-examine anything.
During the last anatomy practical, I nearly cried. It was too much material, too little time and my brain couldn’t keep up. I was beyond panicked and while I passed the test, I didn’t do nearly as well as I could or should have.
And so after that, I contacted disability services, who had already granted me note-taking accommodations, and asked for more help.
And so today I got my 90 seconds at each station, but then when the test was over and everyone else had to leave, I got an extra 20 minutes to go back to any stations I needed to. And internets, I NEEDED that time. I wish I could better explain how ruined my concentration is, but you’ll just have to believe me. It’s like my brain is so saturated by pain that knowledge bounces off instead of being absorbed. It’s not good.
There were a few other students (with accommodations) in the room with me and one of the professors, NOT QUIETLY, asked the other what we were still doing in there. After all, we’d far exceeded our limit.
The head instructor answered, “oh, these are special cases.”
Special cases.
I know you’re all going to tell me not to let this bother me, but it fucking hurt.
It hurt my pride. It hurt my hope and my heart. I don’t want to be a special case. I’ve NEVER had to ask for extra time on exams. I’m always finished first, I’m always ready to go, able to answer questions and rarely unsure of my answers. I’ve never been special in any way that wasn’t good. I’ve never been one of those kids that everyone else feels sorry for.
And it’s like I’m living in opposite land. All the things I never had, I have now. All the things I never wanted, are controlling my universe. And I’m just not me anymore.
Instead, I’m a special case. And I absolutely hate it.
7 Responses to “Special Case”
Leave a Reply
Welcome! I'm Katie, a 27 year old, full-time graduate student who just happened to have brain surgery in November of 2007 to give my ginormous brain a little more space. This blog chronicles my daily life, from relentless headaches to falling over in public to being a doctor's wife. Sit down, get comfortable and stay for a while.
Mr. Sensitivity – after you knee him in the crotch – needs to be told that these aren’t “special cases”. These people are students with an ADA accommodation. I know you probably don’t feel up to it, but I think Disability Services needs to be told about this.
You are not Other. You are you, with the brain-busting headache of all time.
[Reply]
What? The? Fuck?
I don’t care if he/she is the head instructor. He/she needs to be told that it is NEVER okay to deem people that need a few extra minutes as “special cases”. That is just rude and (dare I say) discriminatory and flip. Take Another Becs advice and bring it up with Disability Services. The remark was completely uncalled for.
[Reply]
I’m sorry that happened. It is just one more thing you don’t need. We’re all proud of you for persevering.
[Reply]
Actually, I think you are a very special case. But I would think that without Chiari, without headaches, without having to be given special dispensation to have extra time at tests.
I guess I define special case differently than your professor does.
For me, it’s a matter of the heart of the person.
And in that respect, yes, you are a very special case.
[Reply]
Another vote for following Another Becs advice.
Think of it as standing up not only for yourself but others who are in and will be in your situation who don’t the courage to speak up.
[Reply]
The question I have in all of this has to do with your brain and how the human brain works. What about ‘stateful learning’? How much of what you learn during this time of pain induced stress are you going to be able to retain and properly use once your issue is rememdiated and the pain is gone?
[Reply]
hopefully, your doctor will find the leak, fix it and all will be well…and you will no longer be disabled, you will no longer need extra time because you will no longer be in pain!
hope it happens soon…i know you’re miserable…
[Reply]