Sensitivity
As much as I like to pretend like I have thick skin and that I can brush off jokes here and there, I don’t and I can’t. Not even a little bit.
Sometimes I know that someone doesn’t mean to be mean or harsh, but it hurts just as much. Sometimes I know that things are said with sarcasm, but I can’t let them go.
On Tuesday, after the lumbar puncture, I posted this on facebook:
Guess what hurts more than a needle into your lumbar spine? Five of them. My ability to complicate all medical situations knows no bounds.
It was meant to be snarky and a little whiny. But dudes, I was in a crap load of pain.
Later that day, my email made the “bing” noise, alerting me of an incoming message. And what I read, hurt me. I tried not to let it, but it did. My Godmother had responded to my status with the following message:
you just can’t resist being the center of attention, can you?
I know that what I wrote was whiny, but really?
Do people think that I actually had the doctor re-insert the needle 4 extra times because I needed the attention? That I botched my own LP for attention? That I’m enjoying this in some way?
I am miserable. I am scared. I am tired.
I was so happy to have news, to have a start at a potential diagnosis. But I feel like the wind has been taken completely out of my sails. And not just by the spinal headache, but people. People who make it known that they don’t want to hear about it. That they don’t care. That they think I should let it go and move on.
I would love to “move on.” I would love to stop whining. I would love to be normal. I would love a lot of things.
But I was dealt this life. I didn’t choose it.
If my choices are to fight this alone or give up and be surrounded by “friends,” then I guess I’ll be lonely.
I can do this alone if that’s the only way, but I really don’t want to.
26 Responses to “Sensitivity”
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Welcome! I'm Katie, a 28 year old, full-time graduate student who just happened to have brain surgery in November of 2007 to give my ginormous brain a little more space. This blog chronicles my daily life, from relentless headaches to being a doctor's wife. Sit down, get comfortable and stay for a while.
For every one person who leaves you a hurtful comment, there’s 100 of us who love you, Katie. We follow this blog because you are tough (even though you say you’re not). You inspire us to do better in our lives and to stick through situations even when the times get rough. I know you’re hurt by the comment but take joy in the fact that there are so many of us who follow you and are with you through everything.
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If it were me, I’d respond with a simple:
“What do you mean?”
Let her explain herself.
Maybe she meant no harm and was attempting to be sarcastic and witty (which with the benefit of vocal tone you could totally hear).
Maybe she has something to say and your response will allow her to stop being passive aggressive about it.
Either way, put the ball back in her court and if she does have an issue, remember it is HER issue!
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1. De-friend!
or
2. Maybe it was a lame attempt at a joke to cheer you up? I don’t know her of course, but I’ve met people who try to cheer others up and end up just saying dumb, thoughtless crap without meaning to.
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So yeah, if I was brave, I’d ask her what the heck that was for. More likely, I’d just delete her if I thought she was just being a jerk…
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I’ve head the headache after the LP and good GOD does it hurt. I’m sorry you’re going through it and I’m sorry that people that know you and love you aren’t being more supportive. Shame on her.
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That really does suck. But, trust me, if I had had a lumbar puncture as scary as yours, I’d have pooped my pants beforehand, screamed bloody murder during and whined without stopping for weeks afterwords. I think you are entitled to some complaining after such a scary and painful experience. While I do miss some of the snark, you are going through a lot of crap right now and I think you’re handling it admirably. Keep on fighting!
As far as your godmother goes, email her and ask her to explain herself, and let her know that she really hurt your feelings. I’m all about letting people know how you feel rather than letting the anger fester inside you. The stress of it certainly can’t be good for you. She may have been trying to joke, or she may just not know what to say (take it from the daughter and wife of cancer survivors: people say the stupidest things to people when they’re having a medical crisis).
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I agree let her know that she hurt your feelings. And know that people can say the stupidest things and have no idea they are hurting someone.
Don’t stop being honest. You are not going through something easy, you shouldn’t have to keep it silent if you don’t want to. It is ok to share. And it is not trying to be the center of attention.
* hugs *
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I have tried to encourage you to lighten your load. You are dealing with an incredible amount of ‘stuff’ – and I worry that your education will suffer for the medical issues you’re dealing with. But you sail on, somehow. You manage to make it from one day to the next. If this blog, and blogging, are part of hte process for you, if somehow you find strength from what you do here, then by God keep it up and don’t let some dimwit’s unkind and insensitive remarks throw you – or hurt you. You. Are. Amazing.
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fUCK THEM……..I have been checking in almost daily. I have been in pain and am pain free now…almost…Till you walk in my shoes do NOT comment. It sucks but keep it going and you have a great hubby. Too much debt but he loves you and a silent Following!
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Your godmother can #suckit.
I never understand what the hell gets into people.
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I will never understand people like that…and I am related to many of them. So sorry Katie, you deserve so much better…in many ways. Take care.
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Just wanted to check in and let you know how much I DO care. I’ve had needles in my back before (epidurals/spinals which is different, but still needles in the spine). Of course you’re not doing this to get attention! Am thrilled that there’s actually hope that you can get help!
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Is this working?
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Sorry – just checking! I’ve never commented on a blog before! O.K, what people say is a reflection on themselves so don’t take it personally. I think I’ll write you an email….. I can’t believe how similar our stories are and I’m way over in Sydney, Australia! You are so NOT alone!
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Katie, I hope you know from Twitter and my comments here that I’m behind you 100%, even though I’ve never met you IRL. I actually enjoy reading your blog. I like it when you “whine” because you’re being honest. I always want to know how the headache is, and if you have any answers.
I agree with the above commenters that your godmother can suck it. I don’t know her or if she was trying to be sarcastic, but regardless, she hurt you, and that’s NOT OKAY. If it were me I’d either block her or ask her why the hell she would say such a hurtful thing. Especially now that you have a potential diagnosis and this is NOT all in your head.
Keep it up, girl. You’re doing great.
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Your godmother’s remark was ironic, given that you have spent so much time lately flat on your back, unable to do the simplest things for yourself with no one around to help.
So, exactly where does she think this attention she thinks you crave is coming from? From what I read here and on Twitter, the people who love you are really far away and can’t be there to help you.
Thinking about you and praying that relief is on the way. NOW.
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I’m not sure what to think about that comment. I can see it being a poorly thought out joke or silly remark, but most people put the good old sideways smiley to denote that it was in fun.
I don’t think you’re whining. You’re just writing your experiences, and if people can’t handle it, then they need to hop off the Internet and find a new hobby.
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I was up last night nursing 2 sick kids and reading your tweets throughout (our nighttime) and what struck me is how lucky they are and that they will recover fast. And you are trapped in a world of pain. And if people thinkink you are whinging or trying to get attention, then they really don’t get it. And I’d do what Megan said. (She’s pretty smart) Hugs xxxxx
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I’ve been lurking, off and on, for a while now. I am sorry that someone who should be supportive hurt you with her comment. I hope you feel better quickly after the LP, and that you get some answers soon…
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I am just so astounded that your “godmother” would say such a thing. She should be praying for you if nothing else. She may not be praying for you, but I am and I don’t even know you!
Marilyn
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I enjoy your tweets. I’m along for the ride. And as far as your godmother goes, WOW. just wow. I don’t know what I would do with that.
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please tell me she is the type to kid in such a way.
if not, i would tell her that she offended you. i do that all the time.
i like you …and love to hear you whine. it makes me feel good about all my whining!
let’s whine and dine together.
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What everybody else said.
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Your godmother sounds exactly like my aunt, I have a painful bladder condition and she just has to say something rude whenever I mention it but for people who don’t have to face everyday with a painful condition just don’t get it. AND THEY SUCK!
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you will never ever ever be alone.
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Wow, with family like that, who needs friends?!?
Seriously, though, Megan is right… you are so loved by your internet family, your mom, Dr Slappy and so many others. I don’t want to say ‘don’t let it bother you’ when it would bother anyone, but perhaps she was trying to be witty and failed miserably? If not, I generally find that those who are mean are usually just jealous. And we hurt the ones we love the easiest. Perhaps you could tell her what someone once told me that has helped me to become a (hopefully) much nicer person… tell her that before she says (or writes) something to ask “is this going to bring us closer together or further apart?” If the answer is ‘further apart’ either don’t say/write it, or be prepared to face the consequences. I’d probably through in some colourful language when telling her, just for effect. And if she asks what the consequences are, feel free to send her my way, I can be pretty scary… or I can just sit on her for a while, that should teach her a lesson!
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