Jitters
Consider this the beginning of the BlogHer posts that will probably entertain some and bore the hell out of others. This one is coming to you at 5:57 in the morning, though I’ve been awake for nearly an hour now.
You see, I’ve been nervous about aspects of BlogHer. Primarily the making friends aspects. But I was trying to let not think about a lot of it (denial? I has it) and was pretty successful. And then I went to lie down for bed last night and BAM suddenly the anxiety came out of no where, my blood pressure rose to astronomical heights and sleep was an impossibility.
Eventually I did get to sleep, but when the cats had a rumble at 5 this morning on the bed, I was back in the same panic filled hell. And I know, it’s a conference, it’s women and it’ll be fine. But it’s a conference. With a shit-ton of women I don’t know and what if it’s not? I have visions of myself having lunches alone and of not having anyone to talk to at parties. I worry that I will be horribly awkward, or, not awkward enough.
I’m still incredibly excited and I remember sitting at home reading all the BlogHer posts from a year ago, painfully jealous. I have lived this conference vicariously, and now I want to live it myself. So I’m making a few promises for myself. I will join conversations, even when I feel too young/unimportant/whatever superlative I’ve chosen for that moment. I will be cool when I meet people I’ve long wanted to meet (unlike last night when I saw Joan Rivers walking around and yelled, “HEY, THERE’S JOAN RIVERS.” Cool as ice, this girl). I will not feel put out when people don’t remember me and I will work to make myself memorable. I will participate in as much as I can and I will stop all the worrying. (Okay, I’ll stop some of it. I can’t even make myself that kind of promise).
And maybe, just maybe, I’ll have some fun. Or something.
2 Responses to “Jitters”
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Welcome! I'm Katie, a 28 year old, full-time graduate student who just happened to have brain surgery in November of 2007 to give my ginormous brain a little more space. This blog chronicles my daily life, from relentless headaches to being a doctor's wife. Sit down, get comfortable and stay for a while.
Don’t WORK at being anything. Just be yourself. Trust that you will meet whoever you are supposed to meet. Trust that you have as much to offer the people there as they have to offer you. You have your own uniqueness, Katie. Embrace it. Don’t worry or wish to be like someone you admire. Just trust that you being you might actually give someone else the opportunity to admire YOU. Blogging is about a lot of things: catharsis (catharting…you know, for parallel form), sharing, venting, entertaining, provoking. You give what you have to give and then trust that if it only touches ONE person, you have accomplished much.
If you can captivate one heart, contribute to one mind, make one person laugh or one person cry, well, then don’t you think that matters? A lot?
The power of ONE. Don’t underestimate it. And don’t underestimate YOU!
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I know you will be fine Katie. I bet you will have a blast and look back on how anxious you got and realize it was for nothing.
Here is a girl whose blog I read regularly and she’s going too. http://www.missdisgrace.com/
Maybe you will see her there. Just remember that all these women are just like you. They have a blog and have readers as well. They share their feelings and thoughts online. I bet you will find tons of women there that you will have a ton in common with. Good luck!
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