So you’re probably curious about the whole emergency room experience and the boob doctor stuff, and since I’m feeling way too worn out to be clever and creative, I’m going to tell you all about both, in painful detail. Consider this warning that this is probably going to be boring. Though, I’m kind of a train wreck right now, it’s almost impossible not to watch me crash and burn.
Wednesday afternoon I was feeling mostly fine. I had not yet gotten the UTI taken care of, but only because it seemed to get significantly better. And I had a mild headache, but nothing out of the ordinary.
I went to physical therapy, got about half-way through and in the middle of an exercise where I was literally sitting and doing almost nothing but shifting my foot from side-to-side, I suddenly became extremely lightheaded. I laid down and still could not shake the lightheadedness. I didn’t pass out, but my eyes did the roll back in the head thing and my pulse was like 110 at the peak. It was not pleasant and was wildly embarrassing.
And my head was enormously painful. Like insane levels of hurt.
Soon I got really cold and couldn’t stop some random chills. At one point I was lying under 2 heating pads, 2 blankets and was still freezing my ass off. Eventually I called Slappy and had him pick me up because driving was out of the question.
We came home, ate dinner and I was no better. My left hand wasn’t working well, my head hurt and I couldn’t stop the full body chills. So we went to the emergency room. The brand-spanking-new emergency room. The emergency room that took me back within 10 minutes, gave me a room with a flat screen tv and where I saw a doctor (Dr. Coffin, dude, what a horrible last name for a doctor) almost immediately.
Within no time I had blood drawn, an IV started and had peed in a cup.
In a wonderful show of meanness the male nurse and my husband played a joke on me where they told me that my pregnancy test was positive. And then after they
shocked my heart back into rhythm and I punched them both in the face stopped being jackasses, I got a CT of my head.
The urinalysis showed bacteria, protein and blood, which means, hello, I have a UTI. The head CT came back clean except for this little tid-bit: “Hyperdensity is seen in the region of the foramen of Monroe..A colloid cyst would be a consideration.”
Awesome. Just awesome. A cyst in my brain. GREAT.
So they gave me compazine for the headache, which made me feel both extremely exhausted and slightly agitated all at the same time and Cipro for the UTI. And then I was discharged to sleep it off at home. And I did. I woke up at 7:15 to go get my car, peed and then nearly keeled over and died, because ironically, the UTI was infinitely worse this morning. Like if you measured the amount of pee verses the amount of blood, I’m pretty sure my urine has a perfect ratio of 1:1. It’s not good.
And I tried to get ready for work, but knew that there was no way I could do it. So I went and got my car and then came home and slept off and on (okay, more on than off) until about noon. My bladder is still a mess, and if I had to guess, based on the level of exhaustion and back pain, I’d go ahead and say it’s probably in my kidneys too. Like a wonderful little infection party. I’m loving it, believe me.
And that about rounds out the ER experience. On to the boobs.
I went to the boob doctor at 1:30, though I didn’t get seen until 3, which was not my favorite thing. But, the doctor insisted that I did the right thing by coming in, even only a week after having last been in. She felt the very same lump I did and was glad that I didn’t ignore it. (Validation! I am not completely crazy!)
She ultrasounded the whole boob and apparently it’s just a fibrocystic mass, but one that covers about a full quarter of the already deformed boob (So if they took out a quarter, and now a quarter of it is fibrocystic obnoxiousness, how much of the original boob would that have been? It’s like the world’s sickest math problem). There’s nothing that can or needs to be done about it right now it just needs to be monitored in the same way we already are for eternity. I apparently also need to a) cut back on the caffeine again and b) drink more water.
It’s almost like I’ve been dehydrating myself and my body’s not happy.
So the plan is to drink more water, take better care of the UTI stuff and call the neurologist about the brain cyst, because it might be nothing, but I’d like to hear that from my neurologist. I’ve also decided that my Lenten resolution this year would be to cut out caffeine, including chocolate. I might die, but my boobs will be better in the end. And that’s pretty important.
So, in short, tried to pass out but failed, was dehydrated with UTI, probable cyst in brain and big fibrocystic mass in boob. All in a day’s work. Okay, 2 days, but still. I think it’s impressive.