Hell Hath No Fury…

like a woman having a really REALLY bad day in which someone has to come to her FUCKING blog and leave an anonymous comment like the following, left at 3:11pm.

“That really sucks, but maybe that is a lesson for people about consumerism and responsibility. Who actually needs all of that crap for a vacation? Laptops, gameboys, ipods, dvds on your honeymoon? (good luck with married life) Have you ever heard of conversation and a good book? And why would you bring $700 worth of gift cards with you? Have you heard of travelers checks? Also, you should know better than to leave anything of value inside a car, locked or not, within the view of passers by. Hmmm…..maybe next time you’ll use the trunk.”

I’m going to dissect this and use a lot of foul language, so just be ready. (And if you’re not the anonymous assface, please feel free to skip over the rest of this. Though it has more information about the robbery, so if you’re interested and not offended by foul language, go on ahead.)

That really sucks
First, yes, it does suck, and thank you for your sympathy. That would’ve been sufficient. But no, you obviously couldn’t stop yourself, that horse you’re riding on is awfully high, isn’t it? I’d hate for you to fall off on your head.

Who actually needs all of that crap for a vacation? Laptops, gameboys, ipods, dvds on your honeymoon? (good luck with married life) Have you ever heard of conversation and a good book?
First, fuck you. You do not know anything about my marriage. How dare you make assumptions about it?

Second, no we don’t “need” all that crap for our honeymoon, we’re not as shallow as you seem to think (or as stupid as you think, just for the record). A lot of it came because we simply had no place to put it after the wedding. I had to use my computer quite a lot on the day before and the morning of my wedding, so it had to be put somewhere afterwards, though I’m sure in your perfect (and lonely) world, there was a better solution. To be honest, the only thing my computer was used for the entire 10 days was to watch dvds together, which, whether your realize it or not, is an activity you can do with a loved one. Though I’m assuming you have very few of those considering that you’re a HUGE douche tool.

Slappy’s computer, however, was a necessity, because however unfortunately, even on a honeymoon things still happen. We still had to pay bills, deal with our landlord and housing situations, deal with school and money issues. You know, real life, which even on a honeymoon, doesn’t actually stop.

The gameboy was primarily for the flights to and fro and because every once in a while when you’re too tired from the many many sexings that occur during a honeymoon (again, assuming that since you’re such an ass you’ve probably never been on one), you don’t want to read a book. Sometimes sitting next to each other, playing a mindless video game is just relaxing. Honeymoons are also vacation, so it seems like it’s a time where you could, oh, I don’t know, just chill the fuck out.

And no, actually I haven’t ever heard of conversations or good books. I definitely didn’t bring several books and I didn’t speak a single syllable to my husband. In fact, I think I’m possibly illiterate and mute. Which is better than being an asshole, which is what you are. Have you ever heard of not being a jerk? Or not being condescending? No, I didn’t think so.

And why would you bring $700 worth of gift cards with you? Have you heard of travelers checks?
Nice one, see here’s where your assumptions make you look especially like a jerk, because my husband already feels spectacularly guilty about this particular part of the theft. We did not ever make it to a “home” or anywhere other than a hotel after our wedding (you know, since we were on our HONEYMOON) and subsequently had no where to put the gift cards after they were opened, so they were stowed safely in Slappy’s backpack. We didn’t have any intention of using them on our honeymoon as Hawaii doesn’t even have a Bed Bath and Beyond and who the fuck would go registry shopping on their honeymoon? But thanks for the guilt trip. I’m sure he needed that.

And also, no, totally haven’t heard of traveler’s checks. Have you heard of debit cards? They’re a new revolution sweeping the nation for oh, gee, um, the past 20 years. We used those quite successfully thankyouverymuch.

Also, you should know better than to leave anything of value inside a car, locked or not, within the view of passers by. Hmmm…..maybe next time you’ll use the trunk.
This is my favorite part, because this is where I get to use that saying, the one about assuming about about how it makes you an asshole? That one. You’re an asshole.

All of our luggage was stored in our trunk, all the car doors were locked and we were parked in a non-secluded area. The only reason our bags were in the car in the first place were because we had to check out of our hotel at noon and our flight didn’t leave until 8:45, so we had a little time to kill. Normally I don’t make it a practice of keeping thousands of dollars worth of things in my car, but my ability to store things in magical hiding places was defective yesterday, so we had to store them in the trunk. Since you’re all knowing, where would you have stored the stuff (knowing that there was no place to store it at our resort, yes, we asked, just for the record)? I mean, clearly you know better than I do, so please enlighten me.

But if you’d like to know how guilty I feel about all of this I can tell you that I did in fact open the trunk in the parking lot and take something out of my bag just before we believe it was stolen, so yea, that was probably my fault. And no, I haven’t spent countless hours wishing I could go back in time and un-do that one action or watch more carefully or in any way fix that mistake I made. In case you wondered, I already feel like shit, but it totally helps to have you point it out. Definitely necessary.

I hope that next time something bad happens to you and you reach out for support, someone lectures you on all the things you did wrong and how it should be a lesson. In fact, maybe this should be a lesson for you: go away and stop being a dick because your assumptions and patronizing comments are not needed or welcome here. If you have something to say to me (or anyone for that matter, let’s make this a lesson for you), grow a spine and leave your name or send an email like an adult would. I may have made a few bad decisions yesterday, but at least I’m not just jumping around the internet trying to put other people down. You must have a pretty crappy life to get off on this kind of thing.

In my mind, you’re just as bad as the thieves who stole our stuff because you think that it’s our fault rather than theirs. I pity you because I’d imagine you must lead a lonely and difficult life. And I sincerely hope you don’t have children, because I can only imagine the hell they must go through everytime something bad happens in their lives.

Do us all a favor, don’t procreate and shut the hell up.

15 Responses to “Hell Hath No Fury…”

  • nola:

    Is it wrong that I chuckle when you give a smackdown? They are just so funny! As far as as the offender, you about covered it. Got nothing more to add. Still feel really bad for you. Hope you made it home with no further hassles (hahaha–I mean, come ON, you FLEW, right? From Hawaii? What could possibly go wrong? ;) )

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  • the queen:

    This made me laugh too, but I am a heartless cow.

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  • ~*~Snappz~*~:

    Hey Katie,

    Just wanted to let you know that there are some people here who are thinking of you, not judging you. Asswipe Anon is obviously a gutless fuckwit (damn, i was trying so hard not to swear in this comment … Ahh well. Shit happens) who just doesnt have a clue. I really hope that the things you lost can be replaced/or that you can be reimbursed for them. Good luck to you and Slappy, and best wishes on your marraige. It’s one hell of a start, but think of all the comment love you’re getting on here because of it :-) Except for Dickhead Anon, of course. But who really cares about that type of person?

    P.S. Has anyone told you yet that one day you’ll find this funny? If it’s happened … How high did your blood pressure go, and how hard did you hit them?

    [Reply]

  • Daisy Duke:

    If it makes you feel *any* better, you just made laugh really hard while simultaneously handing Anonymous Fuckwad his/her ass (shredded into bits I might add) back to them.

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  • Katie:

    as a matter of fact that does make me feel better! This was good catharsis

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  • Lanny:

    First of all, you made me laugh too.

    Second, I’m still sorry it happened in the first place!

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  • jenn:

    Some people are assholes. Total assholes.
    For serious, why do people feel the need to be so rude?

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  • Anonymous:

    WHEW… I thought it was me when you mentioned the game boy! I was joshing, really!!! My kids are glued to the thing mindlessly so I had to make a joke of it!

    I’m not even going to comment on those aweful comments cause then they would feel like they got the attention they want….

    Is it possible to contact the stores they are for?

    And about travelers cheques, a lot of places won’t take them anymore – from my experience in Hawaii…. you are MUCH better off with a debit card – esp visa, its taken just about anywhere!
    mary lee

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  • jojo:

    God, I love a good “smackdown.”

    Still feeling really crappy about what happened. I don’t think people learn compassion, I think you are born with it, and obviously they are lacking. Travel safe.

    jj

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  • Kate:

    Dude, I love this post. It’s an amazingly well put together smack down. I don’t think I’d have been able to type sentences if I read something like that!

    I am SO sorry about all the crap life has thrown you and Slappy in the past few months. The last thing you need is jerkwads.

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  • Flea:

    Idiot. Man alive!

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  • Yo:

    this might even be the dickweed that robbed you.

    who the hell repremands someone after they got robbed? reprimand? i or an e? dammit.

    uhhh… OH! i know what i was going to say… i’m kinda totally jealous that you have a mean reader. none of my readers are mean. and while i’d never trade one single one of them… how totally popular do you have to be to get RIPPED ON for getting robbed?

    i think this person either knows you, or is one of those people that run around the internets posting mean stuff for people to get mad at.

    he is most definitely a dickweed.

    [Reply]

  • Anonymous:

    Bravo Katie! Very well said…I could not have done better!! Stay strong! xo

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  • KatieMay:

    Bravo Katie! Very well said…I could not have done better!! Stay strong! xo

    [Reply]

  • kim-d:

    Katie, once again I am extremely late to the party here. I read of this awful thing and, of course, I hated that this happened to you. But I was busy being self-involved and didn’t feel I had anything worthwhile to add that would make you feel better.

    Now that I’ve taken a little break from all things me-related, I’m re-reading and I have to say…

    “when you’re too tired from the
    many, many sexings that occur on
    a honeymoon…”

    Sexings? BWAHAHAHAHAHA! Perfect. If it turns out that I ever again have a sexing in my life, I am SO calling it that. And many, many of them…well, yay for the many, many SEXINGS. Nobody can steal that from ya, sister!

    Still BWAHA’ing…

    (and I’m wondering if your troll moved over to Lanny?)

    [Reply]

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Welcome!
I'm Katie, a 30-year-old, wife, mom, former teacher-turned PT, who also had brain surgery in November of 2007. This blog chronicles my daily life, from mundane to crazy, often with far too much detail. Sit down, get comfortable and stay for a while.
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