I am a stickler for tradition. I can’t help it, I am. My grandmother was a huge traditionalist and in a lot of ways I’m a lot like the way she was when she was alive, especially with the crazy. A lot of that slipped into the genes.
So you can imagine my horror when I received the following email regarding Christmas dinner. The dinner that is and always has been, Turkey, Mashed Potatoes, Bacon Green Beens, Burn and Serve Rolls, and Pies. Always. Since the birth of time. Or at least me.
(names have been changed to protect the innocent and my comments are in bold)
The Christmas Party is at Oldest and Meanest Uncle’s house at 3:00 on the 25th. In an effort to avoid another “ Ham and dessert incident” (That happened at Easter. We NEVER have Ham at Christmas. It’s blasphemy) and to change it up a bit (why? WHY would you want to do that?), I have selected recipes and am assigning family members to the recipes *cough* because I’m a dictator *cough* so that everyone can contribute to what I am sure will be an outstanding meal *cough* because I’m in charge *cough*. It should be fun to deviate from our standard holiday fare (no it won’t), and also get some of the “xers” (who?) into the kitchen.
The recipes are located on the website allrecipes.com. IF you have not tried this site now is the time because I am a dictator and I say so. I use it all the time to come up with recipes and it has a number of handy tools which will help you make great food.
The tools include:
1. Serving calculator to increase or decrease servings. (the party will be 20 people)
2. Reviews by other cooks of the recipes, to provide ideas to improve the recipe.
If you’re assigning the recipes, does it matter if we like the site we’re using? Do prisoners care about the brand of pick axes they’re using to break blocks?
Below are the assignments (ASSIGNMENTS? Am I being graded?) with the recipe to pull off the website.
22 year old cousin: Vegetable Dip (with fresh vegetables to dip into the dip)
27 year old cousin: Best Bruschetta Ever
2nd oldest uncle: Hearty Wheat Yeast Rolls
oldest, slightly crazy, aunt: Fresh Fruit Salad
Perfect sister: Greek Green Beans
Youngest (and favorite) aunt: Supreme Scalloped Potatoes
My mom & Katie: Dark Chocolate Cake 1
Grandpa, who really likes to drink Wine
Dictators: Honey baked Ham, Tri-tip, baked goodies.
I know everyone is up to the challenge, and if you don’t think it will come off on the first go, you have time to practice (gee thanks). As added incentive, priceless awards (Oldest uncle’s handmade jewelry) will be handed out for best presentation, and best attitude (in other words, no whining) um, bite me.
Optional: If you wish you may bring beverages to share.
Questions: Give us a call or email email@example.com
I think we can safely say I will not be receiving any of the rewards for not whining.